[ david's not wrong - jeff does still feel like hot wet garbage set on fire. coming back from being sacrificed is never particularly easy, especially when the cause is death is more than a few meat hooks shoved through the chest in just the right place, but something about this last go has left him feeling more wrung out than usual, though not enough for jeff to feel terribly concerned about it. maybe he's just getting too old for this.
the thought is enough to make him laugh a little, though it's hardly more than a tired puff of air through his nose. can't use that as an excuse when time is a questionable concept here.
he's feeling better than he did an hour ago though. functional, present. david is often good at grounding him, aware of it or not. jeff relaxes into the subtle touches, the hand in his hair, the thumb following the line of his jaw. if it weren't for the violent trauma leading up to this moment, he thinks he could get used to this, just existing in the quiet with someone he cares about. jeff watches david quietly, can tell there's something on his mind, but like more often than not, he doesn't pry. he's learned that waiting typically yields the same results. and he's not wrong this time, either.
david's admission isn't... surprising, if only because it's something jeff understands completely himself. for as long as jeff has known him, david's always been the type to run head first into danger with, presumably, no sense of self preservation. he's seen david stumble out of trials covered in more blood and bruises than one man should be able to walk off, he's heard his pained shouts echo across every realm at least once, and it's never been easy to witness, not with david or with anyone - but it is harder, now that they're... involved. it takes more effort to bite his tongue when david insists on putting himself into situations he more than likely will not survive just to make sure someone else does. it takes more effort not to snap at him for being so fucking reckless sometimes, and jeff never snaps. has never and if he can help it, will never, but the new urge to grab david by the front of his jacket and shove him in a safer direction and tell him to fucking go has been noted. several times.
so he gets it. why it's difficult, why david needs space and time away from everyone like this, why he's been out in the woods for who knows how long since their last trial with the oni. if their places were swapped, jeff knows he'd be out here too. beating himself up, going over every misstep, wondering if there was something else he could have done to keep david safe.
jeff exhales quietly through his nose, his brows pinching together gently for a moment before relaxing again. he turns his head just slightly, just enough to push his nose and his mouth against david's palm, not quite a kiss but a suggestion of one. he reaches up with one of his hands, runs it along david's forearm, squeezes his wrist. hums a short, low note in acknowledgement. ]
... I know. [ jeff's voice is still a little rough, and his lack of projection doesn't help. he clears his throat, wets his lips, lets his hand drift from david's wrist, to his elbow, and back again, fingers ghosting over old ink. ] For me too. Watching you... do what you do.
[ putting himself in harm's way, or worse. not saying anything about it because it won't change anything and jeff cannot and does not fault david for trying to save people. jeff does the same shit to a lesser extent, so it'd be hypocritical of him, but. it's still hard, and he imagines it'll only get harder.
but it's worth it, at least to him.
jeff offers a faint, fleeting little smile and makes a tired attempt to lighten the mood a little. ]
Saw you about to try and fist fight the Oni. [ that was about the last thing he saw, blurry as fuck, before he fully kicked the bucket. ] Never pegged you for an idiot, but...
[ despite the weight of everything, david can't help the ghost of a smile that pulls on his lips at the way jeff turns his head toward his palm, and david brings his hand up to cup jeff's face in response, thumb rubbing slow and light over his cheek. soothed himself by the hand on his arm, the light squeeze to his wrist, even through the apologetic frown that graces his expression because he knows he's not an easy person to care about and be in a trial with. ]
[ there's a part of him that always wishes he could make people not care, so they wouldn't be urged to try and get him to stop, wouldn't be sad when the odds aren't in his favour and he eats shit. how many times has he let himself die on the hook just to deter last-minute saves once the gates are open? and he has no intention to stop, even knowing as he does. ]
[ and then jeff brings up how ready david was to fight the oni, which pulls him out of his thoughts with a soft laugh. ]
[ david's laugh, however quiet and distracted, is somewhat comforting and jeff finds himself trying to hide a tired little smile of his own. his eyes roll like he's thinking, like he's trying to pull a thought or a memory out of the empty space between himself and david, mouth turning downward slightly as if it's actually fairly difficult to think of any other time that david's been a bit of an idiot.
it's not that hard. fortunately, a number of those moments have been relatively harmless.
jeff's eyebrows lift slightly, his fingers flexing loosely at david's wrist. ]
Well. [ he shrugs one of his shoulders lazily, bumping slightly against david's thigh. ] There was that one time I had to come uncuff your ass from the bar.
[ at the saloon. which probably was only half david's fault, but jeff would bet the events leading up to him being chained to the bar were less than... genius. and jeff's only teasing, anyway. ]
And then there was...
