[ david opens his mouth to argue, but he relents. that guilt isn't going anywhere, that feeling that he condemned jeff by swapping places. part of him wants to point out jeff would feel the same if it was the other way around but something about that just feels as though it'd be mean given the state jeff's in, so david doesn't say a thing. he wraps his arm tightly around jeff to keep him close and combs his fingers though his hair with a soft sigh. ]
Yeah-- we did. [ feelings aside, it's a good result — more than, in fact. getting more than one or two people out isn't exactly a common occurrence, especially against the oni, but-- ]
[ he thinks about standing there, helpless, watching as jeff's tongue was ripped out. remembers the slick, wet crunch of his body being crushed under that kanabo, and his fingers twitch where they're splayed out on jeff's back. ]
[ david turns his head, presses his lips and nose to the top of jeff's with another quiet sigh. just focusing on this, on how relieved he is to have jeff back instead of the disappointed voice in the back of his head saying it should've been him. ]
[ some of the tension jeff's been carrying since he jerked awake in the woods some hours ago eases with the slide of david's fingers in his hair. it doesn't get rid of the full-body ache, but he feels less like a rubber band pulled to its limit. some of the anxiety balled up in his chest melts away with it too, and jeff breathes another heavy sigh of relief into david's shoulder.
it isn't the first time jeff's died - every single person here has been sacrificed probably more times than anyone would like to count - and it's certainly not the first time he's been confronted with the oni's wrath, but. it is the first time he's come back and had someone to lean on like this, both physically and otherwise. something about david's presence is just - soothing in a way that's not all that surprising, all things considered, but definitely more comforting than he would have guessed. he feels safe, and letting his guard down feels easy.
jeff slides his hands down david's back, buries them up under his shirt so he can press his palms flat, seeking out the warmth of his skin. reassurance that he's alive and okay even though he knows as much already.
for a while, he says nothing. just stands with david, holds him close and tight and finds comfort in the closeness, and tries not to think about anything else but the warmth and the weight of him and the way his chest pushes against his every time he inhales. it's hard though, to keep his foggy mind from wandering. sure, his memory is hazy, but there are little snippets that slip through - most prominently, vittorio's voice trying to convince david that they needed to keep going, right around the time the oni plunged a sword into jeff's chest.
he knows david stayed. he knows david had to be dragged out, because meg told him as much. which means - ]
Wish you hadn't seen. [ jeff mumbles it quietly against david's shoulder, barely above a whisper. he knows david'll hear him. ] M'sorry.
Not your fault. [ david sighs into jeff's hair, it's not like he had any control over it. going down at the gate is a more common occurrence than people would like, sure, but getting murdered right there in the exit? in front of everyone? that's the killer's decision. ]
[ he's not used to having jeff lean on him like this, but david's just glad he's here to do it. probably has died more than most people here, but you get so set in the routine of just dealing with it, it's easy to forget that it's not something you ever really get used to. not in a way that particularly helps. just... get practiced at swallowing it all and getting on with the next day's shitshow. ]
[ david strokes his fingers up and down jeff's back, quiet and happy to stay here for a while. ]
[ the short, quiet note jeff hums in the back of his throat seems... skeptical, like he doesn't quite agree that it wasn't his fault that he went down where he did, but also maybe can't argue it well enough otherwise. it is his fault that he didn't try to run, that he made no attempt to try and engage the oni in a chase, maybe take him away from the gates so someone else could power it up that last bit without having to witness the brutality of the oni's wrath. then again, if he'd taken the chase elsewhere, the likelihood that david would have come back in after him would be fairly high, jeff would guess, and he doesn't really want to think about what might have happened if everyone hadn't been exactly where they were. vittorio was there to haul david out before he could do anything stupid, and he could only do as much because they were right at the exit.
maybe there was no winning that one.
jeff sighs. flexes his fingers gently against david's back, turns his head a little so he can press his nose against the side of his head for a beat, right above the shell of his ear. it's been who knows how many hours, and he still feels pretty drained. a little nauseated, too, but that's normal and slowly wearing off. he's never really been a man of many words, but he feels like he should say something. ]
Think Meg's a little worried about you.
