[ if jeff had the energy, he'd argue that someone needs to worry about david, considering how often he runs straight into harm's way. sure, it's for the sake of someone else, but that doesn't make finding him somewhere covered in blood, or having to hear him scream from across the realm any easier. david sure isn't going to worry about himself.
but jeff's tired, and it's a pointless argument anyway, if it could even be considered an argument at all. the gentle nudge is enough of a suggestion to jeff him moving, and though he's loath to pull away from david, he does so anyway and moves to sit down with his back against a fallen tree only a handful of steps away, heaving a heavy sigh when he settles. ]
Doesn't stop her though, does it?
[ obviously he's not really talking about meg, but it makes the conversation feel slightly less serious. ]
[ david wonders, as he sits next to jeff, if he should push against that so they're talking about jeff instead of "meg". but if it makes talking easier than maybe he should leave it alone. it's hard to know the best choice to make. ]
[ jeff isn't fragile — never has been in the time they've known eachother — but sometimes david has this urge to protect him like he is. not just from killers, but from himself. from david too. there's something precious in jeff's gentleness, in the care and patience he extends to other people and the way those qualities haven't been ground down by his time in the fog, but david's not going to stop throwing himself headlong into danger and they both know that. ]
[ david doesn't want worrying about him to be the thing that finally wears jeff down. ]
Some people are worriers, I guess. Even when it's them we should be worrying about.
[ he reclines against that log, doing his best to make himself an inviting pillow or something. reaches for jeff with a soft c'mon, here once he thinks he's got it. ]
[ there's not much jeff can think of to say to that, no argument to make because david's not wrong, though his brow does furrow slightly. he wonders, quietly, if david knows meg is somewhat of a cover. does he worry about jeff? is that what he's saying? jeff's too tired to try and read between the lines or peel away the facade.
when david gestures for him to come closer, jeff only hesitates for maybe half a second. he plants his hands in the dirt on either side of himself, lifts and shifts his weight with more effort than usual, until eventually he's - laying down. sprawled out on the forest floor with his hands folded over each other on his stomach, and the back of his head rested on david's thigh, eyes closed. how's that for a pillow? ]
[ it's not exactly what he expected jeff to do, and david takes it to mean he still feels like shit. lets him settle and then quietly starts to comb his fingers through jeff's hair, brings his other hand to his chest, touch light as it moves up to his neck where his thumb can brush lightly along his jaw. ]
[ neither of them like to bother people with their feelings, and david respects that, he doesn't pry because he knows he'd get frustrated if the shoe was on the other foot. he'd like it if jeff would though, he thinks. if jeff would tell him when he's frustrated or hurt or whatever, but david would have to do the same in return and that's not easy. for a lot of reasons. ]
[ david sits on that thought for a little, looking down at jeff as he strokes his hair in the quiet. almost a little apologetic when he does speak. ]
It's... It's harder now. When you get hurt. [ he clears his throat ] That's what it is.
[ the urge to drop everything when he knows jeff's in trouble is so strong, so difficult to fight to keep his head on straight. sometimes it's the worst possible thing he could do in the moment, but david thinks he wouldn't care at all if it meant keeping jeff alive and getting him through those doors. but jeff would hate that, if saving him meant putting someone else in danger, and david would hate himself for it too. worse than he does when he feels as though he's failed. ]
[ he doesn't regret this — whatever this is between them — but sometimes david wonders if it wasn't on purpose somehow. some dumb little scheme of the entity's, to reach out a hand with something good, knowing the ways it would inevitably hurt too. but more likely it's just the reality of how things are here. ]
[ david's not wrong - jeff does still feel like hot wet garbage set on fire. coming back from being sacrificed is never particularly easy, especially when the cause is death is more than a few meat hooks shoved through the chest in just the right place, but something about this last go has left him feeling more wrung out than usual, though not enough for jeff to feel terribly concerned about it. maybe he's just getting too old for this.
