hardlydead | (( them gods gonna hurt you son; when you play with a loaded gun ))

[ david's quiet for a long moment, a frown on his face in response to the lack of heat from evan. get what you give and all that, but considering the both of them have been champing at the bit to kill eachother practically their whole lives, this is... concerning. takes the sport right out of it, the stuff that keeps the hate and anger simmering until they can vent at least a little of it with their fists. ]

[ could just ignore it. with anyone else he might, if this was a one-sided problem, david definitely would, but truthfully he's never been a fan of leaving things alone, even if it's a massive fucking elephant taking up a tiny room. if something's on his mind, david prefers to just address it and move on, even if it makes him look stupid. the pragmatist in him says it's because shit can fester and grow and become a real problem if left like that, but maybe he just has so much baggage already he can't handle taking on any more. ]

[ he turns to lean a hip side-on against the parapet, folds his arms over his chest with a frown deeper than a moment ago. ]

We've gotta do something about this. Can't be havin' these weird awkward moments-- Not with you.

[ evan almost visibly tenses when david says that.

no, he doesn't want to do anything about it, but david's got a point. someone's going to notice the way they act around each other has changed, and not in a way that should make sense with them having nearly killed each other in public. they shouldn't have ended up being almost at peace with each other. they should be still trying to kill each other. or at least trying to sabotage each other's lives.

deliberately, anyway.

his glare hardens. he wants to storm back into the party, of all things, the anger trying to take over but being chokechained by the knowledge of what'll happen if he lets that happen. instead, he snaps out a response he didn't think about before saying it. ]

Like what? Make out in some dark corner where nobody's gonna find us to try and - and fucking cut the tension?

[ as a response, it visibly stuns david for a moment, surprised by evan saying that of all things. ]

I-- Maybe?

[ it's not what he would've suggested, but then again david doesn't know what he would've suggested. experience says that's not the smart play — he's suggested to enough women they should fuck to get him off their minds and it just roots him deeper in there, but those are people who are actually attracted to him. there's no attraction here, obviously. just some awkwardness borne of sharing similar trauma. ]

I dunno, I mean - would that help?

[ david's surprise is a little gratifying, but evan's mostly shocked at himself. there's people twenty feet away who could be listening in to try and find something to sabotage either of them with. destroy both families, or just one.

and acting on it - no. hell no. he's insane. he's lost his goddamned mind. for a second, the sheer hatred and misery of it shows on his face, but it's gone quickly, replaced by the usual anger. ]

Not here. We'll get caught. Fuck up everything way worse.

[ but maybe somewhere else - no, he can't entertain that thought, either. ]

[ is this what they're doing? david raises an eyebrow, looks from evan to the door he came through. some dark corner, huh? this place has plenty of nooks and crannies and backrooms, but somewhere nobody's gonna see them? ]

What's upstairs? Just storage, right?

[ he wasn't expecting david to take it this seriously.

why wouldn't he? he started - no, he escalated this. evan started it. he keeps starting it, over and over. why didn't he just stay inside and try to look threatening? he can do that forever; keeping it up for a few hours couldn't have been a problem.

just say no, he tells himself, just say - ]

I don't know. Only been here a few times. [ but nobody goes upstairs. it's not a house, it's a reception hall, someone's private party place. they probably have hidden places and even rooms to rent, but they can't - ] But there's a - staircase around back.

[ he looked it up as a means of finding an escape if things went to shit. he didn't check where it led, because it wasn't outside and wasn't a fire escape. ]

[ one of them should say no. should stop this right here. the fact that they're indulging this is the problem. but letting it stew would just make it worse too, right? the fuck else can they do? ]

Nobody's gonna be up there either way.

[ david tilts his head, thinking. ]

If this is what we're gonna do, I mean.

