i'm gay and stronger than all of you (![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png)
hardlydead) wrote2021-11-01 05:44 am
hardlydead) wrote2021-11-01 05:44 am
[ jeff doesn't try to fool himself into believing he can get the gate open and dodge the oni's fury - it's one or the other, and while dodging might buy him some more time, it also leaves a window of opportunity for the oni to find someone else. for someone to get trapped, expecting the gate to be open only to have to waste time doing it themselves and risking getting caught. it's a no brainer for jeff - he's here to look after everyone else in whatever way he can.
but he still gives it a solid attempt. the second the doors begin to slide open, jeff gives it his best shot to get out of the way of the oni's kanabo, but he's just not quick enough, and when he hits the ground, his vision swims and his ears ring and the shout that leaves him feels like it's knocked out of him involuntarily, coasting on whatever air's left in his lungs.
opposite of david, things seem to move a little to quickly fort jeff after that. he feels the vibration of footsteps sprinting past him through the gates more than he sees the people they belong to, and he thinks - good. so long as everyone else makes it out, he's done his job, followed the plan as closely as he could.
and then meg screams, and that's - that's not right. why is she still here? jeff struggles a little, tries to push himself up onto his hands even though his head is spinning and he's pretty sure he can feel blood starting to pool in his mouth, and it's a fight to lift his head up. when he does though, he sees the blurry figure of meg just barely crawling out to safety, and two more slinking near the edges of the exit.
go, jeff thinks. opens his mouth to try and say it out loud, but all he can manage to do is cough. get the fuck out.
it's quick after that. a sword through the chest, fingers in his mouth. he feels like he chokes on his own blood, and by the time the oni raises his kanabo, jeff's already close enough to blacking out that he can barely manage to put up any kind of fight.
it takes about a day for the entity to spit him back out into the woods. alive, but maybe not well. coming back from death is never easy, but some times are rougher than others and when jeff comes to, slumped against the base of a tree, he doesn't move for a while. doesn't feel like he can, honestly, his entire body aching, head fucking splitting. it feels like if he tries to move too much too quickly, he might be sick, so he doesn't really try. he drags his knees up a little so he can limply rest his arms on top of them, and lets his head hang forward, his hair falling in his face.
he'll get up eventually. head back to camp and try his best to carry on like he doesn't feel like freshly cooked roadkill, like this shit is just. normal. like he didn't get his face beaten in in front of meg and vittorio and- ]
Fuck. [ he opens his eyes, stares down at his lap. his voice is barely more than a rough rasp. jeff swallows and inhales around the static crackle of anxiety that flares up in his chest. ] David.
[ fuck fuck fuck. did david make it out? jeff's pretty sure he'd be stubborn enough to try and fight the fucking oni with his bare hands if given the chance, so jeff can only hope that vittorio had the sense (and the strength) to push him out before he could do anything stupid. ]
but he still gives it a solid attempt. the second the doors begin to slide open, jeff gives it his best shot to get out of the way of the oni's kanabo, but he's just not quick enough, and when he hits the ground, his vision swims and his ears ring and the shout that leaves him feels like it's knocked out of him involuntarily, coasting on whatever air's left in his lungs.
opposite of david, things seem to move a little to quickly fort jeff after that. he feels the vibration of footsteps sprinting past him through the gates more than he sees the people they belong to, and he thinks - good. so long as everyone else makes it out, he's done his job, followed the plan as closely as he could.
and then meg screams, and that's - that's not right. why is she still here? jeff struggles a little, tries to push himself up onto his hands even though his head is spinning and he's pretty sure he can feel blood starting to pool in his mouth, and it's a fight to lift his head up. when he does though, he sees the blurry figure of meg just barely crawling out to safety, and two more slinking near the edges of the exit.
go, jeff thinks. opens his mouth to try and say it out loud, but all he can manage to do is cough. get the fuck out.
it's quick after that. a sword through the chest, fingers in his mouth. he feels like he chokes on his own blood, and by the time the oni raises his kanabo, jeff's already close enough to blacking out that he can barely manage to put up any kind of fight.
it takes about a day for the entity to spit him back out into the woods. alive, but maybe not well. coming back from death is never easy, but some times are rougher than others and when jeff comes to, slumped against the base of a tree, he doesn't move for a while. doesn't feel like he can, honestly, his entire body aching, head fucking splitting. it feels like if he tries to move too much too quickly, he might be sick, so he doesn't really try. he drags his knees up a little so he can limply rest his arms on top of them, and lets his head hang forward, his hair falling in his face.
he'll get up eventually. head back to camp and try his best to carry on like he doesn't feel like freshly cooked roadkill, like this shit is just. normal. like he didn't get his face beaten in in front of meg and vittorio and- ]
Fuck. [ he opens his eyes, stares down at his lap. his voice is barely more than a rough rasp. jeff swallows and inhales around the static crackle of anxiety that flares up in his chest. ] David.