[ she didn't say that, not in so many words at least, but the fact that she mentioned david to jeff at all probably means something. and, you know, maybe jeff's just checking in, too. if david's been out here for as long as meg implied. ]
[ david combs his fingers through jeff's hair, smooths some of it back and tucks it behind his ear, gently nudges him with his other arm in a silent gesture to say maybe they should sit down or something. ]
She knows she doesn't need to worry about me.
[ the implied you don't need to worry about me goes without saying, obviously, as david tilts his own head a little toward jeff's with a soft sigh. ]
[ if jeff had the energy, he'd argue that someone needs to worry about david, considering how often he runs straight into harm's way. sure, it's for the sake of someone else, but that doesn't make finding him somewhere covered in blood, or having to hear him scream from across the realm any easier. david sure isn't going to worry about himself.
but jeff's tired, and it's a pointless argument anyway, if it could even be considered an argument at all. the gentle nudge is enough of a suggestion to jeff him moving, and though he's loath to pull away from david, he does so anyway and moves to sit down with his back against a fallen tree only a handful of steps away, heaving a heavy sigh when he settles. ]
Doesn't stop her though, does it?
[ obviously he's not really talking about meg, but it makes the conversation feel slightly less serious. ]
[ david wonders, as he sits next to jeff, if he should push against that so they're talking about jeff instead of "meg". but if it makes talking easier than maybe he should leave it alone. it's hard to know the best choice to make. ]
[ jeff isn't fragile — never has been in the time they've known eachother — but sometimes david has this urge to protect him like he is. not just from killers, but from himself. from david too. there's something precious in jeff's gentleness, in the care and patience he extends to other people and the way those qualities haven't been ground down by his time in the fog, but david's not going to stop throwing himself headlong into danger and they both know that. ]
[ david doesn't want worrying about him to be the thing that finally wears jeff down. ]
Some people are worriers, I guess. Even when it's them we should be worrying about.
[ he reclines against that log, doing his best to make himself an inviting pillow or something. reaches for jeff with a soft c'mon, here once he thinks he's got it. ]
[ there's not much jeff can think of to say to that, no argument to make because david's not wrong, though his brow does furrow slightly. he wonders, quietly, if david knows meg is somewhat of a cover. does he worry about jeff? is that what he's saying? jeff's too tired to try and read between the lines or peel away the facade.
when david gestures for him to come closer, jeff only hesitates for maybe half a second. he plants his hands in the dirt on either side of himself, lifts and shifts his weight with more effort than usual, until eventually he's - laying down. sprawled out on the forest floor with his hands folded over each other on his stomach, and the back of his head rested on david's thigh, eyes closed. how's that for a pillow? ]
[ it's not exactly what he expected jeff to do, and david takes it to mean he still feels like shit. lets him settle and then quietly starts to comb his fingers through jeff's hair, brings his other hand to his chest, touch light as it moves up to his neck where his thumb can brush lightly along his jaw. ]
[ neither of them like to bother people with their feelings, and david respects that, he doesn't pry because he knows he'd get frustrated if the shoe was on the other foot. he'd like it if jeff would though, he thinks. if jeff would tell him when he's frustrated or hurt or whatever, but david would have to do the same in return and that's not easy. for a lot of reasons. ]
[ david sits on that thought for a little, looking down at jeff as he strokes his hair in the quiet. almost a little apologetic when he does speak. ]
It's... It's harder now. When you get hurt. [ he clears his throat ] That's what it is.
