[ that's more helpful than jeff thinks, gives david a clearer idea of where jeff's head is at. he nods as he listens to him, watches him with some sympathy in his expression for jeff's little anxious tics, for the way he clearly isn't comfortable having to articulate himself — david might be better at it, but he gets it too. ]
I just wanted to make sure we're on the same page. [ a little absently, he reaches up with his free hand and tucks some of jeff's hair back while he's looking at him, smile a bit more genuine than before, small as it is. ] I wasn't asking for casual or wanting to slow down, I just--
[ he frowns suddenly, purses his lips for a moment trying to find the right way to describe it. he's a little slower when he continues, more deliberate as if he's not fully sure of what he's about to say until the words are out of his mouth, which is less like him than people might think. ]
I don't wanna get invested in something and have it be one-sided because you're not interested in that and I didn't know. That's all it was.
[ for the second time in less than five minutes, jeff feels like a little bit of an idiot - but in a way that's funny in hindsight, rather than stressful. he's not typically the kind of person to let himself spiral over minor things - and he wouldn't say he'd started to spiral here, either, not really - but when it comes to important things, he likes to get them right. he wants whatever he's doing with david to be... right. and for a moment, he'd gotten ahead of himself, thought too hard about what david was asking and maybe went a little too worst-case-scenario for a minute. assumed he was doing something wrong, or was maybe asking for too much or assuming there was something more here than there actually was.
the clarification here is a welcome relief, eases whatever anxiety was clinging to him. it's almost kind of funny, when david lays it all out. that he thinks at all that jeff might not be interested or - or invested is almost laughable, maybe only to jeff. he was telling the truth earlier, when he admitted to being attracted to david, but in david's defense, up until... the mistletoe incident, jeff had made a point of keeping any feelings he may have been developing toward david to himself. burying them in quick sketches and folded pages, in small, easily dismissed gestures - like lending him his jacket after springing him free from the saloon, or setting aside a scavenged beer for him while he was sleeping, so he wouldn't miss out. so it's not david's fault if there are some doubts, and jeff doesn't blame him.
as amusing as it is, though, jeff doesn't laugh. instead, he smiles faintly, feeling a little more reassured, and reaches out only somewhat hesitantly to touch his fingers to david's side. lets them drift a little so he can hook his index in one of his belt loops and give it a gentle little tug, not with any intention to pull david closer, but just out of a desire to be physically connected to him in some way. jeff shakes his head slightly, that ghost of a smile still lingering. ]
It's not one-sided. [ he thought that much was obvious. ] I am interested. [ he gives david's belt loop another light little tug. ] Invested.
Okay. [ he smiles, at first it's just in his eyes, bright and warm when he looks at jeff, and then he nods and it widens into a grin. ] Okay, yeah. Good.
[ for a moment he just feels overwhelmed (in a good way) by the verbal confirmation, he lets his hand trail down the outside of jeff's arm to find his hand and take it to give it a quick squeeze. so they're on the same page, they're just also idiots. that's fine by david, he can handle being a dumbass. it's another moment that has him feeling a bit like some dumb teenager, but david can live with that too. ]
[ there's a thread of anxiety there too, but that's for later, when he's on his own. he doesn't want to sour the moment by freaking out over whether or not he's gonna ruin this somehow. instead he glances back over his shoulder and moves to step away so they can get moving again. ]
[ there's something about david's eyes that jeff has always liked, but he likes them best when david is smiling, how they seem to shine a little more, crinkle just a little bit near the corners. it makes jeff smile too as he looks at him, not quite as wide but just as genuine.
when david squeezes his hand, jeff adjusts his own slightly so he can squeeze back, thumb doing a quick pass over his knuckles. it would appear that they're on the same page more than they know, because jeff knows he'll overthink this at some point when he's got time to himself. he knows he'll get in his head, wonder what he's doing to do to fuck up. it's not that his track record when it comes to relationships is bad, and he can't even really say for sure that whatever he's got with david is considered a relationship yet, if at all, but it's - important to him. david is important to him, regardless of their involvement with each other. it would be just his luck to see it all come crashing down.
