[ despite himself, it does widen his smile just a little when evan laughs — it's always that extra bit more satisfying to get something out of someone as stoic as evan — and he thinks on the way the tone would shift if he was honest with any of these assholes. doesn't help that half of them treat him like he's about fifteen years younger than he actually is, he would love to ruin their nights by forcing them to think about the truth of the people they're in bed with. ]
[ but the truth is that would go extremely badly, first for his father and then for him. ]
Pretty sure the next time you saw me would be at my funeral if I did.
[ as far as reasons to die go though, it'd be pretty fucking funny. ]
[ no, david's not going to say that. not unless he's really fed up with everything. evan wouldn't even manage to get as far as considering it himself. but someone else - someone he hates, or at least is supposed to hate - that makes it funny to think about.
it's not quite windy enough to drag all the smoke away from them. he lets out a breath and waves it away, knowing with the amount of alcohol and crisp little canapes inside nobody's going to smell it, or care anyway, but he's sure he'll get an earful about it later. the suit'll stink. doesn't matter to him, but his opinion isn't the important one. ]
Guess my reputation's worse. Nobody asks me about my school life.
My parents like to make a big deal about what a smart boy they have when we're in civilised company.
[ yes he does intentionally intone it like he's talking to a dog, shrugging a shoulder as he does. it would be nice to just blow this all up, if only so his father can't bullshit and pretend he actually values david's intelligence, but they both know it's not going to happen. ]
Least it means people ain't talkin' to you like you're half your age.
[ evan snorts again, but it's less of a laugh this time. oh, he's very much familiar with the idea david's putting down. it should scare him how similar they are - and how quickly he's realizing it.
of course, he knew they were basically in the same position already. but it's getting a little too clear for comfort these days. ]
[ david turns, leans back against the parapet and glances back toward the door he came through in thought. ]
Not yet. Five or ten minutes, maybe.
[ he's not especially worried about it. if they get annoyed, they get annoyed. it's not like he abandoned them and took off for the night or something. he's entitled to some time to himself. ]
Nah. I'm here to make it look like there's more of us than you, is all.
[ this is closer to the truth than he'd like it to be. he's not dressed identically to the other macmillan support here, but that's only by right of the gold and his own reputation. he's not supposed to stand out, here. actually, he's never supposed to stand out. ]
Means I can't drink.
[ this time around, that's less of a punishment than it might have been three months ago. ]
[ now he thinks about it, he definitely remembers seeing a few faces he knows as macmillan goons around in nondescript suits, presence felt but not necessarily noticed. for their part, they just have a few guys whose only concern is keeping his parents safe if shit goes to hell, so outnumbering them isn't hard. ]
[ at the mention of drinking, david gives evan a slightly sympathetic look. he feels like he made that one glass of champagne he had when he got here last for about three years. ]
Yeah, I'm under strict orders to "control myself."
[ though seeing evan here he thinks that might be a good thing. ]
[ evan nods moodily, glances at david again for maybe a little too long - one of those damning lingering glances - before looking back out at the city again. ]
Be nice if it was that easy.
[ they both know that both of them can go off even while stone cold sober. it just takes the right spark.
still. drinking would probably be a very bad idea right now. ]
[ evan smirks, briefly, but it drops and he moves on. god knows he's wanted to punch out rich people who aren't, legally speaking, criminals, that his father was trying to milk dry of cash. he knew how it'd end, which is why he usually kept his distance. ]
Don't envy you that shit. The school or the people.
[ the cigarette's almost out. he won't have any real excuse to stay out here once it's done, at least as long as david stays. ]
[ it's amazing what just having a couple of friends who aren't rich does for your worldview, david can't imagine what he'd be like if he grew up like one of these pompous fucks with no perspective. these assholes think they're always right and they're better than everyone, even their peers, just because they have money, and boy do they love to rub peoples' noses in it. ]
School was alright.
[ with a hint of amusement, he adds: ] Got out a lotta aggression.
[ he's finished smoking, but made no move to go back inside just yet. he also hasn't noticed that fact. ]
[ evan gives david another look, this time with a frown and more out of confusion than anything else. getting out aggression at school? sure, he did that, but he always got in trouble for it, so it was almost never worth the loss of control.
unfortunately, this glance means he's seeing the suit again. the haircut. the stud in his ear. ]
Yeah? They let you beat up the other kids a lot or was that just the rugby?
