hardlydead | (( them gods gonna hurt you son; when you play with a loaded gun ))

[ the look he shoots evan is a brief one of concern at the way he pulls back, at how flustered he seems to be. and sure, david could acknowledge that it's kind of his fault, but he won't. he does almost ask if he's sure when he mentions the bed, but stops himself. nods and uses his grip on evan's hips to start guiding him that way. ]

[ the concern, plus his own anger over his own uncertainty, spurs evan on. he can't let all this control him - he can't let his insecurity over the scars cripple this, even as far as he's not sure exactly what this is. and just because he's never actually had sex with another guy doesn't mean he's not capable of it. right?

everything's fighting in his skull, and that means the anger wins, every time. after being guided a few more steps he tightens his grip, turns, shoves david toward the bed - doesn't try to throw or really push him, because he has some idea of where the limits are - and follows like he has some idea of what he's doing.

he's not going to let the weakest parts of himself control him. not here and now. not with david. ]

[ the shove, funnily enough, relaxes david. not that he thinks evan is suddenly over whatever's going on in his head right now, but he's pushing past it, and that's good enough. ]

[ david backs up a step with the shove, makes an amused noise and raises an eyebrow at it, hands on evan's hips still pulling him with. ]

[ if evan thinks he's going to just let him do whatever though, that's not about to happen. granted, sometimes david just takes these moments of passivity just to see what evan's going to do, but, well. he's pushing him toward the bed, it doesn't take a genius to figure out what comes next. once they're close enough, david tries to turn them so evan's the one with his back to the bed, in service of shoving him roughly onto it. ]

[ the attempt to turn them around reminds evan that this is as much a fight as it is fucking, and even as he's dragged around he tenses, grabbing at david's hair to keep a grip on him that'll definitely feel like it's something controlling. easy enough to break, but it'll require letting go.

the shove works, but he drags david with him. something in him panics at being on his back on a bed mostly naked with another guy, but he overcomes it by immediately attempting to roll them both and get david on his back. ]

[ well david's not about to let that happen if he can control it. he falls on the bed with a pained grunt at the pull on his hair, teeth bared in anger at the way evan immediately tries to fight him. normally he'd be fine with being on his back, but not like this. not with evan trying to take control. not in his own bed. ]

[ david tries his best to wedge a leg between evan's and swing his other to hook around his hip and use that to roll him onto his back, try and get him pinned that way. ]

[ it's a fight, immediately it's a fight, and that's how things should be, right? neither one of them can live without it, especially when the other is concerned.

it still puts him off that david's so quick to roll him after he fought to get them like they were, especially because it's almost a pin. he could probably flip them, but it'd be more violent, more dangerous. more like an actual fight. evan snarls when he ends up on his back, a real one, too, teeth bared and everything. if he lunges, he'll crush his own dick. ]

You think you can handle this?

[ less a question, more an accusation. more a demand to flip this. again. ]

[ if he had the brainpower to think about it, it might concern him, the way having evan pinned under him shoots right to his dick, but all david's really consciously aware of is the satisfaction of it. and the awareness that it doesn't mean he'll stay pinned. he could reverse this, and david's well aware of that, but he can's ignore the opportunity to talk shit. ]

[ so david's well aware he's playing with fire here, the way he nudges his knee up a little higher between evan's legs and leans down closer to him, close enough he can feel evan's breath on his face. plants an arm across his throat for good measure, not hard enough to choke, but the threat is there. ]

Been handling you for years now, Mac.

[ evan doesn't like being pinned on his back and never has, especially when it's david above him, but the context keeps him from getting really violent. this isn't an out-and-out fight. he's not about to get his face broken in if he doesn't get back on top. he's not about to get called out, yelled at, called a failure, pathetic - at least, not by anybody except himself.

it's hard to hold himself in check. hard, after all these years, to put up with this. especially when that arm goes across his throat, threatening to crush his windpipe at the same time as david's leg crushes his dick.

evan bares his teeth again, if he ever stopped in the first place. ]

Only on the streets.

[ one hand snaps to david's wrist, pushing back against the pressure on his neck. the other gets into his hair, digging tightly and painfully, threatening to yank and drag - but not doing it just yet. it's a warning. ]

[ david's response to that is a smug little smirk, even as evan manages to push his arm up enough it's not really keeping him pinned anymore. so far, evan isn't turning this into a real fight, and david's trying the same, but he doesn't know where the line is that'll tip them over — not for himself, nor for evan
]

[ well either he'll push too far or he won't. david shifts his weight a little so he can more comfortably straddle evan's thigh, move his free hand to slide it down between them, to slip it into evan's underwear and get a hand on him. ]

I dunno about that one.