the thought is enough to make him laugh a little, though it's hardly more than a tired puff of air through his nose. can't use that as an excuse when time is a questionable concept here.
he's feeling better than he did an hour ago though. functional, present. david is often good at grounding him, aware of it or not. jeff relaxes into the subtle touches, the hand in his hair, the thumb following the line of his jaw. if it weren't for the violent trauma leading up to this moment, he thinks he could get used to this, just existing in the quiet with someone he cares about. jeff watches david quietly, can tell there's something on his mind, but like more often than not, he doesn't pry. he's learned that waiting typically yields the same results. and he's not wrong this time, either.
david's admission isn't... surprising, if only because it's something jeff understands completely himself. for as long as jeff has known him, david's always been the type to run head first into danger with, presumably, no sense of self preservation. he's seen david stumble out of trials covered in more blood and bruises than one man should be able to walk off, he's heard his pained shouts echo across every realm at least once, and it's never been easy to witness, not with david or with anyone - but it is harder, now that they're... involved. it takes more effort to bite his tongue when david insists on putting himself into situations he more than likely will not survive just to make sure someone else does. it takes more effort not to snap at him for being so fucking reckless sometimes, and jeff never snaps. has never and if he can help it, will never, but the new urge to grab david by the front of his jacket and shove him in a safer direction and tell him to fucking go has been noted. several times.
so he gets it. why it's difficult, why david needs space and time away from everyone like this, why he's been out in the woods for who knows how long since their last trial with the oni. if their places were swapped, jeff knows he'd be out here too. beating himself up, going over every misstep, wondering if there was something else he could have done to keep david safe.
jeff exhales quietly through his nose, his brows pinching together gently for a moment before relaxing again. he turns his head just slightly, just enough to push his nose and his mouth against david's palm, not quite a kiss but a suggestion of one. he reaches up with one of his hands, runs it along david's forearm, squeezes his wrist. hums a short, low note in acknowledgement. ]
... I know. [ jeff's voice is still a little rough, and his lack of projection doesn't help. he clears his throat, wets his lips, lets his hand drift from david's wrist, to his elbow, and back again, fingers ghosting over old ink. ] For me too. Watching you... do what you do.
[ putting himself in harm's way, or worse. not saying anything about it because it won't change anything and jeff cannot and does not fault david for trying to save people. jeff does the same shit to a lesser extent, so it'd be hypocritical of him, but. it's still hard, and he imagines it'll only get harder.
but it's worth it, at least to him.
jeff offers a faint, fleeting little smile and makes a tired attempt to lighten the mood a little. ]
Saw you about to try and fist fight the Oni. [ that was about the last thing he saw, blurry as fuck, before he fully kicked the bucket. ] Never pegged you for an idiot, but...
[ despite the weight of everything, david can't help the ghost of a smile that pulls on his lips at the way jeff turns his head toward his palm, and david brings his hand up to cup jeff's face in response, thumb rubbing slow and light over his cheek. soothed himself by the hand on his arm, the light squeeze to his wrist, even through the apologetic frown that graces his expression because he knows he's not an easy person to care about and be in a trial with. ]
[ there's a part of him that always wishes he could make people not care, so they wouldn't be urged to try and get him to stop, wouldn't be sad when the odds aren't in his favour and he eats shit. how many times has he let himself die on the hook just to deter last-minute saves once the gates are open? and he has no intention to stop, even knowing as he does. ]
[ and then jeff brings up how ready david was to fight the oni, which pulls him out of his thoughts with a soft laugh. ]
[ david's laugh, however quiet and distracted, is somewhat comforting and jeff finds himself trying to hide a tired little smile of his own. his eyes roll like he's thinking, like he's trying to pull a thought or a memory out of the empty space between himself and david, mouth turning downward slightly as if it's actually fairly difficult to think of any other time that david's been a bit of an idiot.
it's not that hard. fortunately, a number of those moments have been relatively harmless.
jeff's eyebrows lift slightly, his fingers flexing loosely at david's wrist. ]
Well. [ he shrugs one of his shoulders lazily, bumping slightly against david's thigh. ] There was that one time I had to come uncuff your ass from the bar.
