[ he's still watching david, but as he realizes it, he tries to think that he has an excuse. it's a conversation. he's trying to figure out what the hell david's talking about. how school meant he got out his aggressions without it turning into a reputation the people here would get on his case about.
the rugby comment he can at least scowl about. ]
Yeah, right. I've seen that all the damn time in every sport. I don't believe you had that much self-control on the field.
[ after all, he didn't. part of the reason he never made any teams. ]
Never would've made it pro if I couldn't hold my shit.
[ something about the game just made it easy, almost. the expectation and duty wasn't suffocating, it was fulfilling. having a team that looked to him, respected him, appreciated him-- it made him better, made it worth putting the effort in. ]
[ david catches himself, shakes his head before he gets carried away thinking about it. shrugs a shoulder with a scoff. ]
Course I only played pro for a season so who gives a fuck.
[ yeah, he figures. who cares? this is just a conversation. just two guys, shooting the shit. two guys, one of whom looks better than evan knows he ever will, and who, just a few months ago, got on his knees and -
he glares back out at the city abruptly. not getting drunk was supposed to stop shit like that. ]
Bet I know why.
[ family obligations and, he's sure, the ability to control the anger. he glares at his cigarette, which is almost out. ]
How long they expecting you to be here? All night?
[ family obligations is the bulk of it. he changed his degree, gave up his career, tossed away his friends, all for the fucking family and not even a drip of gratitude. it's expected, after all, that he would simply do the "right thing" regardless of how he feels about it. ]
[ david turns his head to look at evan when he looks away, down at the city. gaze tracking his expression, the glares that david feels like he's seen a million times before, a briefly amusing kind of familiarity at wondering what's pissed him off now. his anger always seems so much closer to the surface than david's, and yet somehow manages to be a lot more confusing to him too. ]
[ at the question he nods, clears his throat and looks down at himself and carefully dusts some ash away that got onto his jacket. ]
[ for a few seconds, evan smirks again, almost a smile, almost something that's actually amused and maybe a little understanding rather than just for show.
god, does he ever understand. maybe not in exactly the same way, because he was always supposed to be in the background, but there's still no breaks. ]
Don't let me keep you from 'em.
[ he drops the cigarette and grinds it out under a heel. there's an ashtray about five feet away, which he ignores. ]
[ he doesn't move straight away. hesitating because he doesn't particularly want to go back in, and outside on the balcony isn't terrible. cool air and the smell of cigarette smoke; a beer would round it out nicely. but he's got work to do, right. ]
Can't believe you're the best company I'm gonna get all night.
[ david says it with a bit of an exaggerated sigh as he straightens up — it's a joke, but it's not exactly a lie. compared to all the assholes inside, david would honestly prefer wasting time out here with evan, even if they just stood around in silence for the rest of the night. it's almost surreal to consider. ]
[ he smooths down his clothes, fixes where they bunched up a little from his leaning, and looks at evan with his arms spread. ]
[ that'd make him laugh again if it wasn't so sobering for him to realize the same thing, and to hear it outright from david.
he watches, gaze locked, as david straightens himself out and opens his arms. how do i look? evan barely hears the second question, for once grateful that he's never been social or talkative because even if he managed to say something right now it'd come out all wrong, completely wrong, and fuck everything up for him.
the suit's perfect. seeing david in fancy clothes is nothing new, but somehow, this is different. somber and cutting edge, not flashy. meant to impress on its own, not because of the price tag.
after too long, he manages to get out a response. ]
Not unless they get real close and smell you.
[ it comes out almost sarcastic. like a joke. which it's supposed to be. that's all. just making a wry comment to someone he hates. ]
[ as wilfully ignorant as david's been of whatever's going on with evan tonight, he catches the way his gaze lingers, the way it takes him too long to respond. there's a part of david that wants to pull on that thread, after all it's hard not to read evan's behaviour a certain way after-- ]
[ he realises after a moment that he's just staring at evan and cuts his gaze away, a joke in response to what evan said dying on his lips. this is weird. and stupid. he should go. turns a little abruptly to do exactly that. ]
Have a good one, Mac.