[ fuck fuck fuck. did david make it out? jeff's pretty sure he'd be stubborn enough to try and fight the fucking oni with his bare hands if given the chance, so jeff can only hope that vittorio had the sense (and the strength) to push him out before he could do anything stupid. ]
[ david's in his usual spot, stewing over the whole thing. trying not to think too hard on how different it feels now. sure, he'd noticed, impossible not to notice the way it felt like his heart leaping into a throat when he heard jeff get injured. how he has to fight his instinct to basically shadow the man through trials like they haven't been through countless already now. that fear of losing someone, that if they die they might not come back is so much more acute now, and david doesn't know what to do with it. ]
[ especially after seeing oni obliterate him like that, right in the exit. like something so goddamn easy. after david's the one who suggested jeff stick by the gate instead of him. ]
[ it's been a rough 24 hours for david, is the short version, but meg will be the first to reach out to jeff when he gets back and ask if he got brought back okay. reassure him they all made it out thanks to him (and probably babble a little about wanting to save him but it not working out,) and let him know they haven't really seen david since they all got back. "you know how he gets after trials sometimes." ]
[ especially after seeing oni obliterate him like that, right in the exit. like something so goddamn easy. after david's the one who suggested jeff stick by the gate instead of him. ]
[ it's been a rough 24 hours for david, is the short version, but meg will be the first to reach out to jeff when he gets back and ask if he got brought back okay. reassure him they all made it out thanks to him (and probably babble a little about wanting to save him but it not working out,) and let him know they haven't really seen david since they all got back. "you know how he gets after trials sometimes." ]
[ meg's a good kid. sometimes a little reckless, but she's harmless and some of the shit she gets up to is admittedly kind of funny. jeff likes her, and though he doesn't really feel up for making small talk or carrying on a conversation by the time he shuffles back to camp, he also doesn't have the heart to brush her off the way he'd like to, if only so he doesn't have to spend the energy he doesn't really have trying to keep up.
he's glad she got out, if only narrowly. jeff's glad to hear vittorio made it through, too, but what he's most interested in is david's fate, and it's a relief to hear that someone had the sense to push him through and out before he could do something stupid. and jeff knows he would have, if it weren't for vittorio. he'll have to find him later and thank him, when he's not so focused on finding someone else.
it doesn't surprise jeff to hear that david's been missing from camp for a while. a day, at least, if meg wasn't exaggerating, but something still twists in his stomach when he learns of it. concern, maybe. worry. guilt. jeff parts ways with meg as casually as he can, still feeling like a walking train wreck, but his discomfort has dropped on his list of priorities.
if jeff knows david at all, and he'd like to think he does, after all this time, then finding him won't be hard. ]
he's glad she got out, if only narrowly. jeff's glad to hear vittorio made it through, too, but what he's most interested in is david's fate, and it's a relief to hear that someone had the sense to push him through and out before he could do something stupid. and jeff knows he would have, if it weren't for vittorio. he'll have to find him later and thank him, when he's not so focused on finding someone else.
it doesn't surprise jeff to hear that david's been missing from camp for a while. a day, at least, if meg wasn't exaggerating, but something still twists in his stomach when he learns of it. concern, maybe. worry. guilt. jeff parts ways with meg as casually as he can, still feeling like a walking train wreck, but his discomfort has dropped on his list of priorities.