[ the urge to drop everything when he knows jeff's in trouble is so strong, so difficult to fight to keep his head on straight. sometimes it's the worst possible thing he could do in the moment, but david thinks he wouldn't care at all if it meant keeping jeff alive and getting him through those doors. but jeff would hate that, if saving him meant putting someone else in danger, and david would hate himself for it too. worse than he does when he feels as though he's failed. ]
[ he doesn't regret this — whatever this is between them — but sometimes david wonders if it wasn't on purpose somehow. some dumb little scheme of the entity's, to reach out a hand with something good, knowing the ways it would inevitably hurt too. but more likely it's just the reality of how things are here. ]
[ david's not wrong - jeff does still feel like hot wet garbage set on fire. coming back from being sacrificed is never particularly easy, especially when the cause is death is more than a few meat hooks shoved through the chest in just the right place, but something about this last go has left him feeling more wrung out than usual, though not enough for jeff to feel terribly concerned about it. maybe he's just getting too old for this.
the thought is enough to make him laugh a little, though it's hardly more than a tired puff of air through his nose. can't use that as an excuse when time is a questionable concept here.
he's feeling better than he did an hour ago though. functional, present. david is often good at grounding him, aware of it or not. jeff relaxes into the subtle touches, the hand in his hair, the thumb following the line of his jaw. if it weren't for the violent trauma leading up to this moment, he thinks he could get used to this, just existing in the quiet with someone he cares about. jeff watches david quietly, can tell there's something on his mind, but like more often than not, he doesn't pry. he's learned that waiting typically yields the same results. and he's not wrong this time, either.
david's admission isn't... surprising, if only because it's something jeff understands completely himself. for as long as jeff has known him, david's always been the type to run head first into danger with, presumably, no sense of self preservation. he's seen david stumble out of trials covered in more blood and bruises than one man should be able to walk off, he's heard his pained shouts echo across every realm at least once, and it's never been easy to witness, not with david or with anyone - but it is harder, now that they're... involved. it takes more effort to bite his tongue when david insists on putting himself into situations he more than likely will not survive just to make sure someone else does. it takes more effort not to snap at him for being so fucking reckless sometimes, and jeff never snaps. has never and if he can help it, will never, but the new urge to grab david by the front of his jacket and shove him in a safer direction and tell him to fucking go has been noted. several times.
so he gets it. why it's difficult, why david needs space and time away from everyone like this, why he's been out in the woods for who knows how long since their last trial with the oni. if their places were swapped, jeff knows he'd be out here too. beating himself up, going over every misstep, wondering if there was something else he could have done to keep david safe.
jeff exhales quietly through his nose, his brows pinching together gently for a moment before relaxing again. he turns his head just slightly, just enough to push his nose and his mouth against david's palm, not quite a kiss but a suggestion of one. he reaches up with one of his hands, runs it along david's forearm, squeezes his wrist. hums a short, low note in acknowledgement. ]
... I know. [ jeff's voice is still a little rough, and his lack of projection doesn't help. he clears his throat, wets his lips, lets his hand drift from david's wrist, to his elbow, and back again, fingers ghosting over old ink. ] For me too. Watching you... do what you do.
[ putting himself in harm's way, or worse. not saying anything about it because it won't change anything and jeff cannot and does not fault david for trying to save people. jeff does the same shit to a lesser extent, so it'd be hypocritical of him, but. it's still hard, and he imagines it'll only get harder.
but it's worth it, at least to him.
jeff offers a faint, fleeting little smile and makes a tired attempt to lighten the mood a little. ]
Saw you about to try and fist fight the Oni. [ that was about the last thing he saw, blurry as fuck, before he fully kicked the bucket. ] Never pegged you for an idiot, but...
