[ what's a few more minutes? it's a dangerous line of thought and even half asleep, david's aware of that much, but he can feel jeff's breath on his throat and his hand on his side and he can't bear to give that up a second sooner than he has to. if they end up slaughtered for it like teens in some schlocky horror movie, he thinks that might be worth it. ]
[ jeff offers a quiet note of agreement, but otherwise, he keeps pretty quiet for the next few minutes or so, slowly easing more and more into the waking world. admittedly, it's a little bit of a struggle to not go straight back to sleep, but he manages by keeping his mind occupied with little things. the warmth of david's skin, the steady pattern of his breathing, the muscle and bone underneath his hand. the sound of his voice, rough around the edges, the slightly thicker accent.
eventually, though, jeff concedes: they have to get moving at some point, either before someone comes looking or their luck runs out. with a sigh, jeff brushes a fleeting kiss against david's neck and then starts to shift, peeling himself away from him and turning onto his back. he stretches his back out, uses one hand to rub his fingers against his eyes, and then paws around by his side for wherever their shirts wound up. not far, apparently, and he drags both over and drops them on david's stomach. he's awake, but maybe not enough to sort out whose is whose. ]
[ david makes a noise of complaint when jeff pulls away, but he's right, they should get moving. he rubs at his eyes with the heels of his hands and sighs, forcing himself to sit up. okay. fine. he's awake. raises his arms out over his head in a stretch and then picks up their shirts from where they ended up in his lap. it takes him maybe a few moments longer than it should to tell whose is whose, but eventually david manages to figure out which one is his and pulls it on. ]
Here. [ and then he dumps jeff's shirt on his face. romance. ] Make yourself decent.
[ jeff laughs more at david's comment than he does at his shirt being piled onto his face, quiet and deep and still a little bit raspy. he drags his shirt off his his head, heaves a heavy sigh, and then sits up so he can "make himself decent". funny, coming from the guy who's ripped and definitely took his shirt off first.
but jeff pulls his shirt on, untucks his hair from underneath his collar, and then rakes his fingers through his hair so he can tie it back. the less it looks like he has bedhead, the better, probably. at least if they're going to attempt to get away with this, anyway. he pulls his hands down over his face when he's done, chasing away any lingering sleepiness, then looks at david. ]
Think we should find something to take back?
[ or just call it an unsuccessful supply run? that took... several hours. ]
[ ugh but jeff looks so good with his hair tied back? how rude. david just watches him for those moments while he's dealing with his hair, and when jeff speaks it makes him jump just the tiniest amount. he shakes his head, shaking that off. supplies, right. ]
Don't think we wanna stick around here much longer.
[ with a slight lift of his brows and a quick, downward turn of his mouth, jeff nods just once. he can't really argue with that. no point in ruining a good thing by overstaying their welcome ("welcome") just for some batteries or bandages to use as a cover story. the likelihood of someone asking where the two of them have been is pretty slim anyway, and it's not like it'd be that hard to paint up a quick excuse.
if jeff doesn't get up now though, he's likely to just stay here forever, so with some reluctance, he kicks his legs over the side of the bed and stands, taking another second to properly stretch his back and his shoulder - which, by some miracle, don't actually ache at all for once - and then he turns and offers a hand out toward david. as if he really needs help getting out of bed. ]
[ well jeff's certainly not going to complain about being kissed, and if he did have a complaint it would just be that it's too brief. he kisses david back, and pointedly doesn't chase after him once he pulls away even though he wants to. if he lets himself get carried away again, they'll never get out of here.
with a gentle pat to david's side, jeff tilts his head toward the door and then steps away from him to start to head out. ]
C'mon. [ and then, quieter, he adds: ] Careful.