if jeff knows david at all, and he'd like to think he does, after all this time, then finding him won't be hard. ]
[ some people make fun of david for being broody, and he certainly was when he arrived, but that hasn't been him for a long time now. mostly it's that he feels like he's become so fucking hypervigilant in this place that he needs to decompress a lot, because getting back to baseline isn't even calm for him anymore. just back to a level of stress that he can filter out into background noise. the only time he can remember feeling calm or relaxed in fucking forever is - waking up in that shitty bed in that broken down house in haddonfield with jeff still asleep on his shoulder. ]
[ he is, however, definitely brooding at the moment. and when he hears footsteps coming close, he instinctively opens his mouth to tell whoever it is he just wants to be on his own for a bit, but that dies on his lips when he looks up and sees jeff. not looking great — but who ever does when they come back after a death — but whole. uninjured. alive. ]
[ david feels like he can't get up fast enough, and before he's even fully aware of it, david's moving towards him. the second he's close enough, david's hands are outstretched, one arm to wrap around him and the other to the back of his head to pull him close and hold him tightly. a hushed murmur of an apology slipping out as he tries to fully absorb jeff's presence. ]
[ he is, however, definitely brooding at the moment. and when he hears footsteps coming close, he instinctively opens his mouth to tell whoever it is he just wants to be on his own for a bit, but that dies on his lips when he looks up and sees jeff. not looking great — but who ever does when they come back after a death — but whole. uninjured. alive. ]
[ david feels like he can't get up fast enough, and before he's even fully aware of it, david's moving towards him. the second he's close enough, david's hands are outstretched, one arm to wrap around him and the other to the back of his head to pull him close and hold him tightly. a hushed murmur of an apology slipping out as he tries to fully absorb jeff's presence. ]
[ jeff's not really sure what to expect when he finds david. when he watches him scramble to get up and rush towards him. anger, maybe, because even jeff knows the decision he made was a reckless one, though it would be a little hypocritical of david to tear him a new one for pulling the same kind of risky shit david seems to pull nearly all the time. if jeff expects anything, it's to be chewed out, even though he's pretty sure he wouldn't have been able to outrun the oni even if he'd tried.
so when david puts his hands on him, urgent but gentle, and pulls him close, it takes jeff a second to respond. takes a second for his tired, muddled brain to process that he's being held and that for the most part, david's okay. just like meg had told him. jeff closes his eyes and breathes a heavy sigh of relief, leaning a little more of his weight against david than he intends to. he winds his arms around him, rests his nose and his mouth and his chin against david's shoulder.
the murmured apology doesn't go unnoticed, but it's slow to register, and when it does, jeff turns his face into the side of david's neck and wraps his arms a little tighter around him. david's sorry? what the hell for? jeff could probably guess, and it doesn't sit right with him. ]
Mm-mm. [ if david think's he's to blame for anything, he's wrong. david did exactly what he was supposed to do. he did everything right. sometimes things just don't work out the way you planned for them to, and that's it.
but jeff doesn't really have the energy to argue, so he hopes that's enough to get the message across: no apologizing. jeff's not sorry for the choices he made - it was worth it, to get three people out safely - so david doesn't get to be sorry either. ] We got 'em out.
[ jeff opened the gate, and david made sure meg and vittorio made it back. they did what they set out to do. ]
so when david puts his hands on him, urgent but gentle, and pulls him close, it takes jeff a second to respond. takes a second for his tired, muddled brain to process that he's being held and that for the most part, david's okay. just like meg had told him. jeff closes his eyes and breathes a heavy sigh of relief, leaning a little more of his weight against david than he intends to. he winds his arms around him, rests his nose and his mouth and his chin against david's shoulder.
the murmured apology doesn't go unnoticed, but it's slow to register, and when it does, jeff turns his face into the side of david's neck and wraps his arms a little tighter around him. david's sorry? what the hell for? jeff could probably guess, and it doesn't sit right with him. ]
Mm-mm. [ if david think's he's to blame for anything, he's wrong. david did exactly what he was supposed to do. he did everything right. sometimes things just don't work out the way you planned for them to, and that's it.
but jeff doesn't really have the energy to argue, so he hopes that's enough to get the message across: no apologizing. jeff's not sorry for the choices he made - it was worth it, to get three people out safely - so david doesn't get to be sorry either. ] We got 'em out.
