[ david startles a little as the pull on his arm jolts him out of his thoughts, but he follows evan quietly, almost without thought, as if he's simply moving because somebody told him to. because his mind is still replaying the sensation of feeling a skull cave under his hands and it's a little hard to think about anything else right now. ]
More time. [ difficult, but not impossible. david says it with the tone of someone who just remembered something, thinking out loud more than anything. ] S'what I meant to say. More time than him.
[ not that david really expects evan to remember a stupid exchange david and ghost face were having, nor does he expect him to care. it's just weirdly annoying now that he thinks about it, and it's an easy thing to focus on instead of the uncomfortable, conflicting feelings. or other things he's still too shell-shocked to take notice of just yet. ]
[ evan glances at david when he speaks, having no idea what he means - he was only half paying attention to the words, at least up until they grew an edge and it was impossible to ignore.
he wonders if he should do something about ghost face, for a few seconds. if maybe there's some worth in putting the fear of him into the sneaky bastard. but it probably won't work. besides, he knows what that last insult was - the desperate rage of someone about to die. even ghost face will be irritated with it later, he's pretty certain.
and he wonders, briefly, about the way david responded before the violence. focused on the wrong things. accusing him of jealousy. probably for the best than silence, than just rage. god knows evan would have just broken him in half, and given him exactly what he wanted by doing so.
back down into the mine, avoiding traps and making sure david does the same because he knows he's not paying attention right now. after that, he probably won't go anywhere while evan gets what he needs. patching him up again. last time it was worse than this, but there was something different in the air. ghost face crawled away, david said last time. this time he didn't have the chance.
evan gets the old, not-exactly-clean bandages and snags the water bucket from the forge with the slightly-cleaner rag on it. blood in that doesn't make a difference to him. he waits until david's settled, either on a workbench or against one, before starting to pull the plastic shards out a piece at a time. ]
[ if evan wasn't making sure david didn't step in a trap he would almost certainly have lost a foot. last time, when it was evan, david was significantly more injured, but he'd at least had the luxury of sitting for a while to gather himself before heading out. he'll be embarrassed about it once the haze clears, on having to rely on evan to get him down here safely because he can't be trusted to do it himself, but at least right now he doesn't have the wherewithal to wonder why evan's helping him like this instead of seeing a job done and leaving david on his own. or killing him. ]
[ he leans against a workbench, becoming more aware of where his body hurts now the adrenaline's fading. he can feel the sting of slashes on his arm, blood cooling on the skin. when he looks down he can see where blood has seeped into his shirt, pulls it up under his chest to have a look, but there's really not much to glean from that. just a bleeding wound. luckily ("luckily") david at least has enough experience being stabbed by now to know it's not deep or serious on account of the fact he can still move without issue. ]
[ almost wishes there was an injury to be really concerned about though, something to focus on other than the fact he's stood here covered in his and another man's blood, wondering what that means. probably nothing, really. but when he glances over in the direction evan went, it does ring with some concern. that evan's probably one of the people he's most similar to here, and, well. look how being a murderer worked out for that miserable bastard. ]
[ it occurs to evan, briefly, that he shouldn't be doing this. beyond just the fact that david will heal on his own if left alone long enough, he shouldn't be doing it. he's helping a survivor of his own volition. again. why?
maybe it's the violence. maybe it's some sort of backwards belated apology for their last encounter, as if he could ever consider the concept of apologizing. maybe it's because he's not interested in seeing someone else wander by and take pre-revenge for ghost face, or to let ghost face come back himself and finish the job. in which case killing david would have been easier.
he doesn't think about it more than that, figuring that either the question will answer itself, or he'll forget about it. the lack of time here means every hour is the same. eventually, it'll be forgotten. has to be.
so for now he focuses on david. once one hand is free from plastic he wipes off the blood, eyes the wounds, wraps them up with a rough but experienced hand. god knows how many times he's fucked up his own fists enough beating someone to death; he could do this blindfolded by now.
as he reaches for the other hand, knowing the gut wound isn't that severe if david's still standing: ]
Made me look bad out there.