[ he'll be back out here in a couple of hours unless something else grabs his attention anyway. probably after someone drinks a little too much free champagne and says some shit that david wants to break their fucking jaw for. ]
[ it's the first time evan doesn't immediately respond with rage to that dismissive little part-name, mostly because he sees the way david hesitates before he responds and then turns away a little too quickly. that's not good. neither is the way he reacted, but as if he'll reflect on himself in the moment.
he goes back inside after david does, and does his job. which mostly amounts to standing around and looking like a presence. he follows his father for a while, being mostly ignored, seeing david out of the corner of his eye being as charismatic as ever. it irritates him, but less, now, knowing that david hates it as much as evan would.
after a while he gets dismissed, because his father ran into some people he knows from the old days, when they were just getting established. old friend and old enemies, mostly the same people. he's not welcome in their nostalgia drinking, which is fine by him. he's briefly introduced and then leaves.
now would be the time to drink, but he's still not in the mood for it. instead he takes the chance to get something on a plate and make his way back out onto the balcony to try and eat in peace.
but everyone else has been drinking, and the volume from inside is loud, and he can hear things that grate on his nerves and must, from their conversation earlier, do the same thing to david. rich people. they don't fucking get it. ]
[ if it's possible to be both completely numbed and yet also enraged, that's where david is at. typically he doesn't mind being spoken to like he's stupid, acts the way he does to encourage it in fact, because it only works in his favour if people don't expect anything from him. but spending an evening entertaining posh fucks who smugly nitpick the way he talks when fucking frankly? he's smarter than them. ]
[ they should be peers, really. like them, he was born to money, and it's not like everyone else's income is totally above board either. thank fucking god he was never really part of this world except when he had to be. ]
[ but david weathers it well. laughs when somebody makes a joke at his expense and politely pulls his punches when throwing one back, more and more often some guy trying to prove something because he's mad david's managed to charm a couple of women for ten minutes here and there like it means anything. he feels like he's handling himself well, so it surprises him when his mother suggests maybe he needs to get some air, which is her way of saying he needs to cool off. ]
[ but hell, he'll take it. doesn't quite storm out, but there's definitely an air of thunder to the way he takes a glass of champagne and exits to the balcony. not even noticing evan out there this time as he walks straight to the edge and takes a breath. ]
[ david's arrival is quiet, but abrupt. one second there's nobody to his right and then when he looks back ten seconds later, there's david, a glass in his hand, staring out over the city like he's about to burn it down. evan would know. he's an expert at that look.
but he doesn't look at evan at all, giving him a few more seconds to finish what he's eating in silence before debating if he should interrupt at all. ignoring him and giving him space is probably better.
but, here they are. ]
They get on your nerves enough?
[ he assumes there was no violence yet, because he hasn't heard any yelling. ]
[ it probably says plenty about his current mental state that david is visibly startled when evan speaks. it's nothing big, but it's there. a few seconds before he manages to parse what evan actually said and makes a quietly disgruntled noise. ]
Every time I come to one of these things, I think "they can't be as up themselves as I remember."
[ david takes a small sip from his glass and exhales a heavy breath through his nose. ]
Call 'em too clever by half, but most of 'em aren't nearly as smart as they think they are.
[ evan finishes off what little he kept on his plate and sets it aside. it's high-class fare, which means it looks good and tastes empty and doesn't do anything to cut the hunger. fortunately, he's used to that. ]
Rich fucks are delusional. Especially when they've never lifted a finger to earn shit.
[ no part of him is aware of the hypocrisy. he was born and raised rich, but he earned it, as far as he's concerned. ]
[ if it's hypocritical, david's not aware of it. he's been earning it every goddamn day of his life as far as he's concerned. something the two of them have in common, neither of their families would give them a free ride. ]
[ that sums it up, really. evan's not sure how to follow that up, until he eyes the glass. it's not wine, he can tell, and there's no hard liquor here, so it's not likely to ... start anything. hell, he'd be surprised if david got even slightly buzzed off that. ]
Enough to get you drinkin'.
[ as if that's hard for either of them. still. he's been avoiding alcohol lately. beer, even. just because. ]
[ there's a bitter edge to the joke, even the way david raises his glass in a mock toast. he's pretty sure 2 glasses over the course of an evening is the most self-restraint david's shown in years. even if he wanted to dial it back this past couple months, his public image wouldn't allow it. ]
[ but it is what it is. david turns his head a little, just enough to comfortably glance at evan. ]
[ evan's initial response to that is to try and one-up david, because that's what they both always do, but he hesitates for reasons he's not very clear on. maybe the recognition of their similar lives at this point is tempering him. a bad sign, but he's not mad enough to withdraw just because of that. ]
Probably not as bad.