[ jeff opened the gate, and david made sure meg and vittorio made it back. they did what they set out to do. ]
[ david opens his mouth to argue, but he relents. that guilt isn't going anywhere, that feeling that he condemned jeff by swapping places. part of him wants to point out jeff would feel the same if it was the other way around but something about that just feels as though it'd be mean given the state jeff's in, so david doesn't say a thing. he wraps his arm tightly around jeff to keep him close and combs his fingers though his hair with a soft sigh. ]
Yeah-- we did. [ feelings aside, it's a good result — more than, in fact. getting more than one or two people out isn't exactly a common occurrence, especially against the oni, but-- ]
[ he thinks about standing there, helpless, watching as jeff's tongue was ripped out. remembers the slick, wet crunch of his body being crushed under that kanabo, and his fingers twitch where they're splayed out on jeff's back. ]
[ david turns his head, presses his lips and nose to the top of jeff's with another quiet sigh. just focusing on this, on how relieved he is to have jeff back instead of the disappointed voice in the back of his head saying it should've been him. ]
Yeah-- we did. [ feelings aside, it's a good result — more than, in fact. getting more than one or two people out isn't exactly a common occurrence, especially against the oni, but-- ]
[ he thinks about standing there, helpless, watching as jeff's tongue was ripped out. remembers the slick, wet crunch of his body being crushed under that kanabo, and his fingers twitch where they're splayed out on jeff's back. ]
[ david turns his head, presses his lips and nose to the top of jeff's with another quiet sigh. just focusing on this, on how relieved he is to have jeff back instead of the disappointed voice in the back of his head saying it should've been him. ]
[ some of the tension jeff's been carrying since he jerked awake in the woods some hours ago eases with the slide of david's fingers in his hair. it doesn't get rid of the full-body ache, but he feels less like a rubber band pulled to its limit. some of the anxiety balled up in his chest melts away with it too, and jeff breathes another heavy sigh of relief into david's shoulder.
it isn't the first time jeff's died - every single person here has been sacrificed probably more times than anyone would like to count - and it's certainly not the first time he's been confronted with the oni's wrath, but. it is the first time he's come back and had someone to lean on like this, both physically and otherwise. something about david's presence is just - soothing in a way that's not all that surprising, all things considered, but definitely more comforting than he would have guessed. he feels safe, and letting his guard down feels easy.
jeff slides his hands down david's back, buries them up under his shirt so he can press his palms flat, seeking out the warmth of his skin. reassurance that he's alive and okay even though he knows as much already.
for a while, he says nothing. just stands with david, holds him close and tight and finds comfort in the closeness, and tries not to think about anything else but the warmth and the weight of him and the way his chest pushes against his every time he inhales. it's hard though, to keep his foggy mind from wandering. sure, his memory is hazy, but there are little snippets that slip through - most prominently, vittorio's voice trying to convince david that they needed to keep going, right around the time the oni plunged a sword into jeff's chest.
he knows david stayed. he knows david had to be dragged out, because meg told him as much. which means - ]
Wish you hadn't seen. [ jeff mumbles it quietly against david's shoulder, barely above a whisper. he knows david'll hear him. ] M'sorry.
[ okay. no apologies... except this one. ]
it isn't the first time jeff's died - every single person here has been sacrificed probably more times than anyone would like to count - and it's certainly not the first time he's been confronted with the oni's wrath, but. it is the first time he's come back and had someone to lean on like this, both physically and otherwise. something about david's presence is just - soothing in a way that's not all that surprising, all things considered, but definitely more comforting than he would have guessed. he feels safe, and letting his guard down feels easy.
jeff slides his hands down david's back, buries them up under his shirt so he can press his palms flat, seeking out the warmth of his skin. reassurance that he's alive and okay even though he knows as much already.
for a while, he says nothing. just stands with david, holds him close and tight and finds comfort in the closeness, and tries not to think about anything else but the warmth and the weight of him and the way his chest pushes against his every time he inhales. it's hard though, to keep his foggy mind from wandering. sure, his memory is hazy, but there are little snippets that slip through - most prominently, vittorio's voice trying to convince david that they needed to keep going, right around the time the oni plunged a sword into jeff's chest.
he knows david stayed. he knows david had to be dragged out, because meg told him as much. which means - ]
Wish you hadn't seen. [ jeff mumbles it quietly against david's shoulder, barely above a whisper. he knows david'll hear him. ] M'sorry.