[ you know. just in case michael's lurking around somewhere waiting to gut a couple of trespassers. ]
[ david makes a soft noise, agreeing, and starts to follow jeff out. he pauses by one of the windows just to take a quick look out on the street but if michael's there he's pretty well hidden, which. well that's fine by him. as long as he can't hear him, they're probably good. ]
[ there's always the temptation to just jump one of the windows and bolt out of this fucking place, but david stops himself. quick and careful as he takes the stairs and peeks outside again for any signs of life other than the two of them before he steps out onto the porch, casting a look jeff's way to see if he's noticed anything. they're probably fine. ]
[ unwilling to let david wander too far from him when they don't know for sure if they're in the clear, jeff keeps close and keeps an eye and ear out for anything concerning. it's quiet though, just as it was when they wandered in (which, honestly, is maybe a little more unsettling than it would be if michael was just standing somewhere out in the open, lurking as he's wont to do), and when he steps out onto the porch beside david, he offers a subtle shake of his head, almost as if he read david's mind. as far as he can tell, they're the only two around.
jeff tilts his head in the direction of the gate they came in through, then starts down the small handful of steps off the porch. it almost seems too easy to be getting away with this, almost enough that the idea of doing something like this again sounds very tempting. maybe they choose a different house next time, a different bed. keep from forming too much of a predictable pattern.
it'd be a stupid move to try and press their luck again - but worth it, maybe. ]
[ david falls into step at jeff's side, his own thoughts drifting in the same direction. part of him thinking that doing this in the first place was almost unfathomably stupid, doing it again would be even dumber, but on the other hand... on the other hand, why shouldn't they? so much of their time here is spent being terrified and miserable, what's so wrong with taking the risk to carve out a few hours here and there just to be at peace for a little? ]
[ he looks down at his hand, traces his thumb against the edge of a finger as he thinks about jeff's hand in his and halfway wonders if maybe this was a mistake, but if it was or wasn't it doesn't really matter now either way. honestly the difficult part for david is going to be keeping his hands to himself in just about all other situations. ]
[ like now, as they pass through the gate and his urge is to reach for jeff just out of sheer relief. he sighs instead, shoulders visibly relaxing. sure they're not necessarily safe yet, but things just shifted dramatically in their favour. ]
[ david might be able to resist reaching out for jeff once they reach the gate, but as they pass through, jeff's hit with this weird spike of— it's not anxiety, but it's vaguely similar. it's this sense that he's about to lose something or leave something behind, and that feeling rattles around in his chest like an irritated moth the closer and closer they come to passing through the gate and leaving haddonfield. ]
Hey.
[ jeff catches david by the elbow, reaches out and grabs him without more than a single word as a warning, but there's nothing urgent in his touch. he's gentle as he pulls david aside, and even gentler when he leans down to kiss him.
you know. just one more before they have to go back and they can't do this anymore. ]
[ the touch catches him by surprise, and he's expecting jeff to point something out after the pull on his arm, so when he turns toward jeff and into a kiss it stuns david still. only for a moment though, and he quickly catches himself and raises his free hand to the side of jeff's face, smiling against his lips. ]
[ that smile against his lips and david's hand cupping his face soothes some of that staticky feeling in jeff's chest pretty quickly. he releases david's elbow so he can wind both of his arms around him, hands stacked one above the other against his lower back, and can't help his own ghost of a smile.
but as much as he'd like to spend another hour or three kissing david, he knows they shouldn't linger, so jeff keeps it brief. pulls away after a few seconds, bumps his nose against david's, leaves one last kiss on his cheek. ]
Sorry. [ he says, close to his ear before fully detaching himself from david. he clears his throat quietly, tries to hide the tiniest of playful smirks. ] Couldn't help it.
[ david snorts, not entirely believing that but not complaining either. if anything he kind of wishes the thought had occurred to him first, but if they were both always thinking about kissing at the same time they'd probably never do anything else, and that would become a problem sooner or later. ]
I think-- [ he bumps his shoulder against jeff's and starts walking again, teasing a little but otherwise honest. ] That's not something you've ever gotta apologise to me for.
[ jeff's fairly unmovable, so he doesn't budge too much when david bumps him with his shoulder. he watches him start to walk away for a moment with a little bit of fondness in his eye and laughs though its more to himself. the last couple hours or so, or however the hell long it's been since they wandered away from camp, feel very... surreal. dangerous, too, in a way jeff doesn't really want to think about until he's forced to, so he doesn't.