[ getting kicked out of the old boys' club isn't the worst thing he can imagine happening here. ]
[ david offers it with a smirk, obviously joking. if only because he doesn't want to risk setting evan off and ruining this whole fucking thing. if evan doesn't put him in the hospital for it, his father would. ]
Engage you on somethin' that interests you and then talk down to you about it.
[ not that he has any idea what interests evan. as far as he can tell, the man's pissed off by almost everything. ]
[ evan's smile in response to that is very thin, and very brief, and not amused. david doesn't follow up on the threat, though, so the anger that started to bubble up settles back down. ]
Like what? Rugby again?
[ he's always assumed david's skills were limited to fighting, drinking, partying, and having sex with every woman who looked his way. and sports, to a certain degree. recent developments notwithstanding, that thought hasn't really changed. ]
[ david snorts and nods shallowly, unbothered, turning his gaze back to the city below them. ]
Yeah, sure.
[ not that he's not interested in rugby, he could talk somebody's ear off about it if the mood was right, but david already knows the game here. it's an easy dig, because he's an athelete and not an academic. didn't pick an intellectual career, and retired early at that. nobody here takes him seriously. ]
[ evan watches david a few seconds longer as the silence stretches on. normally he wouldn't care. letting other people get more awkward as the silence drags on until they finally have to fill it is something he knows how to do, although that's more out of not having any interest in saying anything than trying to manipulate.
but this time ... ]
They wouldn't treat you any better if you had a doctorate.
[ because he's not his father. that's all it is. ]
[ that's true enough. david doesn't even register the comment as anything supportive, if it's even meant that way, just an honest dig at their fellow attendees. he tips back what's left of his champagne and sets the glass aside. ]
All too busy tryin' to one up eachother 'cause the only thing that matters is being top outta a bunch of vapid fucks.
[ his father, at least, has earned some respect. partially because their family goes back generations, and assholes like this love that shit, partially because he put in the time and the money. mostly just because he's the fucker in charge. bunch of people who'll probably be chatting david up when it's his turn at the helm after treating him like shit this whole time. ]
[ there's some class resentment there, or at least evan would understand that if he knew the term. all he can really understand is david's frustration. the only reason people don't patronize him to that degree is because he's not as personable. he takes it to heart, immediately.
one of the few things his father doesn't actively punish him for acting out about. probably because it leaves such an impression. ]
One wrong move and they're dead.
[ which isn't so different from anyone else's life, but. ]
[ is that too grim? probably doesn't matter given who he's talking to. ]
Course I guess both're about the same to them.
[ david slips off his jacket, just out of a desire to feel a little bit less stiff, careful (yet quick and easy, clearly a familiar motion) in the way he smooths it down and folds it over his arm before he drapes it over a railing to make sure it doesn't wrinkle while it's off. ]
[ he rolls his shoulders, puts his hands down on the railing and leans into it to stretch out a little like he's stiff from sitting at a desk or some shit. ]
I ever end up like one of them, don't even fuckin' fight me, yeah? Just take a gun and end it.
[ evan wishes he'd been looking away when david did that. the practiced, casual ease of taking off the suit coat, so it's just the black shirt underneath, the way it clings in ways the jacket obviously didn't -
it's no less familiar than if he was taking off a jacket to fight. or at least, it shouldn't be. it still leaves evan silent, his mouth unusually dry. maybe he does need a drink.
the response is slower to come than it should be as he deliberately turns to glare out at the city again, trying to focus on the way the lights in the buildings almost make patterns, if he focuses. ]
Yeah. Sure. [ that's not good enough. ] You won't even see it coming.
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the rugby comment he can at least scowl about. ]
Yeah, right. I've seen that all the damn time in every sport. I don't believe you had that much self-control on the field.
[ after all, he didn't. part of the reason he never made any teams. ]
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Never would've made it pro if I couldn't hold my shit.
[ something about the game just made it easy, almost. the expectation and duty wasn't suffocating, it was fulfilling. having a team that looked to him, respected him, appreciated him-- it made him better, made it worth putting the effort in. ]
[ david catches himself, shakes his head before he gets carried away thinking about it. shrugs a shoulder with a scoff. ]
Course I only played pro for a season so who gives a fuck.