[ okay. no apologies... except this one. ]
Not your fault. [ david sighs into jeff's hair, it's not like he had any control over it. going down at the gate is a more common occurrence than people would like, sure, but getting murdered right there in the exit? in front of everyone? that's the killer's decision. ]
[ he's not used to having jeff lean on him like this, but david's just glad he's here to do it. probably has died more than most people here, but you get so set in the routine of just dealing with it, it's easy to forget that it's not something you ever really get used to. not in a way that particularly helps. just... get practiced at swallowing it all and getting on with the next day's shitshow. ]
[ david strokes his fingers up and down jeff's back, quiet and happy to stay here for a while. ]
[ he's not used to having jeff lean on him like this, but david's just glad he's here to do it. probably has died more than most people here, but you get so set in the routine of just dealing with it, it's easy to forget that it's not something you ever really get used to. not in a way that particularly helps. just... get practiced at swallowing it all and getting on with the next day's shitshow. ]
[ david strokes his fingers up and down jeff's back, quiet and happy to stay here for a while. ]
[ like a chimp! laurie can probably hear the way david barks a laugh at that. ]
You telling me you never gotta scratch your nethers?
You telling me you never gotta scratch your nethers?
I know how to savour a drink. Just that most of what you can find round here isn't worth more than getting pissed on.
I mean, you don't have to share. It's yours.
I mean, you don't have to share. It's yours.
Edited 2023-03-17 01:22 (UTC)
nope
god made me perfect
i also got a good look at your tattoo
got any others that i should know about
god made me perfect
i also got a good look at your tattoo
got any others that i should know about
Funny you should mention that.
You still thinking of getting them matching ones with Jeff?
[ and him. jeff told him so david invited himself to tattoo club. ]
You still thinking of getting them matching ones with Jeff?
[ and him. jeff told him so david invited himself to tattoo club. ]
[ david is not a particularly vengeful man, there's really only one person who he could say he wanted revenge on at a push, but even then he didn't really consider it that. ]
[ petty on the other hand? he sure can be. certainly petty enough to do something ridiculous like go to ormond, make a snowball, and carry it all the way back to the campfire. he might not have leon's fancy special forces training or whatever the fuck, but david has impeccable aim and a strong arm. and that's why, as soon as he sees leon, he launches that snowball across the place, directly at leon's face. ]
[ petty on the other hand? he sure can be. certainly petty enough to do something ridiculous like go to ormond, make a snowball, and carry it all the way back to the campfire. he might not have leon's fancy special forces training or whatever the fuck, but david has impeccable aim and a strong arm. and that's why, as soon as he sees leon, he launches that snowball across the place, directly at leon's face. ]
yeah its happening
gonna maim each other and get gangrene and die
gonna maim each other and get gangrene and die
Well try not to get gangrene, because I found him some ink. Think it's the same stuff Vittorio's tats are done with.
Be a shame if you got horribly infected and lost it.
He already tested it out without telling anyone, so we know it stays if you die though.
Be a shame if you got horribly infected and lost it.
He already tested it out without telling anyone, so we know it stays if you die though.
[ holy !!! shit !!! ]
im gonna karate chop him in the head
but also thats fucking rad
I WANNA GO FIRST
im gonna karate chop him in the head
but also thats fucking rad
I WANNA GO FIRST
[ He's not expecting retaliation for his stunt. Leon wouldn't be surprised if he got one and he'd be completely okay with it. David's a good sport. He's a good sport. It's stupid and this place needs to lighten the fuck up.
He's not expecting a snowball. He was in no way ready for that and it's very clear. All his training be damned. He's nailed in the face and doesn't have a second to figure out where it came from because on impact, he dropped the flash he was using to teach the person sitting across the way from him to make. (They fled. A wise choice.)
BOOM!
????????????????
Leon rubs his face. ]
Well that snowballed out of control.
He's not expecting a snowball. He was in no way ready for that and it's very clear. All his training be damned. He's nailed in the face and doesn't have a second to figure out where it came from because on impact, he dropped the flash he was using to teach the person sitting across the way from him to make. (They fled. A wise choice.)
BOOM!
????????????????
Leon rubs his face. ]
Well that snowballed out of control.
[ in his defence, david had no idea leon was handling explosives. not that it would have stopped him, but maybe he would've waited. maybe. ]
[ regardless, he laughs-- more of a cackle, really, when it results in leon dropping it. a grin on his face when the light clears, hand tucked into his armpit to warm it up. though the smile falls a little at leon's little quip and david rolls his eyes. it's good-natured, of course. ]
Lucky it weren't an avalanche.
[ yes, he does look like saying that caused him physical pain. ]
[ regardless, he laughs-- more of a cackle, really, when it results in leon dropping it. a grin on his face when the light clears, hand tucked into his armpit to warm it up. though the smile falls a little at leon's little quip and david rolls his eyes. it's good-natured, of course. ]
Lucky it weren't an avalanche.