[ at the saloon. which probably was only half david's fault, but jeff would bet the events leading up to him being chained to the bar were less than... genius. and jeff's only teasing, anyway. ]
And then there was...
[ he tapers off, chuckles quietly. truthfully, he can't think of anything else unrelated to the stunts david pulls in trials, and that shit is more or less off limits as far as discussion goes - but it's fun to pull david's leg a little. ]
[ david still has no idea how he ended up cuffed to the bar (or why he wasn't killed by slinger or some other killer on his turf) but mention of it still makes him laugh. he still remembers the warmth of jeff's jacket fresh off him, warm and comfortable like something he could sink into, and the way it smelled like him. he hadn't entirely wanted to give it back at the time and he didn't know why, but he gets it now. ]
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hardlydead) wrote2021-11-01 05:44 am
no subject
but jeff's tired, and it's a pointless argument anyway, if it could even be considered an argument at all. the gentle nudge is enough of a suggestion to jeff him moving, and though he's loath to pull away from david, he does so anyway and moves to sit down with his back against a fallen tree only a handful of steps away, heaving a heavy sigh when he settles. ]
Doesn't stop her though, does it?
[ obviously he's not really talking about meg, but it makes the conversation feel slightly less serious. ]
no subject
[ jeff isn't fragile — never has been in the time they've known eachother — but sometimes david has this urge to protect him like he is. not just from killers, but from himself. from david too. there's something precious in jeff's gentleness, in the care and patience he extends to other people and the way those qualities haven't been ground down by his time in the fog, but david's not going to stop throwing himself headlong into danger and they both know that. ]
[ david doesn't want worrying about him to be the thing that finally wears jeff down. ]
Some people are worriers, I guess. Even when it's them we should be worrying about.
[ he reclines against that log, doing his best to make himself an inviting pillow or something. reaches for jeff with a soft c'mon, here once he thinks he's got it. ]
no subject
[ there's not much jeff can think of to say to that, no argument to make because david's not wrong, though his brow does furrow slightly. he wonders, quietly, if david knows meg is somewhat of a cover. does he worry about jeff? is that what he's saying? jeff's too tired to try and read between the lines or peel away the facade.
when david gestures for him to come closer, jeff only hesitates for maybe half a second. he plants his hands in the dirt on either side of himself, lifts and shifts his weight with more effort than usual, until eventually he's - laying down. sprawled out on the forest floor with his hands folded over each other on his stomach, and the back of his head rested on david's thigh, eyes closed. how's that for a pillow? ]
no subject
[ neither of them like to bother people with their feelings, and david respects that, he doesn't pry because he knows he'd get frustrated if the shoe was on the other foot. he'd like it if jeff would though, he thinks. if jeff would tell him when he's frustrated or hurt or whatever, but david would have to do the same in return and that's not easy. for a lot of reasons. ]
[ david sits on that thought for a little, looking down at jeff as he strokes his hair in the quiet. almost a little apologetic when he does speak. ]
It's... It's harder now. When you get hurt. [ he clears his throat ] That's what it is.
[ the urge to drop everything when he knows jeff's in trouble is so strong, so difficult to fight to keep his head on straight. sometimes it's the worst possible thing he could do in the moment, but david thinks he wouldn't care at all if it meant keeping jeff alive and getting him through those doors. but jeff would hate that, if saving him meant putting someone else in danger, and david would hate himself for it too. worse than he does when he feels as though he's failed. ]
[ he doesn't regret this — whatever this is between them — but sometimes david wonders if it wasn't on purpose somehow. some dumb little scheme of the entity's, to reach out a hand with something good, knowing the ways it would inevitably hurt too. but more likely it's just the reality of how things are here. ]
no subject
the thought is enough to make him laugh a little, though it's hardly more than a tired puff of air through his nose. can't use that as an excuse when time is a questionable concept here.