[ it's not angry, or a threat. he was expecting to use david as a distraction to run ghost face through; instead, david just about wholly took him down. it's almost impressive. would be, if it wasn't ghost face who died. ]
[ david stands there quiet save for the occasional hiss or wince as evan pulls plastic from his hand, keeps his hand relaxed and pliant so he can wrap it up easily. his other hand he leaves resting over his gut wound, watches evan clean up his hand with a vacant gaze. ]
[ at his comment, he looks up at evan and frowns. it takes a second for him to get what he's talking about, and then huffs out a small, quiet laugh. ]
Nah. It's Ghost Face.
[ he's a slippery bastard, but not exactly tough. ]
[ as he starts the process again on david's other hand, evan snorts. ]
Means I shoulda got him at the neck first try.
[ of course, he was aware he was being followed the whole time. despite it all, ghost face is good at getting away. getting out of situations he has no right to get out of. not when there's two people coming at him, apparently, but ... still. he should have done more than hit him, disorient him, and almost take off his arm. ]
Means he shoulda died way before all this.
[ the plastic pieces are small enough that he's not sure he can get them all. he's not a doctor; he doesn't have the tools. but he does what he can. ]
Still. Impressive what you did.
[ and then a probably very unwise comment, coming straight from the part of him that did things like that on the regular, way back when, and a callback to a conversation they had once before even he can barely remember now: ]
Different with your hands, ain't it? Feelin' him go.
[ david shrugs a shoulder. he knows evan has a lot of experience there, but from david's point of view it wasn't a bad showing from either of them. keeping ghost face from slinking off into the shadows to escape or strike again is half the battle. no point arguing that though — evan clearly feels he should've taken the asshole's head at the first swing. maybe he's right. ]
[ then he brings up that and david feels his stomach twist in discomfort at having to acknowledge it, eyes widening briefly in a silent panic. it was satisfying and made him hate himself all in one and he tries to reason it out, justify it in knowing ghost face would've killed him and felt no particular way about it. trying to use logic to push past the worry that maybe he's a bit more like these fuckers on the other side of the fence. a bit more like evan then he'd care to admit. ]
Yeah.
[ he clears his throat, gaze falling to evan's chest, to his hand as it's cleaned and wrapped. anywhere else. ]
[ evan doesn't even notice david's abrupt discomfort. the way he focuses on anything else, the way his words are even more clipped than they were before. it's been so long since he killed for the first time and felt that empty pit in his gut, that moment of standing on the edge and wondering what happens next, that he's long since forgotten how it must be for other people.
and even if he did notice, he'd think: he killed me before, this can't be anywhere near as big a deal. ]
Not everyone deserves that. [ he wraps the bandage firmly around david's knuckles, then lets his hand go and looks at the stomach wound. he pushes away to get more bandages. ] Around here, nobody learns unless you make 'em hurt.
[ especially on his side, he means. evan pulls out a dusty roll of old bandages still brownish from old bloodstains. not ideal, but they'll do. ]
[ it's not as big a deal, for multiple reasons, but it is different. he hadn't really wanted to kill evan, just recognised it as a necessity, it's the main reason he's been hesitant to come to blows with evan over anything. but he wanted ghost face dead. wanted to hurt him more than he did honestly. ]
[ david tilts his head, considering that. ]
Don't get the feeling he's the type to learn from pain.
[ sometimes. that's the key word. rarely, but sometimes, even that miserable little fuck can learn.
the gut wound isn't that bad, at least. the blade is always so damn sharp. easy in, but easy fix. no ragged edges to patch. evan gets the wound cleaned up as best he can and wraps the probably slightly unsanitary bandages around david, keeping the blood in, for the most part. ]
[ he doesn't really want to think about it too much honestly. just focuses on keeping his arms out of the way while evan wraps the bandage around him. the next time he sees ghost face in a trial is going to be a rough one, no way is he not gonna take the opportunity to fuck with david where he can't fight back fully. ]
[ there are other things to think about anyway. david reaches out with a hand to tuck his fingers in the side of evan's waders when it seems like he's almost done with the bandage and tries to tug him a little closer. they could probably both use the distraction, right? it's not just david. ]
[ evan might not be aware of the chaos in david's brain, but as he finishes wrapping the bandages and david suddenly tries to pull him closer, he is aware of the fact that there's something amiss. he wasn't there after david killed him (obviously) but he remembers how david reacted in the aftermath. how cagey he was about it.