[ yes, he does look like saying that caused him physical pain. ]
[ the short, quiet note jeff hums in the back of his throat seems... skeptical, like he doesn't quite agree that it wasn't his fault that he went down where he did, but also maybe can't argue it well enough otherwise. it is his fault that he didn't try to run, that he made no attempt to try and engage the oni in a chase, maybe take him away from the gates so someone else could power it up that last bit without having to witness the brutality of the oni's wrath. then again, if he'd taken the chase elsewhere, the likelihood that david would have come back in after him would be fairly high, jeff would guess, and he doesn't really want to think about what might have happened if everyone hadn't been exactly where they were. vittorio was there to haul david out before he could do anything stupid, and he could only do as much because they were right at the exit.
maybe there was no winning that one.
jeff sighs. flexes his fingers gently against david's back, turns his head a little so he can press his nose against the side of his head for a beat, right above the shell of his ear. it's been who knows how many hours, and he still feels pretty drained. a little nauseated, too, but that's normal and slowly wearing off. he's never really been a man of many words, but he feels like he should say something. ]
Think Meg's a little worried about you.
[ she didn't say that, not in so many words at least, but the fact that she mentioned david to jeff at all probably means something. and, you know, maybe jeff's just checking in, too. if david's been out here for as long as meg implied. ]
maybe there was no winning that one.
jeff sighs. flexes his fingers gently against david's back, turns his head a little so he can press his nose against the side of his head for a beat, right above the shell of his ear. it's been who knows how many hours, and he still feels pretty drained. a little nauseated, too, but that's normal and slowly wearing off. he's never really been a man of many words, but he feels like he should say something. ]
Think Meg's a little worried about you.
[ she didn't say that, not in so many words at least, but the fact that she mentioned david to jeff at all probably means something. and, you know, maybe jeff's just checking in, too. if david's been out here for as long as meg implied. ]
[ david combs his fingers through jeff's hair, smooths some of it back and tucks it behind his ear, gently nudges him with his other arm in a silent gesture to say maybe they should sit down or something. ]
She knows she doesn't need to worry about me.
[ the implied you don't need to worry about me goes without saying, obviously, as david tilts his own head a little toward jeff's with a soft sigh. ]
She knows she doesn't need to worry about me.
[ the implied you don't need to worry about me goes without saying, obviously, as david tilts his own head a little toward jeff's with a soft sigh. ]
[ if jeff had the energy, he'd argue that someone needs to worry about david, considering how often he runs straight into harm's way. sure, it's for the sake of someone else, but that doesn't make finding him somewhere covered in blood, or having to hear him scream from across the realm any easier. david sure isn't going to worry about himself.
but jeff's tired, and it's a pointless argument anyway, if it could even be considered an argument at all. the gentle nudge is enough of a suggestion to jeff him moving, and though he's loath to pull away from david, he does so anyway and moves to sit down with his back against a fallen tree only a handful of steps away, heaving a heavy sigh when he settles. ]
Doesn't stop her though, does it?
[ obviously he's not really talking about meg, but it makes the conversation feel slightly less serious. ]
but jeff's tired, and it's a pointless argument anyway, if it could even be considered an argument at all. the gentle nudge is enough of a suggestion to jeff him moving, and though he's loath to pull away from david, he does so anyway and moves to sit down with his back against a fallen tree only a handful of steps away, heaving a heavy sigh when he settles. ]
Doesn't stop her though, does it?
[ obviously he's not really talking about meg, but it makes the conversation feel slightly less serious. ]
[ david wonders, as he sits next to jeff, if he should push against that so they're talking about jeff instead of "meg". but if it makes talking easier than maybe he should leave it alone. it's hard to know the best choice to make. ]
[ jeff isn't fragile — never has been in the time they've known eachother — but sometimes david has this urge to protect him like he is. not just from killers, but from himself. from david too. there's something precious in jeff's gentleness, in the care and patience he extends to other people and the way those qualities haven't been ground down by his time in the fog, but david's not going to stop throwing himself headlong into danger and they both know that. ]
[ david doesn't want worrying about him to be the thing that finally wears jeff down. ]
Some people are worriers, I guess. Even when it's them we should be worrying about.