[ they might have had some common ground in sports, but evan never managed to make it on any teams. not for lack of trying, at least, and it was one of the few areas where his father didn't automatically assume it was his fault. probably for the best, in the end.
even if that short stint in hockey was about the only time he was happy doing something in a group. ]
[ it was a joke anyway. school wasn't that bad, but only because of a couple of people he met, because the weight of responsibility wasn't quite so heavy yet, making him give up the few things that were his own. ]
[ could never take the violence from him though, could they? there was always a reason, always somebody who deserves it. everyone was always disappointed, but it was surprisingly easy to spin as a matter of respect sometimes, enough to make his father sometimes accept it as necessary. others, well... it was more an issue of david's respect. ]
Rugby's much more controlled. Can't just lose it on someone 'cause they pissed you off.
[ not that david never had any... questionable tackles or accidents. ]
[ he's still watching david, but as he realizes it, he tries to think that he has an excuse. it's a conversation. he's trying to figure out what the hell david's talking about. how school meant he got out his aggressions without it turning into a reputation the people here would get on his case about.
the rugby comment he can at least scowl about. ]
Yeah, right. I've seen that all the damn time in every sport. I don't believe you had that much self-control on the field.
[ after all, he didn't. part of the reason he never made any teams. ]
Never would've made it pro if I couldn't hold my shit.
[ something about the game just made it easy, almost. the expectation and duty wasn't suffocating, it was fulfilling. having a team that looked to him, respected him, appreciated him-- it made him better, made it worth putting the effort in. ]
[ david catches himself, shakes his head before he gets carried away thinking about it. shrugs a shoulder with a scoff. ]
Course I only played pro for a season so who gives a fuck.
[ yeah, he figures. who cares? this is just a conversation. just two guys, shooting the shit. two guys, one of whom looks better than evan knows he ever will, and who, just a few months ago, got on his knees and -
he glares back out at the city abruptly. not getting drunk was supposed to stop shit like that. ]
Bet I know why.
[ family obligations and, he's sure, the ability to control the anger. he glares at his cigarette, which is almost out. ]
How long they expecting you to be here? All night?
[ family obligations is the bulk of it. he changed his degree, gave up his career, tossed away his friends, all for the fucking family and not even a drip of gratitude. it's expected, after all, that he would simply do the "right thing" regardless of how he feels about it. ]
[ david turns his head to look at evan when he looks away, down at the city. gaze tracking his expression, the glares that david feels like he's seen a million times before, a briefly amusing kind of familiarity at wondering what's pissed him off now. his anger always seems so much closer to the surface than david's, and yet somehow manages to be a lot more confusing to him too. ]
[ at the question he nods, clears his throat and looks down at himself and carefully dusts some ash away that got onto his jacket. ]
[ for a few seconds, evan smirks again, almost a smile, almost something that's actually amused and maybe a little understanding rather than just for show.
god, does he ever understand. maybe not in exactly the same way, because he was always supposed to be in the background, but there's still no breaks. ]
Don't let me keep you from 'em.
[ he drops the cigarette and grinds it out under a heel. there's an ashtray about five feet away, which he ignores. ]
[ he doesn't move straight away. hesitating because he doesn't particularly want to go back in, and outside on the balcony isn't terrible. cool air and the smell of cigarette smoke; a beer would round it out nicely. but he's got work to do, right. ]
Can't believe you're the best company I'm gonna get all night.
[ david says it with a bit of an exaggerated sigh as he straightens up — it's a joke, but it's not exactly a lie. compared to all the assholes inside, david would honestly prefer wasting time out here with evan, even if they just stood around in silence for the rest of the night. it's almost surreal to consider. ]
[ he smooths down his clothes, fixes where they bunched up a little from his leaning, and looks at evan with his arms spread. ]
[ that'd make him laugh again if it wasn't so sobering for him to realize the same thing, and to hear it outright from david.
he watches, gaze locked, as david straightens himself out and opens his arms. how do i look? evan barely hears the second question, for once grateful that he's never been social or talkative because even if he managed to say something right now it'd come out all wrong, completely wrong, and fuck everything up for him.
the suit's perfect. seeing david in fancy clothes is nothing new, but somehow, this is different. somber and cutting edge, not flashy. meant to impress on its own, not because of the price tag.
after too long, he manages to get out a response. ]
Not unless they get real close and smell you.