[ evan looks back at the party, but nobody's paying attention. nobody's even seen them. nobody wants either of their attention. they've played their part, and now they're forgotten, the heirs that only exist to be shown off for a little while. he can't use that as an excuse to back off.

he could use the threat of it, or leaning on his own sanity, to say no. but just like both times in his apartment, there's a pull there he doesn't really want to resist. ]

Party ain't going all night.

[ whether that means they should hurry or not bother isn't clear, but either way, evan turns and heads down the balcony, willing david to (not) follow. expecting disappointment and suspecting he's not going to get it.

there is a staircase. metal, installed later over what used to be a ladder, if the marks on the wall are any indication. he heads up, making sure it doesn't creak too much, and for some reason the storage door is unlocked. it's dusty and looks like someone was here recently, dragging out something big and heavy. maybe they left it unlocked in case they needed more.

but it's a dark storeroom with plenty of places to keep out of sight, even if someone does come up here.

he's so fucked. ]

[ david takes a moment when evan starts off, just to take a deep breath and think for a second. nobody cares that he's missing, his parents have probably noticed, but they'll have their own assumptions about what he's doing. ironically not that far off the truth, apparently, and yet they'd never guess-- ]

[ what a weird fucking night. ]

[ he grabs his jacket and follows after evan, careful and quiet as he heads up the stairs, and peeks his head in first before he goes through the door. drapes his jacket over a folded-up table and looks around at what he can see of this place in the dark. ]

[ what the fuck is he doing honestly. he has no clue. but here he is. ]

[ there's not much light, whether the do's open or shut. some dim bulbs up at the ceiling, dusty and fading over the years. they cast long shadows and show off all the darkest hidden places they could be.

he hears david follow him and half wishes he didn't. if david had just turned around and left, this would be so much simpler. now they're up here, together, alone.

once he hears the door shut he half-turns to give david a glower. it probably goes missed in the darkness, because he can barely make out more than a silhouette of david anyway.

then he turns and steps into the shadows, hands curled into fists against the shaking. he's not taking any chances, aside from the most massive and obvious one. ]

[ the glower isn't seen, but it's assumed. he knows evan well enough, after all. too well. maybe that's part of the problem. ]

[ david swallows, steps closer to evan, but not too close just yet. this was evan's idea, but david still feels a need to make sure this is what he wants, even if he doesn't want to want it. this only works if it's satisfying something for them, and maybe being clear headed about it this time will help. ]

You tell me to piss off and I'm gone. Take myself downstairs and forget all about this.

[ voice low so it doesn't travel far beyond them in this dim, dingy room. it feels silly to put this much weight on what, as far as he can tell, is just gonna be some making out. but it's making out that could ruin both their lives, so david's words are halfway reassurance, halfway looking for confirmation. a reminder too that he's not pushing here. evan has just as much control over this as david does. ]

[ for some reason, what david says pisses him off more than it reassures him. sure, there's a part of him that appreciates it, but the fact is that both of them have everything to lose here.

he's the one who brought it up. he wouldn't have even considered it if there wasn't a dark, strangled part of him that wanted to be here. no, it's not ideal. twenty feet below them is everyone who could destroy them. he really shouldn't be doing this. but he's as frustrated as david is with the way things have changed between them. it used to be so easy to hate him.

so he turns, as david follows him, and says nothing. just reaches out and grabs him by the tie - where it's knotted up by the shirt, where any damage is easily fixed or hidden - and drags him in and kisses him and it's hard and furious desperate. his other hand finally gets to touch that fucking shirt, black silk that feels exactly like he imagined it would, and feel the hard muscles underneath. ]

[ well, that's as good a response as any. ]

[ david responds in kind once he catches himself, furious with this situation, with evan, with how close this is to ruining everything and yet he can't stop himself. ]

[ he brings a hand to the back of evan's neck to hold him, other hand sliding under his jacket and over his hip. a brief consideration before he's shoving evan back toward the nearest wall to pin him against it and keep as little distance between their bodies as possible. ]