[ he tapers off, chuckles quietly. truthfully, he can't think of anything else unrelated to the stunts david pulls in trials, and that shit is more or less off limits as far as discussion goes - but it's fun to pull david's leg a little. ]
[ david still has no idea how he ended up cuffed to the bar (or why he wasn't killed by slinger or some other killer on his turf) but mention of it still makes him laugh. he still remembers the warmth of jeff's jacket fresh off him, warm and comfortable like something he could sink into, and the way it smelled like him. he hadn't entirely wanted to give it back at the time and he didn't know why, but he gets it now. ]
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hardlydead) wrote2021-11-01 05:44 am
no subject
the thought is enough to make him laugh a little, though it's hardly more than a tired puff of air through his nose. can't use that as an excuse when time is a questionable concept here.
he's feeling better than he did an hour ago though. functional, present. david is often good at grounding him, aware of it or not. jeff relaxes into the subtle touches, the hand in his hair, the thumb following the line of his jaw. if it weren't for the violent trauma leading up to this moment, he thinks he could get used to this, just existing in the quiet with someone he cares about. jeff watches david quietly, can tell there's something on his mind, but like more often than not, he doesn't pry. he's learned that waiting typically yields the same results. and he's not wrong this time, either.
david's admission isn't... surprising, if only because it's something jeff understands completely himself. for as long as jeff has known him, david's always been the type to run head first into danger with, presumably, no sense of self preservation. he's seen david stumble out of trials covered in more blood and bruises than one man should be able to walk off, he's heard his pained shouts echo across every realm at least once, and it's never been easy to witness, not with david or with anyone - but it is harder, now that they're... involved. it takes more effort to bite his tongue when david insists on putting himself into situations he more than likely will not survive just to make sure someone else does. it takes more effort not to snap at him for being so fucking reckless sometimes, and jeff never snaps. has never and if he can help it, will never, but the new urge to grab david by the front of his jacket and shove him in a safer direction and tell him to fucking go has been noted. several times.
so he gets it. why it's difficult, why david needs space and time away from everyone like this, why he's been out in the woods for who knows how long since their last trial with the oni. if their places were swapped, jeff knows he'd be out here too. beating himself up, going over every misstep, wondering if there was something else he could have done to keep david safe.
jeff exhales quietly through his nose, his brows pinching together gently for a moment before relaxing again. he turns his head just slightly, just enough to push his nose and his mouth against david's palm, not quite a kiss but a suggestion of one. he reaches up with one of his hands, runs it along david's forearm, squeezes his wrist. hums a short, low note in acknowledgement. ]
... I know. [ jeff's voice is still a little rough, and his lack of projection doesn't help. he clears his throat, wets his lips, lets his hand drift from david's wrist, to his elbow, and back again, fingers ghosting over old ink. ] For me too. Watching you... do what you do.
[ putting himself in harm's way, or worse. not saying anything about it because it won't change anything and jeff cannot and does not fault david for trying to save people. jeff does the same shit to a lesser extent, so it'd be hypocritical of him, but. it's still hard, and he imagines it'll only get harder.
but it's worth it, at least to him.
jeff offers a faint, fleeting little smile and makes a tired attempt to lighten the mood a little. ]
Saw you about to try and fist fight the Oni. [ that was about the last thing he saw, blurry as fuck, before he fully kicked the bucket. ] Never pegged you for an idiot, but...
[ that's idiot (affectionate). ]
no subject
[ there's a part of him that always wishes he could make people not care, so they wouldn't be urged to try and get him to stop, wouldn't be sad when the odds aren't in his favour and he eats shit. how many times has he let himself die on the hook just to deter last-minute saves once the gates are open? and he has no intention to stop, even knowing as he does. ]
[ and then jeff brings up how ready david was to fight the oni, which pulls him out of his thoughts with a soft laugh. ]
Never? Really?
[ come on now ]
no subject
it's not that hard. fortunately, a number of those moments have been relatively harmless.
jeff's eyebrows lift slightly, his fingers flexing loosely at david's wrist. ]
Well. [ he shrugs one of his shoulders lazily, bumping slightly against david's thigh. ] There was that one time I had to come uncuff your ass from the bar.
[ at the saloon. which probably was only half david's fault, but jeff would bet the events leading up to him being chained to the bar were less than... genius. and jeff's only teasing, anyway. ]
And then there was...
[ he tapers off, chuckles quietly. truthfully, he can't think of anything else unrelated to the stunts david pulls in trials, and that shit is more or less off limits as far as discussion goes - but it's fun to pull david's leg a little. ]
no subject
There was...?
[ he raises an eyebrow, curious. ]