[ it's a thin line, and it's invisible so far. to both of them, evan's certain. he knows david's less volatile than he is - hasn't he made fun of him for it before? being too weak to know when to fight? - but the line is still there, somewhere.

unfortunately the idea of where the line is evaporates when david gets a hand around him what seems like much too abruptly. the pressure against david's arm loosens, almost without him realizing it, because there's panic but above that, with more priority, is the fact that this is still something that feels really fucking good. ]

Didn't - handle - me last time.

[ well, that's not true. he did. in the same vein as evan handled him. but it's easier to argue than fight when his thighs are already clamping around david's not to flip him but to keep him there. ]

[ well david doesn't know about that one either, he got evan's shirt off him, didn't he? he'd count that as handling him. any mutual handling is neither here nor there, and david makes a quiet mm-mm sound in disagreement as he dips his head to find evan's neck again. moves down to his collarbone, teeth scraping over the thinnest parts of his skin as he does. ]

[ the hand he has on evan, it takes him a moment to get right because of the angle, but once david has it he starts stroking him, not too slow but not fast either. unconsciously grinding a little against his hip at the same time. ]

[ it'd be easy to just give in to this, he knows, which is why he won't do it. he can't let himself show any more weakness than he already has. the hand around his dick is a distraction, an invitation to just shut up and stop fighting, but he won't let that happen. not just can't, but won't. it's half terror and half spite. david doesn't get to run this show.

he's still pushing back against the arm over his throat, the other moving to fumble first at david's neck, then his ribs, then finally clawing at his underwear to drag them off if possible or just away if not. so that he can get a hand somewhere particular, too.

it'll be as much a distraction to david as it is to him, he hopes. the teeth at his throat make him hiss out a groan, but he doesn't lose focus. mostly. for now. ]

[ it's admittedly kind of hard to focus on keeping evan pinned when there's a hand on his dick, but david is going to do his best. he bites at evan's collarbone, groans lightly against his skin at the same time. ]

[ he tries to adjust his weight again, trying to put more down on his arm to make up for how hard it is to actively focus on it alongside everything else he's trying to do, as much of him wishing evan would just relax as is on a feedback loop between the aggression and his arousal. ]

[ he doesn't want to get choked out here. doesn't want to be pinned, either, and he tenses again even as he fights back a groan, wondering if he can move them, get this in reverse - but at this point it'd be awkward to the point of being dangerous, considering where they've gotten their hands.

maybe if he can just get david distracted enough to drop his arm. maybe.

evan can't quite return the favor on david's neck, much as he'd like to, so instead he tries to work his hand a little more aggressively. not harsh or rushed but way more intent. like he's trying to get david off fast, faster than him - or just fast enough to change the way they're arranged. ]

[ he can't keep his arm there under this situation, it's too much to focus on. david makes a low noise, almost a growl, and finally pulls his arm back, planting his hand heavily on evan's chest instead. ]

[ david's not about to just give up control like this though, he keeps moving down from where he was at evan's collarbone. bites the flesh of his chest, moves further to suck a nipple into his mouth, testing for a reaction. ]

[ the loss of pressure on his neck makes him suck in a hard breath - not that he was being choked before, but it definitely had the feel of it. then of course david's hand is pressed hard against his chest, putting pressure there, but whatever irritation that gets him is wiped clean when david's mouth is there, too.

evan makes a noise he's certain he'll regret later, even if it's caught through clenched teeth. his grip around david tightens unintentionally, the now-free hand scrabbling in david's hair again. he loosens his grip, but it's a bad sign that he gave anything away at all.

of course, david gets a lot of that out of him. always has, in fact. ]

[ david moans softly, encouraging the hand in his hair, anything evan wants to do now that isn't fighting him. it's another noise for david to swallow, catalogue and file away and pretend it's not going to flit through his mind some night when he's on his own. ]

[ the fingers of the hand he has on evan's chest curl against him, nails scratching at his skin, rocking against his hip and into his hand as he keeps up what he's doing, seeing how close he can get to fully overwhelming evan. ]