[ in one second this could ruin his whole life. but he can't stop. he's never been truly impulsive, except when it comes to violence; even when dealing with women he was never this stupid. there was no sneaking away during high-profile events to do something like this, because that would have gotten him in shit, although maybe not particularly deep shit. this? this is fatal.

but all he does is dig his fingers into david's shirt harder.

he snarls when his back hits the wall but doesn't push david off. not when they're this close. not when he can let go of his tie and get both hands on his chest instead, feeling every line of muscle under the silk. not when there's hands on him in turn. when he can feel the heat searing between them.

and he thinks, as he tries to avoid biting too much, that this isn't going to do shit to cut the tension in the long run. ]

[ in the back of his mind, he's practically yelling at himself. because he's smarter than this, david knows he is. there's a reason it's been only women for this long, even if he doesn't even like women, it works well enough. so why, if he's gonna risk that, is it with probably the worst possible man he could've chosen? ]

[ he doesn't know. all david knows is evan's body is broad and strong and his fingers hesitate at the waistband of evan's pants with the desire to get his hand under his shirt and feel his skin, map the lines and contours of his muscles with his fingers. another time, he thinks, and winces at the words flitting through his mind. ]

[ it's not enough. it's glaringly obvious for david in every little thing he has to stop himself doing; when he shifts his weight and stops himself just shy of pressing a thigh forward between evan's legs. thinks about how he'd love to leave a mark on his neck and knows that there's no fucking way. ]

[ maybe it won't ever be enough. david pulls his hand back so he can undo evan's jacket and splay his hand out over his torso, push his palm up to his ribs where he can feel the way they expand when evan breathes. he already has a more intimate knowledge of evan at this point, why did he think just making out would satisfy anything? especially here, now, when he has to be so restrained so they can keep up appearances when they're done? ]

[ it was a mistake to start and a mistake to go forward, but it's too late to back off now - or at least, to shut it down like it never happened. he wants to do a lot more than just make out. or at least he wants to take it further than he knows he should. make david regret ever letting this go forward. make himself regret it.

his fingers curl against muscles, against david's ribs, against his spine - and it's not going to do enough, because he wants to bite down and anything will be visible at this point. he snarls against the kiss. wants to say something. wants to do something even more.

he manages to get a hand back up to the tie, and starts to undo it. pull it free from the knot so he can fight the buttons open on david's shirt. get to a place that is hidden from sight so he can try and leave a mark, no matter how stupid it is. nobody's going to ask david to strip down here, are they? this is classy, right? ]

[ evan starts working at his tie, and that whittles away a bit of david's self-restraint. just enough that he follows suit, quickly moving his hands to pull evan's tie undone, to start undoing his shirt. ]

[ he wants so badly to get his hands on evan's skin, sink his teeth into it. it's frustrating to have to be careful with his clothes when what david wants is to just rip them off him. ]

[ this is just gonna have to be good enough for now. ]

[ it's only the shreds of his self-control that keep him from tearing david's perfect shirt. that, and the fact that he doesn't want to see something like that destroyed. a strange part of him that never sees the light of day until ... well, shit like this happens.

as soon as he's got the tie loose enough to get out of the way and he can feel the hard line of a collarbone under his fingers he's leaning in, teeth grazing and then biting, running on almost automatic as he doesn't draw blood but sucks a bruise into place - or at least something that might eventually be a bruise. it's well below the collar, so nobody's going to see it tonight. or the other one he leaves a few seconds later. ]

[ the bite makes something surge in him that david has to fight to restrain, a sharp hiss slipping out between his teeth as his fingers still, grip tightening in the front of evan's shirt for just a second before he catches himself, resumes undoing his buttons and untucking his shirt like it's a matter of great urgency. a few might be a little loose after this, but none of them are at immediate risk of falling off. ]

[ the second it's fully undone, david's hands find evan's chest, spreads his hands out over it, taking his time despite the frenzy of everything else so far. digs his fingers in and drags them across his skin in time with the way evan bites and sucks at his collarbone. ]