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he glares back out at the city abruptly. not getting drunk was supposed to stop shit like that. ]
Bet I know why.
[ family obligations and, he's sure, the ability to control the anger. he glares at his cigarette, which is almost out. ]
How long they expecting you to be here? All night?
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[ david turns his head to look at evan when he looks away, down at the city. gaze tracking his expression, the glares that david feels like he's seen a million times before, a briefly amusing kind of familiarity at wondering what's pissed him off now. his anger always seems so much closer to the surface than david's, and yet somehow manages to be a lot more confusing to him too. ]
[ at the question he nods, clears his throat and looks down at himself and carefully dusts some ash away that got onto his jacket. ]
Dancin' monkeys don't get early nights.
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god, does he ever understand. maybe not in exactly the same way, because he was always supposed to be in the background, but there's still no breaks. ]
Don't let me keep you from 'em.
[ he drops the cigarette and grinds it out under a heel. there's an ashtray about five feet away, which he ignores. ]
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Can't believe you're the best company I'm gonna get all night.
[ david says it with a bit of an exaggerated sigh as he straightens up — it's a joke, but it's not exactly a lie. compared to all the assholes inside, david would honestly prefer wasting time out here with evan, even if they just stood around in silence for the rest of the night. it's almost surreal to consider. ]
[ he smooths down his clothes, fixes where they bunched up a little from his leaning, and looks at evan with his arms spread. ]
How do I look? Can't tell I've been slackin' off?
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he watches, gaze locked, as david straightens himself out and opens his arms. how do i look? evan barely hears the second question, for once grateful that he's never been social or talkative because even if he managed to say something right now it'd come out all wrong, completely wrong, and fuck everything up for him.
the suit's perfect. seeing david in fancy clothes is nothing new, but somehow, this is different. somber and cutting edge, not flashy. meant to impress on its own, not because of the price tag.
after too long, he manages to get out a response. ]
Not unless they get real close and smell you.
[ it comes out almost sarcastic. like a joke. which it's supposed to be. that's all. just making a wry comment to someone he hates. ]
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[ he realises after a moment that he's just staring at evan and cuts his gaze away, a joke in response to what evan said dying on his lips. this is weird. and stupid. he should go. turns a little abruptly to do exactly that. ]
Have a good one, Mac.
[ he'll be back out here in a couple of hours unless something else grabs his attention anyway. probably after someone drinks a little too much free champagne and says some shit that david wants to break their fucking jaw for. ]
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he goes back inside after david does, and does his job. which mostly amounts to standing around and looking like a presence. he follows his father for a while, being mostly ignored, seeing david out of the corner of his eye being as charismatic as ever. it irritates him, but less, now, knowing that david hates it as much as evan would.
after a while he gets dismissed, because his father ran into some people he knows from the old days, when they were just getting established. old friend and old enemies, mostly the same people. he's not welcome in their nostalgia drinking, which is fine by him. he's briefly introduced and then leaves.
now would be the time to drink, but he's still not in the mood for it. instead he takes the chance to get something on a plate and make his way back out onto the balcony to try and eat in peace.
but everyone else has been drinking, and the volume from inside is loud, and he can hear things that grate on his nerves and must, from their conversation earlier, do the same thing to david. rich people. they don't fucking get it. ]
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[ they should be peers, really. like them, he was born to money, and it's not like everyone else's income is totally above board either. thank fucking god he was never really part of this world except when he had to be. ]
[ but david weathers it well. laughs when somebody makes a joke at his expense and politely pulls his punches when throwing one back, more and more often some guy trying to prove something because he's mad david's managed to charm a couple of women for ten minutes here and there like it means anything. he feels like he's handling himself well, so it surprises him when his mother suggests maybe he needs to get some air, which is her way of saying he needs to cool off. ]
[ but hell, he'll take it. doesn't quite storm out, but there's definitely an air of thunder to the way he takes a glass of champagne and exits to the balcony. not even noticing evan out there this time as he walks straight to the edge and takes a breath. ]
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but he doesn't look at evan at all, giving him a few more seconds to finish what he's eating in silence before debating if he should interrupt at all. ignoring him and giving him space is probably better.
but, here they are. ]
They get on your nerves enough?