this is ghost face, so it should be satisfying. but he did have to almost drag him back. and david's injured, even if it's not that serious. and he's got just enough self-awareness to remember just how pissed off david was the last time he left this place.
he lets david pull him closer, but doesn't reach out to respond. ]
[ self-awareness is unfortunately something david is lacking right now, or he'd see this weird combination of being keyed up after a fight and desperately wanting to think about literally anything else and back off instead. or not come on to evan in the first place. ]
[ right now, in this moment? yeah, he's still pissed at evan, would probably just thank him and be on his way if he was firing on all cylinders, but he's not. he's far more focused on the warmth that radiates off evan's skin when he's this close, on tilting his head up so he can drag his teeth up the column of his neck. ]
[ it just seems like a better use of his time to him. ]
[ it's tempting. the way david, buzzed by the blood loss, gets in close, gets his teeth against his neck. it'd be easy to get the rest of his clothes off, get him over the workbench, find a way to make this even more satisfying than just turning ghost face into a smear in the grass again.
but.
even as his hands automatically find their way onto david, evan reconsiders. if it wasn't for the fury and the adrenaline and the blood loss, would he be doing this? or would he be pushing away with a grumbled comment about not needing help? in the past evan wouldn't even have hesitated. now, though -
it's not a good sign, this thinking and considering. unfortunately, the habit's getting in a little deep. ]
Not while you're this bad off.
[ he's turned him down for similar reasons before, although this isn't as bad, physically. in his head is where the problem lies. ]
[ david pulls back after a second, a confused frown on his face as he looks up at evan. last time evan turned him down like this it was, in hindsight, understandable. he had a pretty serious wound, probably wouldn't have even survived it. this time though? ]
[ he takes his hands off evan, a little annoyed, but at the insinuation that this is enough to put him out of commission rather than evan's refusal. ]
What? I'm fine.
[ there is a certain irony to both times being after evan bandaged up a gut wound from ghost face though. ghost face might actually be ruining his sex life. ]
[ stopping isn't evan's best skill, but it's a hell of a lot easier to do when things haven't really started. ]
You weren't ten minutes ago.
[ and he won't be in an hour, once he gets a grip on himself and realizes what he's done. not just the killing, but everything else, and how evan just let him without arguing, because that's what he wants to do.
it's not often that evan thinks ahead about things outside a hunt or a trial, but he remembers how short david was with him the last few times. how damn serious he was about something evan didn't even consider was such a big deal. better not to take advantage of a bad moment, he thinks, which is probably the first time he's ever done that. ]
[ it's difficult to catch evan's meaning — at first david assumes he means because of his injuries, but even before they were cleaned and bandaged it's not like any of it was worth being seriously concerned about. ]
[ then he remembers the daze he was in as they came down here, how vacant he was until he latched onto something else to think about. is that why evan's saying he was "bad off"? maybe he's fully aware david's just looking to fuck as a distraction from how difficult it is to process what he's done and what that means. ]
[ really, it probably shouldn't piss him off, but it does. ]
So lemme get this straight. Normally you just go ahead and do whatever you want and assume I'll get into it, but when I'm asking you, suddenly you give a shit about what's going on in my head?
[ unreasonable? yeah, probably, but david doesn't need evan acting like he's doing him a favour by not fucking him. it is beyond confusing to him, these moments where evan decides to act like he cares some small amount, with a more calculating person david would think it was some kind of game, but he doesn't think the guy has it in him. not the patience to mess somebody around like that at the very least. ]
[ this he was half expecting, in all honesty. david's irritation is clear, and evan has a feeling he knows why. he'd be furious in the same situation, but he's furious all the time anyway, and it doesn't matter, really. he's never asked david for this outright. and it wouldn't surprise him all that much if he was turned down.
he doesn't move away. at least, not yet. ]
You want that? Me fuckin' you while you're at your worst? After you got so pissed off last time?
[ it's not that he doesn't grasp that david might need a distraction - that's more than half the reason anybody comes down here these days. it's that for once he's thinking a little past that. to what'll happen after. why?