but that's later's to-do list. for now, jeff watches david as he looks over his shoulder, watches him as he starts to step away. follows after him so he doesn't get too far without him, shoulder bumping his. ]
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hardlydead) wrote2021-11-01 05:44 am
no subject
I just wanted to make sure we're on the same page. [ a little absently, he reaches up with his free hand and tucks some of jeff's hair back while he's looking at him, smile a bit more genuine than before, small as it is. ] I wasn't asking for casual or wanting to slow down, I just--
[ he frowns suddenly, purses his lips for a moment trying to find the right way to describe it. he's a little slower when he continues, more deliberate as if he's not fully sure of what he's about to say until the words are out of his mouth, which is less like him than people might think. ]
I don't wanna get invested in something and have it be one-sided because you're not interested in that and I didn't know. That's all it was.
no subject
[ for the second time in less than five minutes, jeff feels like a little bit of an idiot - but in a way that's funny in hindsight, rather than stressful. he's not typically the kind of person to let himself spiral over minor things - and he wouldn't say he'd started to spiral here, either, not really - but when it comes to important things, he likes to get them right. he wants whatever he's doing with david to be... right. and for a moment, he'd gotten ahead of himself, thought too hard about what david was asking and maybe went a little too worst-case-scenario for a minute. assumed he was doing something wrong, or was maybe asking for too much or assuming there was something more here than there actually was.
the clarification here is a welcome relief, eases whatever anxiety was clinging to him. it's almost kind of funny, when david lays it all out. that he thinks at all that jeff might not be interested or - or invested is almost laughable, maybe only to jeff. he was telling the truth earlier, when he admitted to being attracted to david, but in david's defense, up until... the mistletoe incident, jeff had made a point of keeping any feelings he may have been developing toward david to himself. burying them in quick sketches and folded pages, in small, easily dismissed gestures - like lending him his jacket after springing him free from the saloon, or setting aside a scavenged beer for him while he was sleeping, so he wouldn't miss out. so it's not david's fault if there are some doubts, and jeff doesn't blame him.
as amusing as it is, though, jeff doesn't laugh. instead, he smiles faintly, feeling a little more reassured, and reaches out only somewhat hesitantly to touch his fingers to david's side. lets them drift a little so he can hook his index in one of his belt loops and give it a gentle little tug, not with any intention to pull david closer, but just out of a desire to be physically connected to him in some way. jeff shakes his head slightly, that ghost of a smile still lingering. ]
It's not one-sided. [ he thought that much was obvious. ] I am interested. [ he gives david's belt loop another light little tug. ] Invested.
no subject
[ for a moment he just feels overwhelmed (in a good way) by the verbal confirmation, he lets his hand trail down the outside of jeff's arm to find his hand and take it to give it a quick squeeze. so they're on the same page, they're just also idiots. that's fine by david, he can handle being a dumbass. it's another moment that has him feeling a bit like some dumb teenager, but david can live with that too. ]
[ there's a thread of anxiety there too, but that's for later, when he's on his own. he doesn't want to sour the moment by freaking out over whether or not he's gonna ruin this somehow. instead he glances back over his shoulder and moves to step away so they can get moving again. ]
no subject
when david squeezes his hand, jeff adjusts his own slightly so he can squeeze back, thumb doing a quick pass over his knuckles. it would appear that they're on the same page more than they know, because jeff knows he'll overthink this at some point when he's got time to himself. he knows he'll get in his head, wonder what he's doing to do to fuck up. it's not that his track record when it comes to relationships is bad, and he can't even really say for sure that whatever he's got with david is considered a relationship yet, if at all, but it's - important to him. david is important to him, regardless of their involvement with each other. it would be just his luck to see it all come crashing down.
but that's later's to-do list. for now, jeff watches david as he looks over his shoulder, watches him as he starts to step away. follows after him so he doesn't get too far without him, shoulder bumping his. ]