he's feeling better than he did an hour ago though. functional, present. david is often good at grounding him, aware of it or not. jeff relaxes into the subtle touches, the hand in his hair, the thumb following the line of his jaw. if it weren't for the violent trauma leading up to this moment, he thinks he could get used to this, just existing in the quiet with someone he cares about. jeff watches david quietly, can tell there's something on his mind, but like more often than not, he doesn't pry. he's learned that waiting typically yields the same results. and he's not wrong this time, either.
david's admission isn't... surprising, if only because it's something jeff understands completely himself. for as long as jeff has known him, david's always been the type to run head first into danger with, presumably, no sense of self preservation. he's seen david stumble out of trials covered in more blood and bruises than one man should be able to walk off, he's heard his pained shouts echo across every realm at least once, and it's never been easy to witness, not with david or with anyone - but it is harder, now that they're... involved. it takes more effort to bite his tongue when david insists on putting himself into situations he more than likely will not survive just to make sure someone else does. it takes more effort not to snap at him for being so fucking reckless sometimes, and jeff never snaps. has never and if he can help it, will never, but the new urge to grab david by the front of his jacket and shove him in a safer direction and tell him to fucking go has been noted. several times.
so he gets it. why it's difficult, why david needs space and time away from everyone like this, why he's been out in the woods for who knows how long since their last trial with the oni. if their places were swapped, jeff knows he'd be out here too. beating himself up, going over every misstep, wondering if there was something else he could have done to keep david safe.
jeff exhales quietly through his nose, his brows pinching together gently for a moment before relaxing again. he turns his head just slightly, just enough to push his nose and his mouth against david's palm, not quite a kiss but a suggestion of one. he reaches up with one of his hands, runs it along david's forearm, squeezes his wrist. hums a short, low note in acknowledgement. ]
... I know. [ jeff's voice is still a little rough, and his lack of projection doesn't help. he clears his throat, wets his lips, lets his hand drift from david's wrist, to his elbow, and back again, fingers ghosting over old ink. ] For me too. Watching you... do what you do.
[ putting himself in harm's way, or worse. not saying anything about it because it won't change anything and jeff cannot and does not fault david for trying to save people. jeff does the same shit to a lesser extent, so it'd be hypocritical of him, but. it's still hard, and he imagines it'll only get harder.
but it's worth it, at least to him.
jeff offers a faint, fleeting little smile and makes a tired attempt to lighten the mood a little. ]
Saw you about to try and fist fight the Oni. [ that was about the last thing he saw, blurry as fuck, before he fully kicked the bucket. ] Never pegged you for an idiot, but...
[ that's idiot (affectionate). ]
no subject
[ there's a part of him that always wishes he could make people not care, so they wouldn't be urged to try and get him to stop, wouldn't be sad when the odds aren't in his favour and he eats shit. how many times has he let himself die on the hook just to deter last-minute saves once the gates are open? and he has no intention to stop, even knowing as he does. ]
[ and then jeff brings up how ready david was to fight the oni, which pulls him out of his thoughts with a soft laugh. ]
Never? Really?
[ come on now ]
no subject
it's not that hard. fortunately, a number of those moments have been relatively harmless.
jeff's eyebrows lift slightly, his fingers flexing loosely at david's wrist. ]
Well. [ he shrugs one of his shoulders lazily, bumping slightly against david's thigh. ] There was that one time I had to come uncuff your ass from the bar.
[ at the saloon. which probably was only half david's fault, but jeff would bet the events leading up to him being chained to the bar were less than... genius. and jeff's only teasing, anyway. ]
And then there was...
[ he tapers off, chuckles quietly. truthfully, he can't think of anything else unrelated to the stunts david pulls in trials, and that shit is more or less off limits as far as discussion goes - but it's fun to pull david's leg a little. ]
no subject
There was...?
[ he raises an eyebrow, curious. ]