he only lets david get a handful of steps away from him before he moves to catch up to him with a few easy strides, and though he feels that same urge to reach out and touch him again somehow, this time he resists. doesn't mean he lets too much space come between them though. ]
[ david sticks close the whole time back, close enough his arm occasionally brushes against jeff's, which isn't on purpose but it's also not not on purpose. it feels weird in a way he can't articulate even to himself to just walk back into camp after spending this time with jeff, but in a way he's glad for it. that it's something that has been totally separate from the endless death and blood and dirt that their lives are now. not that he expects to keep things entirely separate, nor does he want to, but isolated little moments here and there? ]
[ ... unless jeff doesn't want that? david frowns, suddenly worried about getting back to camp and that just it. which would, admittedly, be kind of weird considering it's not like they even fucked, but it also wouldn't be the weirdest thing to ever happen to him. ]
[ what he thinks is he should just shake it off when they get back to camp, that he's just a bit out of sorts considering it's the first time he's been close like this with another man since tristan and he's winding himself up over nothing. what david does, on the other hand, is take a couple long strides so he can round in front of jeff and put his hands out apologetically to stop him. ]
[ david darting up ahead and rounding on him happens a little quickly and it catches jeff by surprise. he comes to an abrupt stop, and immediately furrows his brow at david, his expression flickering between confusion and concern. at first, he thinks maybe david spotted something or someone up ahead that they should do their best to avoid, but david isn't the type to turn his back to a potential threat, so that seems... unlikely.
even so, he pauses for a second, glances past david to see if anything's lurking around behind him, slowly reaching for his flashlight in his back pocket, then shifts his gaze back to david. he keeps his voice low, just in case. ]
I, uh. Just wanted to talking about somethin' real quick before we get back.
[ he holds up his hands again as he says it, asking for jeff to give him a moment here. struggling with his words isn't common for david, but sometimes he needs a second to get started, like finding the right foothold on a wall. once he has it, he's golden, but sometimes it takes a little time to get it. ]
[ once he has it, david lowers his hands, clasps them together in front of himself as he speaks. casual, easy. surprisingly relaxed considering he just suddenly stopped jeff in the middle of the woods to ask him this, but it's not serious. he just doesn't want anyone overhearing them is all. ]
Feels like we skipped a couple steps here and just kinda dove right in to something here. [ there's a brief quirk of his lips as he says it, the slightest hint of amusement before he looks up at jeff with narrowed eyes to see if he's following. ] I'm just trying to catch my bearings, is all. So if that's what you want, then great, but if it's not? If you're just after somethin' casual or whatever...
[ david clears his throat, looks down at his hands for a brief moment of uncertainty before he catches himself and looks back up at jeff. maintaining that lightness in his tone because this isn't a big deal or anything, he's just trying to make sure they're on the same page. it's totally chill. ]
I just need to know so I'm not, y'know. [ he raises his eyebrows and tilts his head this way and that, a bit like this is amusing. just a funny little query. ] I'm not tryin' to smother you or anything here.
[ jeff probably couldn't guess at what david wants to talk about even if he tried, but that doesn't mean he doesn't wonder what's on david's mind. it doesn't mean there isn't a small but immediate spike of anxiety that plucks at the inside of his rib cage. nothing he isn't used to, and nowhere close to overwhelming, but it does put him the slightest bit on edge.
but jeff doesn't rush david, doesn't prompt him or push him to continue. jeff's more than familiar with the struggle to put his thoughts into words, and he recognizes this brief pause as just that fairly easily. he stays quiet, his eyebrows still gently pinched and shaped with concern as he waits david out, and when david finally continues, jeff pays attention.
maybe a little too much, because david's loose, amused attitude feels - off in a way that jeff can't really explain. like it doesn't quite match, even though there's nothing particularly serious about the conversation. or maybe jeff's reading something wrong, maybe it's more serious than it seems and he's just thrown off. his eyebrows never unknit, not until david's nearly finished, and even after david does his best impression of a bobble head, it still takes jeff more than a few seconds to catch his own bearings, so to speak.
his brows relax, then lift slightly. jeff clears his throat quietly, opens his mouth to respond, but it turns out he needs another second. eventually, though, he starts to piece his thoughts together and lay them out. ]
Uh. [ great start, jeffrey. he closes his mouth, and absently lets his hand fall away from his flashlight. tries again, fails again. he exhales. ] Look, I'm not — great. At this part. [ you know. verbalizing his thoughts. talking in general. ] So I'll just—
[ jeff shrugs, makes some kind of aborted gesture with one hand. when in doubt, just - open your mouth and hope what comes out makes a modicum of sense. ]
I... am attracted to you. [ obviously. ] Have been, since before the, uh. The station. If we're being honest. [ he clears his throat, maybe very slightly embarrassed by this admission, but he forces himself to keep going. ] I know we— this, [ he makes another half gesture between the two of them and then abandons it ] Has been a little... quick, I guess. But all I want is what you want.
[ jeff should probably put his hands away so he stops doing weird shit with them, so that's exactly what he does. he shoves his hands into his front pockets, elbows straight for a moment before he forces himself to relax, aware that he's awkward. he teeters back on his heels briefly, then settles. ]
If casual's what works for you, that's fine. If that... doesn't work for you, [ in other words, if you want more than casual. jeff shrugs a little, finding himself trying to match that weird energy david was giving off earlier by offering a faint, lopsided smile. it probably doesn't work as well. ] Then... I'm all right with that too. Whatever you're comfortable with. [ he wets his lips, clears his throat again, quiet, then adds almost as an afterthought: ] Either way... I don't feel smothered.
[ he pauses again, blinks. his eyebrows lift a fraction in concern. ]
[ ah, maybe he should've given this a little bit of a lead-in instead of blindsiding jeff with it. but in his defence, david didn't really know he wanted to ask this until about two seconds before he opened his mouth. but it's happened now, and david's patient while jeff works through what he wants to say as he says it — though when jeff admits to having been attracted to david since before the mistletoe incident, that visibly surprises him, eyebrows raised and lips parted in a silent 'oh' for a long moment before he catches himself and remembers he stopped jeff to talk about something else here. that's not important right now. ]
[ he mirrors jeff, hands shoved in his front pockets as he tries to figure out how to respond to all that. he doesn't think he wants just casual, not if he has a choice, but his track record isn't great. maybe he's just not built for anything other than casual relationships.
Don't think I really know what I want.
[ he frowns a bit when he says it, puffs out a light breath with a shake of his head. he just doesn't want to be putting his feelings somewhere they're not going to be reciprocated, and sure he can't control that, but he can minimize the risk for both of them. ]
[ there's also a couple other concerns, but they're ancillary, barely even on his mind. ]
[ immediately, jeff feels kind of... stupid. half the reason he's such a quiet person is because he knows he's not the most... eloquent, and more often than not when he gets to talking too much, he makes things weird, or makes an ass of himself. part of him feels like he's done that right here, like maybe he misinterpreted what david was trying to say - like instead of trying to feel something out, david was really just trying to be subtle in setting a boundary. jeff would like to think he's good at reading people, and that us true most of the time, but it's not impossible for him to be completely wrong.
no point in stressing too much about it though, at least not right here right now. later? probably.
jeff takes one of his hands out of his pockets and uses his knuckles to rub along the edge of his jaw on one side, beard bristling quietly. it's one of many anxious ticks, and when he catches himself doing it, he drops his hand again. ]
Okay. Well. [ he offers a half shrug, shakes his head a little. super casual. ] No pressure.
[ jeff was being honest when he said he only wants what david wants. if david's only interested in something casual, then jeff's not going to ask him or pressure him for anything more than that. if he wants something a little more serious, jeff's available for that too. and if it turns out that david wants nothing at all from him, well - that'll kind of suck more than it would have before he'd kissed david at the top of the stairs outside the police station, but that's just something he'll have to live with, because david isn't obligated to do or be anything for him.
jeff pushes his hand back into his pocket, tries not to look as awkward as he feels. ]
[ he was really kind of hoping for a firmer answer from jeff here, but in hindsight he should've known better. the chances of getting something definite either way without pushing are pretty slim, and david doesn't want to push. he just wants to know what he's doing. is there something here or not? is he imagining the vibe here? ]
[ his frown is brief, mostly just one of thought while he thinks about what jeff said and decides that's just going to have to do. reaches out to put a hand on jeff's arm and give it a squeeze. ]
[ brief or not, jeff catches that frown, and though it might not necessarily be directed at him, all it does is fuel the feeling that there's some kind of miscommunication here. whether it's on his end or david's is hard to tell, and jeff doesn't want to make things weird or uncomfortable by prying too much. but it sits like an itch under the skin.
when david squeezes his arm, jeff responds with a small, tight-lipped smile, just as brief as david's frown. he shakes his head again, taking his hands out of his pockets because he feels like his body language might contradict with his reply. ]
Don't be. I'm not - freaked out. [ that's the truth, even if it doesn't seem like it. he's not freaked out, he's just... incredibly unsure about a lot of things. not about david, not really, just about whether he navigated this whole thing wrong, unsure if he's maybe been being a little too... assertive? which is kind of a wild thing to think about, because he's not really the assertive type.
all of that being said though, jeff pauses for a few long seconds, looks like he's thinking a little too serious about something, and then he just— ] Sorry, can we - start this conversation over?
[ and if he winces a little, it's just because he's self-aware of how ungraceful and abrupt that probably was. ]
Edited (it's me i'm the idiot) 2023-01-28 04:55 (UTC)
[ david lets his grip lax, but he keeps his hand on jeff's arm. he doesn't often see him off-kilter like this any more, and it makes him worry a little that he's mistepped a little, asked something he shouldn't have or backed him into a corner somehow. ]
[ or maybe it's just that jeff isn't exactly the talkative type, and david's asking him for a lot of that right now. not just to talk, but it's not exactly a simple and easy topic, no matter how much david might act like it is. ]
[ either way, he looks up to meet jeff's eyes, patient and listening, mostly to see if he's going to speak first or if david should go. ]
![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png)
hardlydead) wrote2021-11-01 05:44 am
no subject
[ what's a few more minutes? it's a dangerous line of thought and even half asleep, david's aware of that much, but he can feel jeff's breath on his throat and his hand on his side and he can't bear to give that up a second sooner than he has to. if they end up slaughtered for it like teens in some schlocky horror movie, he thinks that might be worth it. ]
no subject
eventually, though, jeff concedes: they have to get moving at some point, either before someone comes looking or their luck runs out. with a sigh, jeff brushes a fleeting kiss against david's neck and then starts to shift, peeling himself away from him and turning onto his back. he stretches his back out, uses one hand to rub his fingers against his eyes, and then paws around by his side for wherever their shirts wound up. not far, apparently, and he drags both over and drops them on david's stomach. he's awake, but maybe not enough to sort out whose is whose. ]
no subject
Here. [ and then he dumps jeff's shirt on his face. romance. ] Make yourself decent.
no subject
but jeff pulls his shirt on, untucks his hair from underneath his collar, and then rakes his fingers through his hair so he can tie it back. the less it looks like he has bedhead, the better, probably. at least if they're going to attempt to get away with this, anyway. he pulls his hands down over his face when he's done, chasing away any lingering sleepiness, then looks at david. ]
Think we should find something to take back?
[ or just call it an unsuccessful supply run? that took... several hours. ]
no subject
Don't think we wanna stick around here much longer.
no subject
if jeff doesn't get up now though, he's likely to just stay here forever, so with some reluctance, he kicks his legs over the side of the bed and stands, taking another second to properly stretch his back and his shoulder - which, by some miracle, don't actually ache at all for once - and then he turns and offers a hand out toward david. as if he really needs help getting out of bed. ]
no subject
Let's head back.
no subject
with a gentle pat to david's side, jeff tilts his head toward the door and then steps away from him to start to head out. ]
C'mon. [ and then, quieter, he adds: ] Careful.
[ you know. just in case michael's lurking around somewhere waiting to gut a couple of trespassers. ]
no subject
[ there's always the temptation to just jump one of the windows and bolt out of this fucking place, but david stops himself. quick and careful as he takes the stairs and peeks outside again for any signs of life other than the two of them before he steps out onto the porch, casting a look jeff's way to see if he's noticed anything. they're probably fine. ]
no subject
jeff tilts his head in the direction of the gate they came in through, then starts down the small handful of steps off the porch. it almost seems too easy to be getting away with this, almost enough that the idea of doing something like this again sounds very tempting. maybe they choose a different house next time, a different bed. keep from forming too much of a predictable pattern.
it'd be a stupid move to try and press their luck again - but worth it, maybe. ]
no subject
[ he looks down at his hand, traces his thumb against the edge of a finger as he thinks about jeff's hand in his and halfway wonders if maybe this was a mistake, but if it was or wasn't it doesn't really matter now either way. honestly the difficult part for david is going to be keeping his hands to himself in just about all other situations. ]
[ like now, as they pass through the gate and his urge is to reach for jeff just out of sheer relief. he sighs instead, shoulders visibly relaxing. sure they're not necessarily safe yet, but things just shifted dramatically in their favour. ]
no subject
Hey.
[ jeff catches david by the elbow, reaches out and grabs him without more than a single word as a warning, but there's nothing urgent in his touch. he's gentle as he pulls david aside, and even gentler when he leans down to kiss him.
you know. just one more before they have to go back and they can't do this anymore. ]
no subject
no subject
but as much as he'd like to spend another hour or three kissing david, he knows they shouldn't linger, so jeff keeps it brief. pulls away after a few seconds, bumps his nose against david's, leaves one last kiss on his cheek. ]
Sorry. [ he says, close to his ear before fully detaching himself from david. he clears his throat quietly, tries to hide the tiniest of playful smirks. ] Couldn't help it.
no subject
I think-- [ he bumps his shoulder against jeff's and starts walking again, teasing a little but otherwise honest. ] That's not something you've ever gotta apologise to me for.
no subject
he only lets david get a handful of steps away from him before he moves to catch up to him with a few easy strides, and though he feels that same urge to reach out and touch him again somehow, this time he resists. doesn't mean he lets too much space come between them though. ]
no subject
[ ... unless jeff doesn't want that? david frowns, suddenly worried about getting back to camp and that just it. which would, admittedly, be kind of weird considering it's not like they even fucked, but it also wouldn't be the weirdest thing to ever happen to him. ]
[ what he thinks is he should just shake it off when they get back to camp, that he's just a bit out of sorts considering it's the first time he's been close like this with another man since tristan and he's winding himself up over nothing. what david does, on the other hand, is take a couple long strides so he can round in front of jeff and put his hands out apologetically to stop him. ]
Hey-- hold on a sec.
no subject
even so, he pauses for a second, glances past david to see if anything's lurking around behind him, slowly reaching for his flashlight in his back pocket, then shifts his gaze back to david. he keeps his voice low, just in case. ]
What's wrong?
no subject
[ he holds up his hands again as he says it, asking for jeff to give him a moment here. struggling with his words isn't common for david, but sometimes he needs a second to get started, like finding the right foothold on a wall. once he has it, he's golden, but sometimes it takes a little time to get it. ]
[ once he has it, david lowers his hands, clasps them together in front of himself as he speaks. casual, easy. surprisingly relaxed considering he just suddenly stopped jeff in the middle of the woods to ask him this, but it's not serious. he just doesn't want anyone overhearing them is all. ]
Feels like we skipped a couple steps here and just kinda dove right in to something here. [ there's a brief quirk of his lips as he says it, the slightest hint of amusement before he looks up at jeff with narrowed eyes to see if he's following. ] I'm just trying to catch my bearings, is all. So if that's what you want, then great, but if it's not? If you're just after somethin' casual or whatever...
[ david clears his throat, looks down at his hands for a brief moment of uncertainty before he catches himself and looks back up at jeff. maintaining that lightness in his tone because this isn't a big deal or anything, he's just trying to make sure they're on the same page. it's totally chill. ]
I just need to know so I'm not, y'know. [ he raises his eyebrows and tilts his head this way and that, a bit like this is amusing. just a funny little query. ] I'm not tryin' to smother you or anything here.
no subject
but jeff doesn't rush david, doesn't prompt him or push him to continue. jeff's more than familiar with the struggle to put his thoughts into words, and he recognizes this brief pause as just that fairly easily. he stays quiet, his eyebrows still gently pinched and shaped with concern as he waits david out, and when david finally continues, jeff pays attention.
maybe a little too much, because david's loose, amused attitude feels - off in a way that jeff can't really explain. like it doesn't quite match, even though there's nothing particularly serious about the conversation. or maybe jeff's reading something wrong, maybe it's more serious than it seems and he's just thrown off. his eyebrows never unknit, not until david's nearly finished, and even after david does his best impression of a bobble head, it still takes jeff more than a few seconds to catch his own bearings, so to speak.
his brows relax, then lift slightly. jeff clears his throat quietly, opens his mouth to respond, but it turns out he needs another second. eventually, though, he starts to piece his thoughts together and lay them out. ]
Uh. [ great start, jeffrey. he closes his mouth, and absently lets his hand fall away from his flashlight. tries again, fails again. he exhales. ] Look, I'm not — great. At this part. [ you know. verbalizing his thoughts. talking in general. ] So I'll just—
[ jeff shrugs, makes some kind of aborted gesture with one hand. when in doubt, just - open your mouth and hope what comes out makes a modicum of sense. ]
I... am attracted to you. [ obviously. ] Have been, since before the, uh. The station. If we're being honest. [ he clears his throat, maybe very slightly embarrassed by this admission, but he forces himself to keep going. ] I know we— this, [ he makes another half gesture between the two of them and then abandons it ] Has been a little... quick, I guess. But all I want is what you want.
[ jeff should probably put his hands away so he stops doing weird shit with them, so that's exactly what he does. he shoves his hands into his front pockets, elbows straight for a moment before he forces himself to relax, aware that he's awkward. he teeters back on his heels briefly, then settles. ]
If casual's what works for you, that's fine. If that... doesn't work for you, [ in other words, if you want more than casual. jeff shrugs a little, finding himself trying to match that weird energy david was giving off earlier by offering a faint, lopsided smile. it probably doesn't work as well. ] Then... I'm all right with that too. Whatever you're comfortable with. [ he wets his lips, clears his throat again, quiet, then adds almost as an afterthought: ] Either way... I don't feel smothered.
[ he pauses again, blinks. his eyebrows lift a fraction in concern. ]
... Do you?
no subject
[ he mirrors jeff, hands shoved in his front pockets as he tries to figure out how to respond to all that. he doesn't think he wants just casual, not if he has a choice, but his track record isn't great. maybe he's just not built for anything other than casual relationships.
Don't think I really know what I want.
[ he frowns a bit when he says it, puffs out a light breath with a shake of his head. he just doesn't want to be putting his feelings somewhere they're not going to be reciprocated, and sure he can't control that, but he can minimize the risk for both of them. ]
[ there's also a couple other concerns, but they're ancillary, barely even on his mind. ]
no subject
no point in stressing too much about it though, at least not right here right now. later? probably.
jeff takes one of his hands out of his pockets and uses his knuckles to rub along the edge of his jaw on one side, beard bristling quietly. it's one of many anxious ticks, and when he catches himself doing it, he drops his hand again. ]
Okay. Well. [ he offers a half shrug, shakes his head a little. super casual. ] No pressure.
[ jeff was being honest when he said he only wants what david wants. if david's only interested in something casual, then jeff's not going to ask him or pressure him for anything more than that. if he wants something a little more serious, jeff's available for that too. and if it turns out that david wants nothing at all from him, well - that'll kind of suck more than it would have before he'd kissed david at the top of the stairs outside the police station, but that's just something he'll have to live with, because david isn't obligated to do or be anything for him.
jeff pushes his hand back into his pocket, tries not to look as awkward as he feels. ]
Just - let me know, I guess. Either way.
no subject
[ his frown is brief, mostly just one of thought while he thinks about what jeff said and decides that's just going to have to do. reaches out to put a hand on jeff's arm and give it a squeeze. ]
Sorry-- Didn't mean to freak you out or anything.
i hate these idiots
when david squeezes his arm, jeff responds with a small, tight-lipped smile, just as brief as david's frown. he shakes his head again, taking his hands out of his pockets because he feels like his body language might contradict with his reply. ]
Don't be. I'm not - freaked out. [ that's the truth, even if it doesn't seem like it. he's not freaked out, he's just... incredibly unsure about a lot of things. not about david, not really, just about whether he navigated this whole thing wrong, unsure if he's maybe been being a little too... assertive? which is kind of a wild thing to think about, because he's not really the assertive type.
all of that being said though, jeff pauses for a few long seconds, looks like he's thinking a little too serious about something, and then he just— ] Sorry, can we - start this conversation over?
[ and if he winces a little, it's just because he's self-aware of how ungraceful and abrupt that probably was. ]
leave them alone they're doing their best
[ david lets his grip lax, but he keeps his hand on jeff's arm. he doesn't often see him off-kilter like this any more, and it makes him worry a little that he's mistepped a little, asked something he shouldn't have or backed him into a corner somehow. ]
[ or maybe it's just that jeff isn't exactly the talkative type, and david's asking him for a lot of that right now. not just to talk, but it's not exactly a simple and easy topic, no matter how much david might act like it is. ]
[ either way, he looks up to meet jeff's eyes, patient and listening, mostly to see if he's going to speak first or if david should go. ]
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)