[ david opens his mouth to argue back, but stops for a second when something finally clicks. evan really doesn't understand what the problem is, doesn't get why david's been so pissed or why he gets so pissed whenever evan tries to restrain him or tries to get him to beg or whatever other shit. ]
[ of course, david could concede that he's not exactly helping by never telling evan outright to stop, but he always thought the problem was obvious. apparently not. ]
Because that wasn't what I wanted.
[ david gestures in the direction of the bedroom, a frown on his face as he tries to gather his thoughts enough to explain himself or make some kind of point. considering thinking deeply about his own mental state is about the last thing david wants to do right now it's not easy, but he's trying. ]
It's like you don't understand I'm not after some big, strapping man-- [ distinctly mocking tone as he gestures to evan, though hopefully he gets that it's at the concept and not him. ] to hold me down and fuckin' show me what for, and I don't need to act like this is something it ain't just to feel okay with it.
[ he especially emphasises that second point, because occasionally david gets the feeling he's... unique. among the other survivors evan fucks. that they all seem to need him to shove them around, take control, let them feel like they had no choice but to fuck the big monster. ]
[ david doesn't need that, and there's a million ways he could try and pick the psychology of that apart — because he's never really thought of himself as morally superior. because he's lied to just about every partner he's ever had, even here, so being honest in secret is ironically kind of fitting. because sometimes he feels like the entity must've got it wrong and he should be on their side of things. — but he's not going to do that kind of introspection now or anytime soon. ]
[ evan watches david through the anger, through the diatribe that isn't that violent but is absolutely accusing. david lays out the problem plainly enough that even evan can grasp it.
david hits the nail on the head. he doesn't understand that, because as far as he can tell, david would be the first one to be down here for a reason that isn't fairly close to what he stated. nobody's ever admitted to it, obviously. nobody's going to. he doesn't expect it. he doesn't think he's being used, because he benefits from it as much as they do. maybe more.
he also doesn't understand why david didn't just tell him to stop, before. a part of him recognizes that he was literally reading the problem as it happened, nearly stopped of his own volition recognizing the signs he knows very well by now, but it's a small part. just enough to stop him from asking outright about it, but not enough to sink in.
there's more important things to ask about. for him, at least. ]
Then what is it to you?
[ it's not accusatory. part of him wants to know. maybe it's just a break. relief from the nightmares. that isn't new, but it doesn't feel the same. it can't possibly be that david actually wants to spend time with him, given the way they beat the shit out of each other on a regular basis. his ego's a monstrous thing but it's not that out of touch with everything. ]
[ which is the truth. david shrugs both shoulders, sighs through his nose. he's better at understanding his own thoughts and feelings than evan (not that that's a high bar) but this is still very much something david is figuring out bit by bit. feeling things out, figuring out what works for him and what doesn't — he's already been surprised there a couple of times, on both sides of it. ]
[ yeah, it's a distraction that evan is uniquely able to provide, but that doesn't account for the times david's come down here and they haven't fucked, when he's come here without expecting to at all. ]
[ are they friends or some shit now?
no, that's way too far. ]
I mean obviously the sex is good in spite of all that, else I wouldn't have that dead cunt askin' if I was faking, would I?
[ it's halfway a joke, enough that he lets out a little amused breath. ]
Don't actually hate bein' around you that much neither, so I guess that helps.
[ they've had enough neutral or broadly positive interactions at this point that it feels safe to admit evan's company isn't the worst. it's not the best either, but david's happier just to spend time down here in almost companionable silence than he really should be. that says something, surely. ]
[ i don't know isn't the answer he wants, but david follows it up this time, at least. evan stares at him through the mask with more than an edge of confusion at the idea's he's suggesting. coming back because of the sex - sure, he gets that, but he's still a little unsure as to why david would decide it's a good idea now, after he was so pissed off last time.
the other idea follows right on the heels of that. evan has to guess that the rage over being tied up dissolved in the wake of another kill. it's all he can get his head around. ]
That's a first.
[ or at least it's a first for anybody to admit it. ]
Killin' makes you honest?