[ this time he really can't stop himself pushing his knee forward, between evan's legs, grinding against him. it's pretty much a herculean show of self-control that that's all he does. ]

[ the touch just urges him on. he doesn't hear any buttons hit the floor, so he doesn't panic, but he does bite down a little harder in response.

under david's fingers are scars, old and new, littered over his chest and stomach. between them, every touch makes evan tense a little more, try not to shiver, and he manages to resist it right up until david's sliding a leg between his again and grinding hard against him, which makes him pull back and draw in a few panting breaths.

this is too much. at the same time, it's not going to be enough. ]

- hold on. You can't - unless you're getting on your knees again, I can't - handle that.

[ when evan pulls back, david instinctively chases his lips, but he's speaking before david can catch them. he ends up instead with his forehead pressed to evan's temple, eyes closed as he tries to listen to what he's saying. ]

... Shit.

[ he fucked up, got carried away and pushed too far. his thumb traces the jagged line of a scar on evan's
ches and he puts his foot down to take the pressure off. no way is he getting on his knees, not right now. for a ton of reasons, not least because he doesn't think he can handle having the taste on the back of his tongue for the rest of the night. ]

Sorry. I didn't-- [ he swallows, unmoving for tge moment. ] Got carried away.

[ despite everything, evan doesn't move. he stays where he is, feeling david against him, the hand on his chest, the lack of pressure against him not really helping anything, the silk and skin under his own hands.

what a stupid fucking idea. and he can't blame david for it, as much as he wants to. it's all his fault. all his own stupid fucking idea. david even tried to give him an out and he was too stupid to take it. ]

This ain't gonna work. We need to -

[ do this somewhere else? do it another time? is he going to lose his nerve or get stupider between this hot, terrifying moment and that potential future moment? ]

Get back down. [ he tries not to let his breathing shudder. ] Do this - later.

[ david takes a deep breath, eyes still closed, resisting how easy it would be to just tilt his head a little and kiss evan to shut him up, keep this going right here and now. david could make a mess of him, he's sure of that fact, and the idea is so alluring he has no idea how the fuck he's supposed to tear himself away from this moment. ]

Yeah.

[ so overwhelmed by all this, david doesn't even think anything of "later." obviously if not now, then later. why wouldn't they pick this back up when they can do whatever with minimal risk of being caught? why wouldn't that be a great idea? ]

Fuck-- yeah, okay.

[ david forces himself to pull back, take his hands off evan and move away so he can start to fix his shirt and tie. ]

[ it takes evan a second to get a grip on himself when david pulls away, because part of him - most of him, actually - doesn't want this to end. he wants to stay right up here and finish things off. but he was being honest: if this kept going, david had to finish it, and evan knows he probably wouldn't be able to return the favor right now.

his hands don't quite shake as he goes to redo his shirt, having to jam it back under the waistband of his pants because david yanked it out so effectively. the tie's a little harder to fix, but it wasn't great in the first place, so that's fine.

he watches david button up his shirt again, hiding the red marks that might be bruises later, and wonders if he'll still want to see those in a few days, or a week, or whenever the hell they can find time to get back to this. if he doesn't start to regret this so much he ignores every text and call.

because he regretted the last two times so much, right? ]

You head back first. They'll be looking for you.

[ and by the time david's re-integrated, evan will just sort of show up. nobody will suspect their disappearances were linked. nobody's going to care.

he hopes. ]

[ once his shirt's buttoned up, david looks down at his tie with a frown, pulls it loose so he can do it back up. there's some wrinkles he'd rather not have thanks to the way evan pulled it, but nobody'll be able to tell once it's done up. by this point in the night he's probably still more put together than a bunch of the guys in there. ]

[ he picks up his jacket next, puts it back on, silently dreading... everything. going back is bad enough on its own, but after this? it's gonna be on his mind all night. ]

Alright. [ he smooths his lapels down and then looks up at evan with a sigh, back up a couple steps toward the door. ] Be seein' you.

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject