[ as fleeting as that beat of hesitation is, jeff picks up on it pretty immediately, and though he doesn't back off of david entirely, he does make a point to kind of slow things down.
with david's hands still on him, jeff has no choice but to follow him down, putting a knee up beside him to brace his weight on as david shifts backwards toward the opposite end of the bed, lightly brushing a kiss against his cheek again. when he settles though, he carefully eases himself out of david's grip and tilts his weight, shifting so he winds up sitting beside him instead, shoulder to shoulder, arms pressed close. whatever the reason is for that brief moment of hesitation, jeff doesn't want to do anything worsen whatever it is david's thinking or feeling.
he puts a hand on david's leg, squeezes lightly. leans a little bit of his weight against david's arm, looks at his hand a little above david's knee. quietly, his voice a little bit gravelly around the edges, he asks ]
[ stupid, considerate jeff. david simultaneous appreciates and resents the way jeff slips out of his grip to sit next to him, though he doesn't fight him about it, loosens his hold so jeff can move freely. and when he's next to him david leans his weight against him with a deep breath and a sigh. ]
Yeah. [ he breathes out a soft, self-conscious laugh, puts his hand over jeff's, little things to make it clear he's not suddenly pulling away. he wants to be here, with jeff, where it's not necessarily safe, but it's quiet and it's just them, for the moment at least. ] I'm not - sure what that was about.
[ if he cared to dig into his feelings, he could probably figure it out, but he's not about to do that. ]
[ thumbing lightly over david's knuckles, jeff tugs his hand free from david's after a moment, but only so he can lift his arm to make room for david to come in closer. he settles his arm back down around his shoulders, slowly stretches his legs out so he's more comfortable. when's the last time he sat down on something that wasn't a fallen log or the hard earth? it feels like it's been an eternity. jeff tries not to think about home to often, but man does he miss his bed.
with his arm draped around david, jeff's fingers brush gently against david's bicep, fingertips dragging lazily back and forth. he makes a soft sound in the back of his throat, something that conveys that he's listening, and that david's moment of hesitation isn't a big deal. he's just as content sitting here in the quiet where they can be alone as he is kissing david. just to be clear, though, he offers some quiet reassurance. ]
It's all right.
[ because it is. jeff's not here to pressure david into anything, whether that's - making out, or talking about whatever's on his mind; he trusts that david will come to him when he's ready, but until then, david's company is more than enough for him.
fingers tapping out a soft, staggered rhythm, jeff wets his lips and tries to find something to talk about, which comes easier with david somehow. ]
You know, [ it's a murmur, because they're close enough that jeff doesn't really need to speak any louder than that. ] There's gotta be a football buried somewhere around here. Basement, maybe. Garage.
[ david only mentioned wanting one once, when jeff asked him what he'd want if he could have anything here, but he was paying attention. ]
[ this is... unusual. aside from maybe some drunk and rowdy affection between friends what feels like several lifetimes ago, david isn't sure he's ever just had someone's arm around him like this. it makes him a little unsure of himself as he leans into it, against jeff's side, like trying to adjust to a new mattress. not necessarily uncomfortable, just different in ways he can't put his finger on. part of him would certainly prefer to be making out right now, hell part of him thinks it's a waste of a bed to just sit there, but there's always going to be beds they can sneak off to. there's not always going to be this moment. ]
[ it's hard not to be embarrassed, but once again jeff proves himself to be safe, and david finds himself relaxing bit by bit, soothed by the fingertips on his arm. ]
Yeah? [ he has to take a moment to figure out why that's something jeff would even think of and then he chuckles, low and quiet. ] Could have a look. [ ... ] Later.
[ for jeff, intimacy like this isn't exactly new to him, but it's certainly been a while since he's just - sat with someone, at least like this. even before he got dragged into the fog, he hadn't really been seeing anyone, content with being on his own and never eager to really rush into anything, but just kind of existing with david feels easy. or, easier than he would have expected, anyway. he's still kind of unsure of what they're doing, what this new thing is, but he's also in no rush to define it, either. he likes kissing david, and he likes david's company (maybe more than he enjoys the company of most others), and they understand each other on certain levels. and that's all that really matters, at the moment.
david's quiet laugh makes jeff smile a little. he gently squeezes david's arm for a moment, then returns to ghosting random, aimless patterns against his sleeve. after a few moments of mostly comfortable silence, he checks in again, just to be sure, idly rubbing his fingers against his left eye. ]
[ jeff has always been easy for david to relax around — maybe because he's never found the man's height or (awkwardness masquerading as) aloof nature intimidating, if anything he was the first person to show up in their age bracket who felt relatable in any way — and as weird, for lack of a better word, as he feels in this moment that fact still applies. ]
Yeah. [ he lifts a hand to jeff's cheek, a light attempt to coax him down into a kiss. ] I'm sure.
[ fortunately, it doesn't take much to convince jeff. if david says he's okay, then jeff trusts that he's telling the truth, or at least as much of the truth as he can manage at the moment. if david wants a kiss, then jeff isn't going to deprive him of one, especially not when they're free to do so without having to worry too much about being found.
what's michael gonna do if he creeps upstairs and finds two grown men making out on a shabby bed? kill them? he's certainly not going to tell anyone, which is really kind of the bigger concern.
so jeff is easily coaxed, and he leans down even though the angle is slightly awkward with the both of them sitting side by side, and he catches david's mouth with his own, soft and gentle, his other hand drifting to touch the back of david's hand at his cheek. ]
[ david does what he can to make the angle a little more agreeable, sits up straighter, turns his body a little more toward jeff's. lets out a sigh that's both relieved and happy with this, feeling a little like he could just sit here and kiss jeff for hours. which is unusual for him (and probably not true in practice,) but it's been a long time since anybody caught his attention this way. ]
[ jeff does his part in shifting around too to make things easier for the both of them, tilting slightly in between each slow and lazy kiss until the strain is pretty minimal. his hand drifts from the back of david's, skimming down over the back of his wrist to his elbow, and then up to his shoulder. from there, he lightly brushes his knuckles against the side of david's neck, grazing the bottom of his ear just briefly in the process of guiding his palm to the back of his neck.
david's earlier blip of hesitation is still at the back of jeff's mind, so he's cautious of coming on too quickly or too aggressively, but eventually he breaks away for a moment, keeping close enough so that when he murmurs, his lips brush david's. ]
Come here?
[ the hand at the back of david's neck slides a bit, passing in between david's shoulder before drifting back up, and only if david allows him and is willing, he attempts to help him over and into his lap. ]
[ god, he's never going to get sick of jeff's hands on him, the way the warmth of them seeps into his skin with those gentle touches. every time his fingers skim over skin rather than clothing david feels his skin heat up and the tingle of goosebumps left in their wake. ]
[ --and then jeff asks him to move and his brain stalls the moment he realises what's being asked exactly, hesitating again because he's never... done... that. before. he's not giving jeff an opportunity to stop hom this time though. once the moment passes, david swings a leg over jeff's lap and smiles down at him once he's settled. it's deeply strange for him right now, but david can't say he has any complaints either. ]
[ like the first time, jeff catches that brief little pause as david hesitates. he almost says something, opens his mouth to tell david he doesn't have to do anything he doesn't want to and that he's perfectly content to stay exactly as they are if david's more comfortable that way - but david moves before he can get a word out, and jeff's attention shifts toward helping him up and over, helping him settle.
for jeff, this is also - a little more intimate than he's used to, if he's honest with himself, or at least more intimate than he's been with anyone in quite a long time, so it's strange to him too, even though he's the one who initiated it. but like most instances in which he feels a little awkward, he powers through it.
instead of diving right back into kissing david, jeff decides to give them both a little bit of time to adjust. he smiles faintly back at him, and shifts minimally to get more comfortable with david's weight in his lap. idly, he puts his hands at the outside of david's knees, thumbs smoothing over his kneecaps for a moment, but they only linger there for a moment before they're moving again. carefully, almost like he's wary of spooking david, he catches his right wrist and gently turns his arm outward so he can see the tattoo on his forearm.
until now, he's never really been afforded the opportunity to look at david's tattoos up close. jeff knows what they are, but like this, without the threat of death or someone to catch his gaze lingering for perhaps a little too long, he can really take in the detail. lightly, he traces his thumb over the lion's crown. ]
[ david makes a small, almost silent noise of surprise when jeff takes his wrist, holds his breath for a second like that'll stop jeff from feeling the way his pulse is racing. he shifts his weight a little, trying to get comfortable — it's harder than he would've expected not to feel self-conscious like this, up here. especially when jeff doesn't dive right back into kissing like he expected. ]
[ he watches jeff inspect his tattoo. gently, after some moments, lifts a hand to push some hair out of his face and tuck it behind his ear. he's wanted to do that a lot, now david thinks about it, when he's seen jeff working on something and some of his hair falls in his face. he grazes his knuckles down the side of jeff's face while he's focused, traces his thumb lightly over the curve of his bottom lip. his own expression thoughtful like he's never fully considered jeff's face before. ]
[ jeff's focused, but he's not so far engaged in tracing the shape of david's tattoo that he misses david's hands on him. when david brushes jeff's hair out of his face, tucks it behind his ear, jeff pauses for a beat, his hand stilling and his eyes flicking up. he says nothing, but he looks at david with this quiet, vague sort of wonder for a moment, like he's surprised by the gesture, but not displeased. it's just - new. no one's ever done that to him before.
jeff drops his gaze again, shifting his attention back to the ink on david's forearm, his thumb tracing some of the softer line work, the shading that someone obviously took their time with. it's a beautiful piece of work, and jeff absently wonders what the significance is behind it, if there's any significance at all. god knows he's got tattoos that mean shit all - but he's also got some that are important to him, too.
when david ghosts his knuckles against jeff's cheek, jeff doesn't pull away. instead, he almost leans into the touch without even really thinking about it, gently nudging his jaw against david's fingers. when that thumb passes over his lower lip, jeff doesn't exactly kiss the pad of it, but he leans his mouth into it subtly, all while keeping his eyes on david's arm, on his own hands as he maps out all the lines of ink and the strong muscle underneath.
when he does finally say something, his voice is low, a little gravelly and stuck between a whisper and a murmur. ]
Was this one first? [ jeff taps two of his fingers against the back of david's right arm, glancing up to look him in the eye. after a second, he moves one of his hands, and very softly catches a knuckle under the edge of david's jaw, gently trying to coax him into turning his head a bit to expose the rose hidden behind his ear. ] Or this one?
[ the way jeff looks at him makes david's breath catch in his throat for a brief moment, only finding it again when his gaze falls back to his tattoo. his own expression is quiet, thoughtful, fond at the way he nudges into david's touch. he is becoming extremely endeared to this man very fast, he realises, but the curl of his knuckle under david's jaw chases that worry away as he turns his head for jeff. ]
Rose were first. [ he tilts his head a little, eyes hooded as he looks at jeff out the corner of them. ] When I got serious about rugby. Thought I was gonna go pro.
[ that last bit he says with a smirk pulling at his lips, amused, but a little sad the way you only can be thinking about the things in life you've fucked up. ]
[ as david replies, jeff flicks his gaze away from the side of his neck to look him in the eye for a moment, a silent gesture to let him know that he's listening, and also that he's genuinely interested. when he glances back to the tattoo tucked away behind david's ear, he shifts his hand from the line of his jaw so he can trace the stem of the rose with the pad of his thumb.
he's not unfamiliar with the emblem, but he'd never really been able to place it properly until now. jeff feels a little bit stupid about it, honestly, because it's not the first time david's mentioned that he used to play rugby and it probably won't be the last, but jeff never made the connection between the two. he passes his thumb over a petal, then lets his hand fall away.
curiously, he tilts his head a little, leaning to look at david again. ]
What stopped you?
[ david's built for rugby. with the way he moves in trials, there's no doubt that he would have gone pro. that he should have gone pro, and jeff can't imagine that david would have given that up unless he was forced to stop playing. david just doesn't seem like the type to give up if there's chance he can make something work.
but, you know. maybe it was out of david's hands. jeff's eyebrows pinch slightly, and he makes a small, vague gesture at their surroundings with one hand. ]
This?
[ getting dragged to hell to be a never-ending dinner show for some eldritch horror? jeff doubts it, but you never know. he drops his hand again, his palm settling over one of david's knees. ]
[ he never expects anyone here to really catch that it's england rugby's emblem on his neck, even if the entity is extremely intent on making sure david never forgets that he fucked up his shot at a career he would've loved — christmas sweater, halloween tank, training jacket. he also doesn't expect the question, most people who don't know just assume some kind of injury or something. the sort of think that's ended innumerable athlete's careers before they started. ]
[ it shoots him back to the night he arrived in the fog, the man in the pub who wouldn't let it lie no matter how many times david asked him to leave it alone — what did that referee call you that upset you so much? — again and again. david shakes his head and shrugs, dismissive. it's no big deal. ] Just didn't work out.
[ he dips his head, noses lightly at jeff and presses a couple of kisses to his face; his cheek, the corner of his mouth, far more interested in that than in talking about himself. about his incredible ability to ruin his own life despite being born in a world with no shortage of opportunity. those are miserable thoughts and he'd rather not focus on them, not right now, with jeff right here under him. smooths his hands down the sides of his neck, past his collar to rest on his chest as if to confirm that fact for himself. ]
[ probably not for the first time with david, jeff gets the sense he's approaching a subject he shouldn't really push on. in hindsight, he maybe shouldn't have asked - if someone was about to make it big at something they obviously really enjoy, and it all fell through, well. jeff imagines it's probably not something david wants to think about.
jeff feels bad for prodding at all, but before he can get too awkward or anxious over it, david leans in peppers a couple kisses across his face. jeff exhales quietly through his nose, easily distracted at the moment by david's closeness and the warmth of his hands as they slide against his neck, settle on his chest. he makes a small sound in the back of his throat without even really noticing it, just a quick, low, contented note. his hands at david's knees drift a little, skimming up along the outside of david's legs, stopping about midway up. he likes feeling david's weight against him, whether he's just leaning, or seated in his lap, he's decided.
jeff takes one of his hands off of david's thigh and reaches up to squeeze one of his wrists where his hands are resting against his chest. from there, he moves again. hooks two fingers in the collar of david's shirt, lazily smooths his knuckles across the subtle rise of his clavicle underneath, and then gives his shirt collar a gentle tug as if wordlessly asking him to come closer so he can kiss him properly, even though david's already close enough. ]
Edited (maybe let's not start every sentence with jeff.) 2023-01-12 01:58 (UTC)
[ it doesn't help that david feels especially exposed up here, placed up on high and seen. he's not especially forthcoming about the details of his life at the best of times, but right now, like this, it's too much. ]
[ he practically chases after that noise jeff makes though, already searching out his lips for a kiss before that tug on his collar makes him shift closer, draping an arm over jeff's shoulder as he (a little awkwardly, there's no need to talk about it) shifts himself on jeff's lap to pull himself forward, body as flush to jeff's as he can make it. his other hand moving back up to his neck, bracing under his chin to tilt his head up so david can kiss him properly. ]
[ if jeff notices any awkwardness in the way david shifts, he doesn't say anything about it - it'd be hypocritical of him anyway, considering he's at least somewhat awkward pretty much all of the time.