[ because he can't imagine any other reason david would abruptly admit all this unless he was shaken so badly he can't focus on finding ways to hide it, given that he's never broached any of this before, or even turned evan down. ]
[ does he trust evan to give two shits about what he wants and not try to pull some weird, aggressive dom shit? not really. after all david's pretty sure he said it wouldn't happen again before, and look how long that lasted. but it's hard to be actively pissed off with someone who just helped you kill someone, made sure you got back in one piece, and then cleaned and dressed your wounds. ]
[ but to acknowledge that in so much detail would require acknowledging how strange ths is — evan's helped him out before, but this feels more significant — and david's not going to do that. ]
Might come as a shock, but I've been being honest with you this whole time.
[ not necessarily forthcoming, but he can't think of a single time since this whole thing started that he's lied to evan. crazily enough, he's never seen the point. probably because he knows evan's not exactly about to run off and tell anybody. ]
[ that is, there's things david hasn't been honest about just by not saying anything. which is about how evan goes through his entire life, so he shouldn't really throw stones, but that's not about to stop him. ]
Tell me how it felt. Killing him.
[ last time david might have been honest, but he didn't like what he heard. maybe this is different. maybe ghost face brings out the worst in him, like the rat bastard does to everyone. maybe it's better. not that he'll appreciate being more of a problem to kill than ghost face, at least from some perspectives. ]
And I'll give you what you want. That or let you walk out. Up to you.
[ because a part of him figures that at this point, david's probably frustrated enough to want to leave him to his own devices. but who can say? ]
[ something about the phrasing gets his hackles up immediately. not enough that david pushes past him to leave, not just yet, but he does look down to fix his shirt, suddenly remembering it's still bunched up at his chest so evan could bandage him up. ]
[ at the time, nothing ghost face said particularly bothered him, but the combination now just. it doesn't really feel great, makes something twist in david's gut and his lip curl in distaste. it's just a really unfortunate combination of things for two assholes to have said to him in close succession. they fuse together in his head, make him angrier than he probably should be. ]
Know I'm just this fucking whore, but I'm not about to barter for your cock.
[ he doesn't want to talk about it anyway, but having it tied to sex like this, after all that is just-- it doesn't sit right. ]
![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png)
hardlydead) wrote2021-11-01 05:44 am
no subject
More time. [ difficult, but not impossible. david says it with the tone of someone who just remembered something, thinking out loud more than anything. ] S'what I meant to say. More time than him.
[ not that david really expects evan to remember a stupid exchange david and ghost face were having, nor does he expect him to care. it's just weirdly annoying now that he thinks about it, and it's an easy thing to focus on instead of the uncomfortable,
conflicting feelings. or other things he's still too shell-shocked to take notice of just yet. ]
no subject
he wonders if he should do something about ghost face, for a few seconds. if maybe there's some worth in putting the fear of him into the sneaky bastard. but it probably won't work. besides, he knows what that last insult was - the desperate rage of someone about to die. even ghost face will be irritated with it later, he's pretty certain.
and he wonders, briefly, about the way david responded before the violence. focused on the wrong things. accusing him of jealousy. probably for the best than silence, than just rage. god knows evan would have just broken him in half, and given him exactly what he wanted by doing so.
back down into the mine, avoiding traps and making sure david does the same because he knows he's not paying attention right now. after that, he probably won't go anywhere while evan gets what he needs. patching him up again. last time it was worse than this, but there was something different in the air. ghost face crawled away, david said last time. this time he didn't have the chance.
evan gets the old, not-exactly-clean bandages and snags the water bucket from the forge with the slightly-cleaner rag on it. blood in that doesn't make a difference to him. he waits until david's settled, either on a workbench or against one, before starting to pull the plastic shards out a piece at a time. ]
no subject
[ he leans against a workbench, becoming more aware of where his body hurts now the adrenaline's fading. he can feel the sting of slashes on his arm, blood cooling on the skin. when he looks down he can see where blood has seeped into his shirt, pulls it up under his chest to have a look, but there's really not much to glean from that. just a bleeding wound. luckily ("luckily") david at least has enough experience being stabbed by now to know it's not deep or serious on account of the fact he can still move without issue. ]
[ almost wishes there was an injury to be really concerned about though, something to focus on other than the fact he's stood here covered in his and another man's blood, wondering what that means. probably nothing, really. but when he glances over in the direction evan went, it does ring with some concern. that evan's probably one of the people he's most similar to here, and, well. look how being a murderer worked out for that miserable bastard. ]
no subject
maybe it's the violence. maybe it's some sort of backwards belated apology for their last encounter, as if he could ever consider the concept of apologizing. maybe it's because he's not interested in seeing someone else wander by and take pre-revenge for ghost face, or to let ghost face come back himself and finish the job. in which case killing david would have been easier.