[ despite the weight of everything, david can't help the ghost of a smile that pulls on his lips at the way jeff turns his head toward his palm, and david brings his hand up to cup jeff's face in response, thumb rubbing slow and light over his cheek. soothed himself by the hand on his arm, the light squeeze to his wrist, even through the apologetic frown that graces his expression because he knows he's not an easy person to care about and be in a trial with. ]
[ there's a part of him that always wishes he could make people not care, so they wouldn't be urged to try and get him to stop, wouldn't be sad when the odds aren't in his favour and he eats shit. how many times has he let himself die on the hook just to deter last-minute saves once the gates are open? and he has no intention to stop, even knowing as he does. ]
[ and then jeff brings up how ready david was to fight the oni, which pulls him out of his thoughts with a soft laugh. ]
[ david's laugh, however quiet and distracted, is somewhat comforting and jeff finds himself trying to hide a tired little smile of his own. his eyes roll like he's thinking, like he's trying to pull a thought or a memory out of the empty space between himself and david, mouth turning downward slightly as if it's actually fairly difficult to think of any other time that david's been a bit of an idiot.
it's not that hard. fortunately, a number of those moments have been relatively harmless.
jeff's eyebrows lift slightly, his fingers flexing loosely at david's wrist. ]
Well. [ he shrugs one of his shoulders lazily, bumping slightly against david's thigh. ] There was that one time I had to come uncuff your ass from the bar.
[ at the saloon. which probably was only half david's fault, but jeff would bet the events leading up to him being chained to the bar were less than... genius. and jeff's only teasing, anyway. ]
And then there was...
[ he tapers off, chuckles quietly. truthfully, he can't think of anything else unrelated to the stunts david pulls in trials, and that shit is more or less off limits as far as discussion goes - but it's fun to pull david's leg a little. ]
[ david still has no idea how he ended up cuffed to the bar (or why he wasn't killed by slinger or some other killer on his turf) but mention of it still makes him laugh. he still remembers the warmth of jeff's jacket fresh off him, warm and comfortable like something he could sink into, and the way it smelled like him. he hadn't entirely wanted to give it back at the time and he didn't know why, but he gets it now. ]
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hardlydead) wrote2021-11-01 05:44 am
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Yeah-- we did. [ feelings aside, it's a good result — more than, in fact. getting more than one or two people out isn't exactly a common occurrence, especially against the oni, but-- ]
[ he thinks about standing there, helpless, watching as jeff's tongue was ripped out. remembers the slick, wet crunch of his body being crushed under that kanabo, and his fingers twitch where they're splayed out on jeff's back. ]
[ david turns his head, presses his lips and nose to the top of jeff's with another quiet sigh. just focusing on this, on how relieved he is to have jeff back instead of the disappointed voice in the back of his head saying it should've been him. ]
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it isn't the first time jeff's died - every single person here has been sacrificed probably more times than anyone would like to count - and it's certainly not the first time he's been confronted with the oni's wrath, but. it is the first time he's come back and had someone to lean on like this, both physically and otherwise. something about david's presence is just - soothing in a way that's not all that surprising, all things considered, but definitely more comforting than he would have guessed. he feels safe, and letting his guard down feels easy.
jeff slides his hands down david's back, buries them up under his shirt so he can press his palms flat, seeking out the warmth of his skin. reassurance that he's alive and okay even though he knows as much already.
for a while, he says nothing. just stands with david, holds him close and tight and finds comfort in the closeness, and tries not to think about anything else but the warmth and the weight of him and the way his chest pushes against his every time he inhales. it's hard though, to keep his foggy mind from wandering. sure, his memory is hazy, but there are little snippets that slip through - most prominently, vittorio's voice trying to convince david that they needed to keep going, right around the time the oni plunged a sword into jeff's chest.
he knows david stayed. he knows david had to be dragged out, because meg told him as much. which means - ]
Wish you hadn't seen. [ jeff mumbles it quietly against david's shoulder, barely above a whisper. he knows david'll hear him. ] M'sorry.