[ he reclines against that log, doing his best to make himself an inviting pillow or something. reaches for jeff with a soft c'mon, here once he thinks he's got it. ]
[ jeff isn't fragile — never has been in the time they've known eachother — but sometimes david has this urge to protect him like he is. not just from killers, but from himself. from david too. there's something precious in jeff's gentleness, in the care and patience he extends to other people and the way those qualities haven't been ground down by his time in the fog, but david's not going to stop throwing himself headlong into danger and they both know that. ]
[ david doesn't want worrying about him to be the thing that finally wears jeff down. ]
Some people are worriers, I guess. Even when it's them we should be worrying about.
[ he reclines against that log, doing his best to make himself an inviting pillow or something. reaches for jeff with a soft c'mon, here once he thinks he's got it. ]
Mm.
[ there's not much jeff can think of to say to that, no argument to make because david's not wrong, though his brow does furrow slightly. he wonders, quietly, if david knows meg is somewhat of a cover. does he worry about jeff? is that what he's saying? jeff's too tired to try and read between the lines or peel away the facade.
when david gestures for him to come closer, jeff only hesitates for maybe half a second. he plants his hands in the dirt on either side of himself, lifts and shifts his weight with more effort than usual, until eventually he's - laying down. sprawled out on the forest floor with his hands folded over each other on his stomach, and the back of his head rested on david's thigh, eyes closed. how's that for a pillow? ]
[ there's not much jeff can think of to say to that, no argument to make because david's not wrong, though his brow does furrow slightly. he wonders, quietly, if david knows meg is somewhat of a cover. does he worry about jeff? is that what he's saying? jeff's too tired to try and read between the lines or peel away the facade.
when david gestures for him to come closer, jeff only hesitates for maybe half a second. he plants his hands in the dirt on either side of himself, lifts and shifts his weight with more effort than usual, until eventually he's - laying down. sprawled out on the forest floor with his hands folded over each other on his stomach, and the back of his head rested on david's thigh, eyes closed. how's that for a pillow? ]
[ it's not exactly what he expected jeff to do, and david takes it to mean he still feels like shit. lets him settle and then quietly starts to comb his fingers through jeff's hair, brings his other hand to his chest, touch light as it moves up to his neck where his thumb can brush lightly along his jaw. ]
[ neither of them like to bother people with their feelings, and david respects that, he doesn't pry because he knows he'd get frustrated if the shoe was on the other foot. he'd like it if jeff would though, he thinks. if jeff would tell him when he's frustrated or hurt or whatever, but david would have to do the same in return and that's not easy. for a lot of reasons. ]
[ david sits on that thought for a little, looking down at jeff as he strokes his hair in the quiet. almost a little apologetic when he does speak. ]
It's... It's harder now. When you get hurt. [ he clears his throat ] That's what it is.
[ the urge to drop everything when he knows jeff's in trouble is so strong, so difficult to fight to keep his head on straight. sometimes it's the worst possible thing he could do in the moment, but david thinks he wouldn't care at all if it meant keeping jeff alive and getting him through those doors. but jeff would hate that, if saving him meant putting someone else in danger, and david would hate himself for it too. worse than he does when he feels as though he's failed. ]
[ he doesn't regret this — whatever this is between them — but sometimes david wonders if it wasn't on purpose somehow. some dumb little scheme of the entity's, to reach out a hand with something good, knowing the ways it would inevitably hurt too. but more likely it's just the reality of how things are here. ]
[ neither of them like to bother people with their feelings, and david respects that, he doesn't pry because he knows he'd get frustrated if the shoe was on the other foot. he'd like it if jeff would though, he thinks. if jeff would tell him when he's frustrated or hurt or whatever, but david would have to do the same in return and that's not easy. for a lot of reasons. ]
[ david sits on that thought for a little, looking down at jeff as he strokes his hair in the quiet. almost a little apologetic when he does speak. ]
It's... It's harder now. When you get hurt. [ he clears his throat ] That's what it is.
[ the urge to drop everything when he knows jeff's in trouble is so strong, so difficult to fight to keep his head on straight. sometimes it's the worst possible thing he could do in the moment, but david thinks he wouldn't care at all if it meant keeping jeff alive and getting him through those doors. but jeff would hate that, if saving him meant putting someone else in danger, and david would hate himself for it too. worse than he does when he feels as though he's failed. ]
[ he doesn't regret this — whatever this is between them — but sometimes david wonders if it wasn't on purpose somehow. some dumb little scheme of the entity's, to reach out a hand with something good, knowing the ways it would inevitably hurt too. but more likely it's just the reality of how things are here. ]
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