[ he assumes there was no violence yet, because he hasn't heard any yelling. ]
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Every time I come to one of these things, I think "they can't be as up themselves as I remember."
[ david takes a small sip from his glass and exhales a heavy breath through his nose. ]
Call 'em too clever by half, but most of 'em aren't nearly as smart as they think they are.
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[ evan finishes off what little he kept on his plate and sets it aside. it's high-class fare, which means it looks good and tastes empty and doesn't do anything to cut the hunger. fortunately, he's used to that. ]
Rich fucks are delusional. Especially when they've never lifted a finger to earn shit.
[ no part of him is aware of the hypocrisy. he was born and raised rich, but he earned it, as far as he's concerned. ]
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Annoying as fuck.
[ he's so fucking tired. ]
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Enough to get you drinkin'.
[ as if that's hard for either of them. still. he's been avoiding alcohol lately. beer, even. just because. ]
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[ there's a bitter edge to the joke, even the way david raises his glass in a mock toast. he's pretty sure 2 glasses over the course of an evening is the most self-restraint david's shown in years. even if he wanted to dial it back this past couple months, his public image wouldn't allow it. ]
[ but it is what it is. david turns his head a little, just enough to comfortably glance at evan. ]
Guessing things are goin' about as well for you.
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Probably not as bad.
[ getting kicked out of the old boys' club isn't the worst thing he can imagine happening here. ]
Nobody's patronized me tonight.
[ worse than usual, anyway. ]
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[ david offers it with a smirk, obviously joking. if only because he doesn't want to risk setting evan off and ruining this whole fucking thing. if evan doesn't put him in the hospital for it, his father would. ]
Engage you on somethin' that interests you and then talk down to you about it.
[ not that he has any idea what interests evan. as far as he can tell, the man's pissed off by almost everything. ]
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Like what? Rugby again?
[ he's always assumed david's skills were limited to fighting, drinking, partying, and having sex with every woman who looked his way. and sports, to a certain degree. recent developments notwithstanding, that thought hasn't really changed. ]
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Yeah, sure.
[ not that he's not interested in rugby, he could talk somebody's ear off about it if the mood was right, but david already knows the game here. it's an easy dig, because he's an athelete and not an academic. didn't pick an intellectual career, and retired early at that. nobody here takes him seriously. ]
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but this time ... ]
They wouldn't treat you any better if you had a doctorate.
[ because he's not his father. that's all it is. ]
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[ that's true enough. david doesn't even register the comment as anything supportive, if it's even meant that way, just an honest dig at their fellow attendees. he tips back what's left of his champagne and sets the glass aside. ]
All too busy tryin' to one up eachother 'cause the only thing that matters is being top outta a bunch of vapid fucks.
[ his father, at least, has earned some respect. partially because their family goes back generations, and assholes like this love that shit, partially because he put in the time and the money. mostly just because he's the fucker in charge. bunch of people who'll probably be chatting david up when it's his turn at the helm after treating him like shit this whole time. ]
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one of the few things his father doesn't actively punish him for acting out about. probably because it leaves such an impression. ]
One wrong move and they're dead.
[ which isn't so different from anyone else's life, but. ]
Or at the bottom of the social circle.
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[ is that too grim? probably doesn't matter given who he's talking to. ]
Course I guess both're about the same to them.
[ david slips off his jacket, just out of a desire to feel a little bit less stiff, careful (yet quick and easy, clearly a familiar motion) in the way he smooths it down and folds it over his arm before he drapes it over a railing to make sure it doesn't wrinkle while it's off. ]
[ he rolls his shoulders, puts his hands down on the railing and leans into it to stretch out a little like he's stiff from sitting at a desk or some shit. ]
I ever end up like one of them, don't even fuckin' fight me, yeah? Just take a gun and end it.
[ it's less of a joke than he'd like honestly. ]
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it's no less familiar than if he was taking off a jacket to fight. or at least, it shouldn't be. it still leaves evan silent, his mouth unusually dry. maybe he does need a drink.
the response is slower to come than it should be as he deliberately turns to glare out at the city again, trying to focus on the way the lights in the buildings almost make patterns, if he focuses. ]
Yeah. Sure. [ that's not good enough. ] You won't even see it coming.
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