[ okay. no apologies... except this one. ]
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[ he's not used to having jeff lean on him like this, but david's just glad he's here to do it. probably has died more than most people here, but you get so set in the routine of just dealing with it, it's easy to forget that it's not something you ever really get used to. not in a way that particularly helps. just... get practiced at swallowing it all and getting on with the next day's shitshow. ]
[ david strokes his fingers up and down jeff's back, quiet and happy to stay here for a while. ]
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maybe there was no winning that one.
jeff sighs. flexes his fingers gently against david's back, turns his head a little so he can press his nose against the side of his head for a beat, right above the shell of his ear. it's been who knows how many hours, and he still feels pretty drained. a little nauseated, too, but that's normal and slowly wearing off. he's never really been a man of many words, but he feels like he should say something. ]
Think Meg's a little worried about you.
[ she didn't say that, not in so many words at least, but the fact that she mentioned david to jeff at all probably means something. and, you know, maybe jeff's just checking in, too. if david's been out here for as long as meg implied. ]
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She knows she doesn't need to worry about me.
[ the implied you don't need to worry about me goes without saying, obviously, as david tilts his own head a little toward jeff's with a soft sigh. ]
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but jeff's tired, and it's a pointless argument anyway, if it could even be considered an argument at all. the gentle nudge is enough of a suggestion to jeff him moving, and though he's loath to pull away from david, he does so anyway and moves to sit down with his back against a fallen tree only a handful of steps away, heaving a heavy sigh when he settles. ]
Doesn't stop her though, does it?
[ obviously he's not really talking about meg, but it makes the conversation feel slightly less serious. ]
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[ jeff isn't fragile — never has been in the time they've known eachother — but sometimes david has this urge to protect him like he is. not just from killers, but from himself. from david too. there's something precious in jeff's gentleness, in the care and patience he extends to other people and the way those qualities haven't been ground down by his time in the fog, but david's not going to stop throwing himself headlong into danger and they both know that. ]
[ david doesn't want worrying about him to be the thing that finally wears jeff down. ]
Some people are worriers, I guess. Even when it's them we should be worrying about.
[ he reclines against that log, doing his best to make himself an inviting pillow or something. reaches for jeff with a soft c'mon, here once he thinks he's got it. ]
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[ there's not much jeff can think of to say to that, no argument to make because david's not wrong, though his brow does furrow slightly. he wonders, quietly, if david knows meg is somewhat of a cover. does he worry about jeff? is that what he's saying? jeff's too tired to try and read between the lines or peel away the facade.
when david gestures for him to come closer, jeff only hesitates for maybe half a second. he plants his hands in the dirt on either side of himself, lifts and shifts his weight with more effort than usual, until eventually he's - laying down. sprawled out on the forest floor with his hands folded over each other on his stomach, and the back of his head rested on david's thigh, eyes closed. how's that for a pillow? ]
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[ neither of them like to bother people with their feelings, and david respects that, he doesn't pry because he knows he'd get frustrated if the shoe was on the other foot. he'd like it if jeff would though, he thinks. if jeff would tell him when he's frustrated or hurt or whatever, but david would have to do the same in return and that's not easy. for a lot of reasons. ]
[ david sits on that thought for a little, looking down at jeff as he strokes his hair in the quiet. almost a little apologetic when he does speak. ]
It's... It's harder now. When you get hurt. [ he clears his throat ] That's what it is.
[ the urge to drop everything when he knows jeff's in trouble is so strong, so difficult to fight to keep his head on straight. sometimes it's the worst possible thing he could do in the moment, but david thinks he wouldn't care at all if it meant keeping jeff alive and getting him through those doors. but jeff would hate that, if saving him meant putting someone else in danger, and david would hate himself for it too. worse than he does when he feels as though he's failed. ]
[ he doesn't regret this — whatever this is between them — but sometimes david wonders if it wasn't on purpose somehow. some dumb little scheme of the entity's, to reach out a hand with something good, knowing the ways it would inevitably hurt too. but more likely it's just the reality of how things are here. ]
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the thought is enough to make him laugh a little, though it's hardly more than a tired puff of air through his nose. can't use that as an excuse when time is a questionable concept here.