he doesn't think about it more than that, figuring that either the question will answer itself, or he'll forget about it. the lack of time here means every hour is the same. eventually, it'll be forgotten. has to be.
so for now he focuses on david. once one hand is free from plastic he wipes off the blood, eyes the wounds, wraps them up with a rough but experienced hand. god knows how many times he's fucked up his own fists enough beating someone to death; he could do this blindfolded by now.
as he reaches for the other hand, knowing the gut wound isn't that severe if david's still standing: ]
Made me look bad out there.
[ it's not angry, or a threat. he was expecting to use david as a distraction to run ghost face through; instead, david just about wholly took him down. it's almost impressive. would be, if it wasn't ghost face who died. ]
no subject
[ at his comment, he looks up at evan and frowns. it takes a second for him to get what he's talking about, and then huffs out a small, quiet laugh. ]
Nah. It's Ghost Face.
[ he's a slippery bastard, but not exactly tough. ]
no subject
Means I shoulda got him at the neck first try.
[ of course, he was aware he was being followed the whole time. despite it all, ghost face is good at getting away. getting out of situations he has no right to get out of. not when there's two people coming at him, apparently, but ... still. he should have done more than hit him, disorient him, and almost take off his arm. ]
Means he shoulda died way before all this.
[ the plastic pieces are small enough that he's not sure he can get them all. he's not a doctor; he doesn't have the tools. but he does what he can. ]
Still. Impressive what you did.
[ and then a probably very unwise comment, coming straight from the part of him that did things like that on the regular, way back when, and a callback to a conversation they had once before even he can barely remember now: ]
Different with your hands, ain't it? Feelin' him go.
no subject
[ then he brings up that and david feels his stomach twist in discomfort at having to acknowledge it, eyes widening briefly in a silent panic. it was satisfying and made him hate himself all in one and he tries to reason it out, justify it in knowing ghost face would've killed him and felt no particular way about it. trying to use logic to push past the worry that maybe he's a bit more like these fuckers on the other side of the fence. a bit more like evan then he'd care to admit. ]
Yeah.
[ he clears his throat, gaze falling to evan's chest, to his hand as it's cleaned and wrapped. anywhere else. ]
Probably could've done it faster.
[ never mind that he didn't want to. ]
no subject
and even if he did notice, he'd think: he killed me before, this can't be anywhere near as big a deal. ]
Not everyone deserves that. [ he wraps the bandage firmly around david's knuckles, then lets his hand go and looks at the stomach wound. he pushes away to get more bandages. ] Around here, nobody learns unless you make 'em hurt.
[ especially on his side, he means. evan pulls out a dusty roll of old bandages still brownish from old bloodstains. not ideal, but they'll do. ]
no subject
[ david tilts his head, considering that. ]
Don't get the feeling he's the type to learn from pain.
no subject
[ sometimes. that's the key word. rarely, but sometimes, even that miserable little fuck can learn.
the gut wound isn't that bad, at least. the blade is always so damn sharp. easy in, but easy fix. no ragged edges to patch. evan gets the wound cleaned up as best he can and wraps the probably slightly unsanitary bandages around david, keeping the blood in, for the most part. ]
Might learn somethin' today.
no subject
[ he doesn't really want to think about it too much honestly. just focuses on keeping his arms out of the way while evan wraps the bandage around him. the next time he sees ghost face in a trial is going to be a rough one, no way is he not gonna take the opportunity to fuck with david where he can't fight back fully. ]
[ there are other things to think about anyway. david reaches out with a hand to tuck his fingers in the side of evan's waders when it seems like he's almost done with the bandage and tries to tug him a little closer. they could probably both use the distraction, right? it's not just david. ]
no subject
this is ghost face, so it should be satisfying. but he did have to almost drag him back. and david's injured, even if it's not that serious. and he's got just enough self-awareness to remember just how pissed off david was the last time he left this place.