[ it comes out almost sarcastic. like a joke. which it's supposed to be. that's all. just making a wry comment to someone he hates. ]
[ as wilfully ignorant as david's been of whatever's going on with evan tonight, he catches the way his gaze lingers, the way it takes him too long to respond. there's a part of david that wants to pull on that thread, after all it's hard not to read evan's behaviour a certain way after-- ]
[ he realises after a moment that he's just staring at evan and cuts his gaze away, a joke in response to what evan said dying on his lips. this is weird. and stupid. he should go. turns a little abruptly to do exactly that. ]
Have a good one, Mac.
[ he'll be back out here in a couple of hours unless something else grabs his attention anyway. probably after someone drinks a little too much free champagne and says some shit that david wants to break their fucking jaw for. ]
[ it's the first time evan doesn't immediately respond with rage to that dismissive little part-name, mostly because he sees the way david hesitates before he responds and then turns away a little too quickly. that's not good. neither is the way he reacted, but as if he'll reflect on himself in the moment.
he goes back inside after david does, and does his job. which mostly amounts to standing around and looking like a presence. he follows his father for a while, being mostly ignored, seeing david out of the corner of his eye being as charismatic as ever. it irritates him, but less, now, knowing that david hates it as much as evan would.
after a while he gets dismissed, because his father ran into some people he knows from the old days, when they were just getting established. old friend and old enemies, mostly the same people. he's not welcome in their nostalgia drinking, which is fine by him. he's briefly introduced and then leaves.
now would be the time to drink, but he's still not in the mood for it. instead he takes the chance to get something on a plate and make his way back out onto the balcony to try and eat in peace.
but everyone else has been drinking, and the volume from inside is loud, and he can hear things that grate on his nerves and must, from their conversation earlier, do the same thing to david. rich people. they don't fucking get it. ]
[ if it's possible to be both completely numbed and yet also enraged, that's where david is at. typically he doesn't mind being spoken to like he's stupid, acts the way he does to encourage it in fact, because it only works in his favour if people don't expect anything from him. but spending an evening entertaining posh fucks who smugly nitpick the way he talks when fucking frankly? he's smarter than them. ]
[ they should be peers, really. like them, he was born to money, and it's not like everyone else's income is totally above board either. thank fucking god he was never really part of this world except when he had to be. ]
[ but david weathers it well. laughs when somebody makes a joke at his expense and politely pulls his punches when throwing one back, more and more often some guy trying to prove something because he's mad david's managed to charm a couple of women for ten minutes here and there like it means anything. he feels like he's handling himself well, so it surprises him when his mother suggests maybe he needs to get some air, which is her way of saying he needs to cool off. ]
[ but hell, he'll take it. doesn't quite storm out, but there's definitely an air of thunder to the way he takes a glass of champagne and exits to the balcony. not even noticing evan out there this time as he walks straight to the edge and takes a breath. ]
[ david's arrival is quiet, but abrupt. one second there's nobody to his right and then when he looks back ten seconds later, there's david, a glass in his hand, staring out over the city like he's about to burn it down. evan would know. he's an expert at that look.
but he doesn't look at evan at all, giving him a few more seconds to finish what he's eating in silence before debating if he should interrupt at all. ignoring him and giving him space is probably better.
but, here they are. ]
They get on your nerves enough?
[ he assumes there was no violence yet, because he hasn't heard any yelling. ]
[ it probably says plenty about his current mental state that david is visibly startled when evan speaks. it's nothing big, but it's there. a few seconds before he manages to parse what evan actually said and makes a quietly disgruntled noise. ]
Every time I come to one of these things, I think "they can't be as up themselves as I remember."
[ david takes a small sip from his glass and exhales a heavy breath through his nose. ]
Call 'em too clever by half, but most of 'em aren't nearly as smart as they think they are.
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[ but the truth is that would go extremely badly, first for his father and then for him. ]
Pretty sure the next time you saw me would be at my funeral if I did.
[ as far as reasons to die go though, it'd be pretty fucking funny. ]
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[ no, david's not going to say that. not unless he's really fed up with everything. evan wouldn't even manage to get as far as considering it himself. but someone else - someone he hates, or at least is supposed to hate - that makes it funny to think about.
it's not quite windy enough to drag all the smoke away from them. he lets out a breath and waves it away, knowing with the amount of alcohol and crisp little canapes inside nobody's going to smell it, or care anyway, but he's sure he'll get an earful about it later. the suit'll stink. doesn't matter to him, but his opinion isn't the important one. ]
Guess my reputation's worse. Nobody asks me about my school life.