he's feeling better than he did an hour ago though. functional, present. david is often good at grounding him, aware of it or not. jeff relaxes into the subtle touches, the hand in his hair, the thumb following the line of his jaw. if it weren't for the violent trauma leading up to this moment, he thinks he could get used to this, just existing in the quiet with someone he cares about. jeff watches david quietly, can tell there's something on his mind, but like more often than not, he doesn't pry. he's learned that waiting typically yields the same results. and he's not wrong this time, either.
david's admission isn't... surprising, if only because it's something jeff understands completely himself. for as long as jeff has known him, david's always been the type to run head first into danger with, presumably, no sense of self preservation. he's seen david stumble out of trials covered in more blood and bruises than one man should be able to walk off, he's heard his pained shouts echo across every realm at least once, and it's never been easy to witness, not with david or with anyone - but it is harder, now that they're... involved. it takes more effort to bite his tongue when david insists on putting himself into situations he more than likely will not survive just to make sure someone else does. it takes more effort not to snap at him for being so fucking reckless sometimes, and jeff never snaps. has never and if he can help it, will never, but the new urge to grab david by the front of his jacket and shove him in a safer direction and tell him to fucking go has been noted. several times.
so he gets it. why it's difficult, why david needs space and time away from everyone like this, why he's been out in the woods for who knows how long since their last trial with the oni. if their places were swapped, jeff knows he'd be out here too. beating himself up, going over every misstep, wondering if there was something else he could have done to keep david safe.
jeff exhales quietly through his nose, his brows pinching together gently for a moment before relaxing again. he turns his head just slightly, just enough to push his nose and his mouth against david's palm, not quite a kiss but a suggestion of one. he reaches up with one of his hands, runs it along david's forearm, squeezes his wrist. hums a short, low note in acknowledgement. ]
... I know. [ jeff's voice is still a little rough, and his lack of projection doesn't help. he clears his throat, wets his lips, lets his hand drift from david's wrist, to his elbow, and back again, fingers ghosting over old ink. ] For me too. Watching you... do what you do.
[ putting himself in harm's way, or worse. not saying anything about it because it won't change anything and jeff cannot and does not fault david for trying to save people. jeff does the same shit to a lesser extent, so it'd be hypocritical of him, but. it's still hard, and he imagines it'll only get harder.
but it's worth it, at least to him.
jeff offers a faint, fleeting little smile and makes a tired attempt to lighten the mood a little. ]
Saw you about to try and fist fight the Oni. [ that was about the last thing he saw, blurry as fuck, before he fully kicked the bucket. ] Never pegged you for an idiot, but...
[ that's idiot (affectionate). ]
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[ there's a part of him that always wishes he could make people not care, so they wouldn't be urged to try and get him to stop, wouldn't be sad when the odds aren't in his favour and he eats shit. how many times has he let himself die on the hook just to deter last-minute saves once the gates are open? and he has no intention to stop, even knowing as he does. ]
[ and then jeff brings up how ready david was to fight the oni, which pulls him out of his thoughts with a soft laugh. ]
Never? Really?
[ come on now ]
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it's not that hard. fortunately, a number of those moments have been relatively harmless.
jeff's eyebrows lift slightly, his fingers flexing loosely at david's wrist. ]
Well. [ he shrugs one of his shoulders lazily, bumping slightly against david's thigh. ] There was that one time I had to come uncuff your ass from the bar.
[ at the saloon. which probably was only half david's fault, but jeff would bet the events leading up to him being chained to the bar were less than... genius. and jeff's only teasing, anyway. ]
And then there was...
[ he tapers off, chuckles quietly. truthfully, he can't think of anything else unrelated to the stunts david pulls in trials, and that shit is more or less off limits as far as discussion goes - but it's fun to pull david's leg a little. ]
no subject
There was...?
[ he raises an eyebrow, curious. ]