[ he needs to fight back. not to stop this but to take control of it. he's never really lost control in his life - well, no, that's an outright lie, the ultimate truth is that he's never had any control at all but in shit like this he's always had control - so the idea of giving in like this to david is ...

without him thinking about it, his hips jerk up against david, against his hand and his thigh. he tries to draw some of that attention away from his chest with a sudden squeeze and stroke, tries to get something resembling his own self-control back. or at least a little room to fucking breathe.

he wants to swear, wants to curse david out, wants to call him a whole slew of names. none of it gets out. he just pulls harder at david's hair, tries to lighten the pressure and intensity, tries not to give in too soon, too easily. it's hard enough to breathe without making some kind of noise. swearing would be a godawful idea. ]

[ david curses under his breath, has to stop what he's doing with his mouth to press his forehead against evan's chest and suck in a breath just to get ahead of this a little. a shudder running through him, hips jerking into evan's hand. ]

[ it's only the length of a breath though, picking back up with a bite for good measure. he's never had this hard a time staying focused on his partner, but maybe that makes sense, it's almost always been women. ]

[ but evan's close, he can tell. david lets his hand roam over the other side of evan's chest while he adjusts his grip to something a little firmer to try and finish him off. ]

[ it hits him too late that this isn't actually something mutual david was pushing here. he's trying to get him off deliberately. it's almost a shock, because everything they've done up until now except that first drunk blowjob in his apartment has been mutual. the idea that it might not be - ]

H-hold on -

[ but it's too little too late, because david's already got a new grip, a firmer touch, and between that and bites and everything else evan has to let go of david's dick to stop from hurting him unintentionally. he digs his fingers into david's hip instead and both hands grip probably too tight as he slams his head back into the bed, trying to hold out a little longer and failing.

he doesn't quite make a noise when he comes, but there's a whine in the hiss of breath he lets escape between his teeth. the tension's rock-solid in him, and then it drops, although he doesn't loosen his grip on david at all. ]

- fucker.

[ david has to actively stop himself saying anything at first, because every instinctive response he has is one he doesn't think evan would respond to well to; not because they're insulting, the complete opposite actually. evan seems like the type to immediately get his hackles up about any kind of praise, especially from david. ]

[ he takes his hand off evan when he's done and smooths it out over his hip, presses his forehead against his chest again with a breathless laugh at evan calling him a fucker. yeah, maybe. ]

[ he's completely right - evan would lose his shit even more than usual over that. it'd unnerve him again to find out that david knows him a lot better than he'd like. it's never good, being that known by someone who hates you.

after he manages to get his breathing back under control, he pulls david's head up not too roughly with the grip on his hair and glares at him. ]

I'm not blowing you.

[ he's not going to leave without finishing things here, but it'll be with a hand, most likely. he can't deal with the idea of doing otherwise. ]

[ david lets out another breathless laugh and reaches up for evan's wrist, trying to get him to let go of his hair so he can roll off him and onto the bed next to him. that was a lot of work, he thinks he deserves to lay down now. ]

Wasn't expecting you to.

[ he's not expecting anything at all, truthfully. not that he'd turn it down, but something about that was... satisfying. ]

[ david's lack of annoyance, or insult, or ... anything, really, is somehow more irritating than if he'd pushed back.

evan lets go and manages to get himself almost sitting, glaring down at david who's just ... relaxing, like he's the one who got off here. he can tell the interest is still there - it's really clear given they're both down to their underwear - so why the hell is he so calm?

for a few seconds he just waits to see what happens next, and then, realizing david's basically (not really) defenseless, evan pushes himself up and climbs onto him. not hard, not fast, not rough. not like he expects david to swing at him for it. but enough to box him in on the bed, one hand flat next to his head, the other at his hip, pulling his underwear down enough to free him. ]

Liar.

[ his eyes glint with interest when evan climbs on him, surprised but also not really surprised at all — evan doesn't like to leave things uneven between them if he can help it, which means david has no cause to complain unless he plans on being an asshole about it. ]

[ he grunts, relief at being freed from his underwear, eyes tracking what he can comfortably see of what evan's doing. an amused pull to his expression when evan calls him a liar, because why would he expect that from someone who's shown exactly zero interest in doing it? ]

Nah.

[ for a moment he looks like he has more to say, but he shakes his head, still with a hint of that smirk when he looks up at evan and lifts a hand to the side of his neck, thumb braced along the edge of his jaw. ]

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