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[ yes he does intentionally intone it like he's talking to a dog, shrugging a shoulder as he does. it would be nice to just blow this all up, if only so his father can't bullshit and pretend he actually values david's intelligence, but they both know it's not going to happen. ]
Least it means people ain't talkin' to you like you're half your age.
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of course, he knew they were basically in the same position already. but it's getting a little too clear for comfort these days. ]
Yeah. Means they don't talk to me at all.
[ which could be a lot worse. ]
Think they're lookin' for you?
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Not yet. Five or ten minutes, maybe.
[ he's not especially worried about it. if they get annoyed, they get annoyed. it's not like he abandoned them and took off for the night or something. he's entitled to some time to himself. ]
You?
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[ this is closer to the truth than he'd like it to be. he's not dressed identically to the other macmillan support here, but that's only by right of the gold and his own reputation. he's not supposed to stand out, here. actually, he's never supposed to stand out. ]
Means I can't drink.
[ this time around, that's less of a punishment than it might have been three months ago. ]
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[ at the mention of drinking, david gives evan a slightly sympathetic look. he feels like he made that one glass of champagne he had when he got here last for about three years. ]
Yeah, I'm under strict orders to "control myself."
[ though seeing evan here he thinks that might be a good thing. ]
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Be nice if it was that easy.
[ they both know that both of them can go off even while stone cold sober. it just takes the right spark.
still. drinking would probably be a very bad idea right now. ]
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Some of these guys are already pushing it.
[ he turns just enough to flick his finished cig off the balcony and looks at evan with raised eyebrows. ]
Made the mistake of saying "ain't" and got some posh bint asking me "didn't you say you had a top tier education?"
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[ evan smirks, briefly, but it drops and he moves on. god knows he's wanted to punch out rich people who aren't, legally speaking, criminals, that his father was trying to milk dry of cash. he knew how it'd end, which is why he usually kept his distance. ]
Don't envy you that shit. The school or the people.
[ the cigarette's almost out. he won't have any real excuse to stay out here once it's done, at least as long as david stays. ]
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School was alright.
[ with a hint of amusement, he adds: ] Got out a lotta aggression.
[ he's finished smoking, but made no move to go back inside just yet. he also hasn't noticed that fact. ]
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unfortunately, this glance means he's seeing the suit again. the haircut. the stud in his ear. ]
Yeah? They let you beat up the other kids a lot or was that just the rugby?
[ they might have had some common ground in sports, but evan never managed to make it on any teams. not for lack of trying, at least, and it was one of the few areas where his father didn't automatically assume it was his fault. probably for the best, in the end.
even if that short stint in hockey was about the only time he was happy doing something in a group. ]
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[ it was a joke anyway. school wasn't that bad, but only because of a couple of people he met, because the weight of responsibility wasn't quite so heavy yet, making him give up the few things that were his own. ]
[ could never take the violence from him though, could they? there was always a reason, always somebody who deserves it. everyone was always disappointed, but it was surprisingly easy to spin as a matter of respect sometimes, enough to make his father sometimes accept it as necessary. others, well... it was more an issue of david's respect. ]
Rugby's much more controlled. Can't just lose it on someone 'cause they pissed you off.
[ not that david never had any... questionable tackles or accidents. ]
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the rugby comment he can at least scowl about. ]
Yeah, right. I've seen that all the damn time in every sport. I don't believe you had that much self-control on the field.
[ after all, he didn't. part of the reason he never made any teams. ]
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Never would've made it pro if I couldn't hold my shit.
[ something about the game just made it easy, almost. the expectation and duty wasn't suffocating, it was fulfilling. having a team that looked to him, respected him, appreciated him-- it made him better, made it worth putting the effort in. ]
[ david catches himself, shakes his head before he gets carried away thinking about it. shrugs a shoulder with a scoff. ]
Course I only played pro for a season so who gives a fuck.
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he glares back out at the city abruptly. not getting drunk was supposed to stop shit like that. ]
Bet I know why.