he lets david pull him closer, but doesn't reach out to respond. ]
Thought you were still pissed.
no subject
[ self-awareness is unfortunately something david is lacking right now, or he'd see this weird combination of being keyed up after a fight and desperately wanting to think about literally anything else and back off instead. or not come on to evan in the first place. ]
[ right now, in this moment? yeah, he's still pissed at evan, would probably just thank him and be on his way if he was firing on all cylinders, but he's not. he's far more focused on the warmth that radiates off evan's skin when he's this close, on tilting his head up so he can drag his teeth up the column of his neck. ]
[ it just seems like a better use of his time to him. ]
no subject
but.
even as his hands automatically find their way onto david, evan reconsiders. if it wasn't for the fury and the adrenaline and the blood loss, would he be doing this? or would he be pushing away with a grumbled comment about not needing help? in the past evan wouldn't even have hesitated. now, though -
it's not a good sign, this thinking and considering. unfortunately, the habit's getting in a little deep. ]
Not while you're this bad off.
[ he's turned him down for similar reasons before, although this isn't as bad, physically. in his head is where the problem lies. ]
no subject
[ he takes his hands off evan, a little annoyed, but at the insinuation that this is enough to put him out of commission rather than evan's refusal. ]
What? I'm fine.
[ there is a certain irony to both times being after evan bandaged up a gut wound from ghost face though. ghost face might actually be ruining his sex life. ]
no subject
You weren't ten minutes ago.
[ and he won't be in an hour, once he gets a grip on himself and realizes what he's done. not just the killing, but everything else, and how evan just let him without arguing, because that's what he wants to do.
it's not often that evan thinks ahead about things outside a hunt or a trial, but he remembers how short david was with him the last few times. how damn serious he was about something evan didn't even consider was such a big deal. better not to take advantage of a bad moment, he thinks, which is probably the first time he's ever done that. ]
no subject
[ then he remembers the daze he was in as they came down here, how vacant he was until he latched onto something else to think about. is that why evan's saying he was "bad off"? maybe he's fully aware david's just looking to fuck as a distraction from how difficult it is to process what he's done and what that means. ]
[ really, it probably shouldn't piss him off, but it does. ]
So lemme get this straight. Normally you just go ahead and do whatever you want and assume I'll get into it, but when I'm asking you, suddenly you give a shit about what's going on in my head?
[ unreasonable? yeah, probably, but david doesn't need evan acting like he's doing him a favour by not fucking him. it is beyond confusing to him, these moments where evan decides to act like he cares some small amount, with a more calculating person david would think it was some kind of game, but he doesn't think the guy has it in him. not the patience to mess somebody around like that at the very least. ]
no subject
he doesn't move away. at least, not yet. ]
You want that? Me fuckin' you while you're at your worst? After you got so pissed off last time?
[ it's not that he doesn't grasp that david might need a distraction - that's more than half the reason anybody comes down here these days. it's that for once he's thinking a little past that. to what'll happen after. why?
good question. ]
no subject
[ of course, david could concede that he's not exactly helping by never telling evan outright to stop, but he always thought the problem was obvious. apparently not. ]
Because that wasn't what I wanted.
[ david gestures in the direction of the bedroom, a frown on his face as he tries to gather his thoughts enough to explain himself or make some kind of point. considering thinking deeply about his own mental state is about the last thing david wants to do right now it's not easy, but he's trying. ]
It's like you don't understand I'm not after some big, strapping man-- [ distinctly mocking tone as he gestures to evan, though hopefully he gets that it's at the concept and not him. ] to hold me down and fuckin' show me what for, and I don't need to act like this is something it ain't just to feel okay with it.