[ family obligations and, he's sure, the ability to control the anger. he glares at his cigarette, which is almost out. ]
How long they expecting you to be here? All night?
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[ david turns his head to look at evan when he looks away, down at the city. gaze tracking his expression, the glares that david feels like he's seen a million times before, a briefly amusing kind of familiarity at wondering what's pissed him off now. his anger always seems so much closer to the surface than david's, and yet somehow manages to be a lot more confusing to him too. ]
[ at the question he nods, clears his throat and looks down at himself and carefully dusts some ash away that got onto his jacket. ]
Dancin' monkeys don't get early nights.
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god, does he ever understand. maybe not in exactly the same way, because he was always supposed to be in the background, but there's still no breaks. ]
Don't let me keep you from 'em.
[ he drops the cigarette and grinds it out under a heel. there's an ashtray about five feet away, which he ignores. ]
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Can't believe you're the best company I'm gonna get all night.
[ david says it with a bit of an exaggerated sigh as he straightens up — it's a joke, but it's not exactly a lie. compared to all the assholes inside, david would honestly prefer wasting time out here with evan, even if they just stood around in silence for the rest of the night. it's almost surreal to consider. ]
[ he smooths down his clothes, fixes where they bunched up a little from his leaning, and looks at evan with his arms spread. ]
How do I look? Can't tell I've been slackin' off?
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he watches, gaze locked, as david straightens himself out and opens his arms. how do i look? evan barely hears the second question, for once grateful that he's never been social or talkative because even if he managed to say something right now it'd come out all wrong, completely wrong, and fuck everything up for him.
the suit's perfect. seeing david in fancy clothes is nothing new, but somehow, this is different. somber and cutting edge, not flashy. meant to impress on its own, not because of the price tag.
after too long, he manages to get out a response. ]
Not unless they get real close and smell you.
[ it comes out almost sarcastic. like a joke. which it's supposed to be. that's all. just making a wry comment to someone he hates. ]
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[ he realises after a moment that he's just staring at evan and cuts his gaze away, a joke in response to what evan said dying on his lips. this is weird. and stupid. he should go. turns a little abruptly to do exactly that. ]
Have a good one, Mac.
[ he'll be back out here in a couple of hours unless something else grabs his attention anyway. probably after someone drinks a little too much free champagne and says some shit that david wants to break their fucking jaw for. ]
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he goes back inside after david does, and does his job. which mostly amounts to standing around and looking like a presence. he follows his father for a while, being mostly ignored, seeing david out of the corner of his eye being as charismatic as ever. it irritates him, but less, now, knowing that david hates it as much as evan would.
after a while he gets dismissed, because his father ran into some people he knows from the old days, when they were just getting established. old friend and old enemies, mostly the same people. he's not welcome in their nostalgia drinking, which is fine by him. he's briefly introduced and then leaves.
now would be the time to drink, but he's still not in the mood for it. instead he takes the chance to get something on a plate and make his way back out onto the balcony to try and eat in peace.
but everyone else has been drinking, and the volume from inside is loud, and he can hear things that grate on his nerves and must, from their conversation earlier, do the same thing to david. rich people. they don't fucking get it. ]
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[ they should be peers, really. like them, he was born to money, and it's not like everyone else's income is totally above board either. thank fucking god he was never really part of this world except when he had to be. ]
[ but david weathers it well. laughs when somebody makes a joke at his expense and politely pulls his punches when throwing one back, more and more often some guy trying to prove something because he's mad david's managed to charm a couple of women for ten minutes here and there like it means anything. he feels like he's handling himself well, so it surprises him when his mother suggests maybe he needs to get some air, which is her way of saying he needs to cool off. ]
[ but hell, he'll take it. doesn't quite storm out, but there's definitely an air of thunder to the way he takes a glass of champagne and exits to the balcony. not even noticing evan out there this time as he walks straight to the edge and takes a breath. ]
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but he doesn't look at evan at all, giving him a few more seconds to finish what he's eating in silence before debating if he should interrupt at all. ignoring him and giving him space is probably better.
but, here they are. ]
They get on your nerves enough?
[ he assumes there was no violence yet, because he hasn't heard any yelling. ]
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Every time I come to one of these things, I think "they can't be as up themselves as I remember."
[ david takes a small sip from his glass and exhales a heavy breath through his nose. ]
Call 'em too clever by half, but most of 'em aren't nearly as smart as they think they are.
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