[ he especially emphasises that second point, because occasionally david gets the feeling he's... unique. among the other survivors evan fucks. that they all seem to need him to shove them around, take control, let them feel like they had no choice but to fuck the big monster. ]
[ david doesn't need that, and there's a million ways he could try and pick the psychology of that apart — because he's never really thought of himself as morally superior. because he's lied to just about every partner he's ever had, even here, so being honest in secret is ironically kind of fitting. because sometimes he feels like the entity must've got it wrong and he should be on their side of things. — but he's not going to do that kind of introspection now or anytime soon. ]
no subject
david hits the nail on the head. he doesn't understand that, because as far as he can tell, david would be the first one to be down here for a reason that isn't fairly close to what he stated. nobody's ever admitted to it, obviously. nobody's going to. he doesn't expect it. he doesn't think he's being used, because he benefits from it as much as they do. maybe more.
he also doesn't understand why david didn't just tell him to stop, before. a part of him recognizes that he was literally reading the problem as it happened, nearly stopped of his own volition recognizing the signs he knows very well by now, but it's a small part. just enough to stop him from asking outright about it, but not enough to sink in.
there's more important things to ask about. for him, at least. ]
Then what is it to you?
[ it's not accusatory. part of him wants to know. maybe it's just a break. relief from the nightmares. that isn't new, but it doesn't feel the same. it can't possibly be that david actually wants to spend time with him, given the way they beat the shit out of each other on a regular basis. his ego's a monstrous thing but it's not that out of touch with everything. ]
no subject
[ which is the truth. david shrugs both shoulders, sighs through his nose. he's better at understanding his own thoughts and feelings than evan (not that that's a high bar) but this is still very much something david is figuring out bit by bit. feeling things out, figuring out what works for him and what doesn't — he's already been surprised there a couple of times, on both sides of it. ]
[ yeah, it's a distraction that evan is uniquely able to provide, but that doesn't account for the times david's come down here and they haven't fucked, when he's come here without expecting to at all. ]
[ are they friends or some shit now?
no, that's way too far. ]
I mean obviously the sex is good in spite of all that, else I wouldn't have that dead cunt askin' if I was faking, would I?
[ it's halfway a joke, enough that he lets out a little amused breath. ]
Don't actually hate bein' around you that much neither, so I guess that helps.
[ they've had enough neutral or broadly positive interactions at this point that it feels safe to admit evan's company isn't the worst. it's not the best either, but david's happier just to spend time down here in almost companionable silence than he really should be. that says something, surely. ]
no subject
the other idea follows right on the heels of that. evan has to guess that the rage over being tied up dissolved in the wake of another kill. it's all he can get his head around. ]
That's a first.
[ or at least it's a first for anybody to admit it. ]
Killin' makes you honest?
[ because he can't imagine any other reason david would abruptly admit all this unless he was shaken so badly he can't focus on finding ways to hide it, given that he's never broached any of this before, or even turned evan down. ]
no subject
[ but to acknowledge that in so much detail would require acknowledging how strange ths is — evan's helped him out before, but this feels more significant — and david's not going to do that. ]
Might come as a shock, but I've been being honest with you this whole time.
[ not necessarily forthcoming, but he can't think of a single time since this whole thing started that he's lied to evan. crazily enough, he's never seen the point. probably because he knows evan's not exactly about to run off and tell anybody. ]
no subject
[ that is, there's things david hasn't been honest about just by not saying anything. which is about how evan goes through his entire life, so he shouldn't really throw stones, but that's not about to stop him. ]
Tell me how it felt. Killing him.
[ last time david might have been honest, but he didn't like what he heard. maybe this is different. maybe ghost face brings out the worst in him, like the rat bastard does to everyone. maybe it's better. not that he'll appreciate being more of a problem to kill than ghost face, at least from some perspectives. ]
And I'll give you what you want. That or let you walk out. Up to you.
[ because a part of him figures that at this point, david's probably frustrated enough to want to leave him to his own devices. but who can say? ]
no subject
[ something about the phrasing gets his hackles up immediately. not enough that david pushes past him to leave, not just yet, but he does look down to fix his shirt, suddenly remembering it's still bunched up at his chest so evan could bandage him up. ]
[ at the time, nothing ghost face said particularly bothered him, but the combination now just. it doesn't really feel great, makes something twist in david's gut and his lip curl in distaste. it's just a really unfortunate combination of things for two assholes to have said to him in close succession. they fuse together in his head, make him angrier than he probably should be. ]
Know I'm just this fucking whore, but I'm not about to barter for your cock.
[ he doesn't want to talk about it anyway, but having it tied to sex like this, after all that is just-- it doesn't sit right. ]
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)