he keeps his hands light on david as he moves, just so he doesn't get in the way of anything, and when david finally settles again, so close that they're touching in more places than they're not, jeff lets his hands drift a little again, broad palms sliding up along the outside of david's legs up to his hips. they stop at david's waist, fingers flexing a little when he tilts jeff's chin up, and when david leans down to kiss him, jeff leans up just a little to meet him. jeff's used to being at least a little bit taller than the majority of people he knows, but in his lap, david's slightly taller. having to look up to kiss someone is different, but right now he can't say that he minds it.
jeff kisses david slowly, not quite lazy but definitely not in any kind of rush, and when he moves his hands from david's waist to his lower back, his fingers unintentionally slide under the hem against warm skin. ]
[ david makes a quiet, pleased noise at the touch of jeff's fingers on his skin, like he hasn't had those hands on him a million times before. but those were different — bloodied fingers patching up wounds, hauling him off the ground and taking his weight, check ins to make sure he's good to keep going, shoving him out the exit gate — and it almost strikes him how little he's touched or been touched by anybody these past years for reasons that weren't either trial related or some desperate seeking of a distraction. ]
[ he drapes an arm over jeff's shoulder, brings his hand to the back of jeff's neck where he can lightly skim his fingers up and down the skin, his other hand moving from where it is at jeff's jaw to cradle the side of his face. touch gentle, but firm and deliberate at the same time. ]
[ emboldened by the positive note david hums against his mouth, jeff exhales through his nose and deliberately puts his hands the rest of the way underneath david's shirt, fingers splaying wide against his back. there's something about david that makes jeff want to memorize him - the shape of him, the warmth of his skin, the subtle shift of muscle and bone, the way he moves. david makes jeff want to know him so well that he could recreate him in any medium from memory alone.
slow, like he's painting out a mental map, jeff glides his hands up the length of david's back, shirt gathering up around his wrists as he kisses him. he catches his bottom lip between his own, swipes his tongue almost tentatively against it, and when he drags his hands back down, he pulls them forward a bit, following the shape of david's rib cage around to the front until he's holding his sides, thumbs stroking short, soft lines alone the ridges of his bottom ribs.
something about sneaking away to go and make out makes jeff feel— not young, but younger. takes him back to when life felt a little easier. never easy, but anything before the fog seems like a walk in the park in comparison. getting distracted like this is dangerous and maybe a little reckless, especially considering where they've sneaked off to, but jeff hasn't forgotten the risk. he's just - weighed it against the reward, and found that the reward is worth whatever might happen to him if they get caught. maybe not so much if david gets caught up in michael's bullshit too, but jeff doesn't intend to let him.
that's nothing he wants to think about though, when there are much nicer things to occupy his mind with. like the way david's chest expands under his hands with every breath, and how the weight of him in his lap isn't heavy, but solid and real. grounding, in a way jeff can't really properly describe. like the way his fingers ghost against the nape of jeff's neck, sending a small shiver racing down the length of his spine. the way their mouths fit together. a million things he wants to immortalize in rough lines and bold, thick stripes of color.
jeff pulls away somewhat suddenly, just a fraction. just enough so he can tilt his chin down and take a deep breath, just a bit overwhelmed for a moment by how much he likes david. he wets his lips, forehead lightly bumping against david's brow just briefly, but he only needs a second. he exhales slow and easy, turns his head slightly so he can kiss the high point of david's cheek, then the soft bit of skin by his ear. the edge of his jaw, then just beneath at the slope of his throat. ]
[ david's own thoughts aren't nearly so poetic, even if they lean in the same direction, all he knows is an overwhelming feeling that he needs to touch this man. that he needs to be as close to him as possible to soak up every moment they have here. the threat of michael might be a distant thought in the back of his mind at this point — not forgotten, merely unimportant in comparison — but the awareness that their time is limited is loud and clear. ]
[ muffled though, by the sensation of jeff's hands travelling up his back, around his sides. david's no stranger to having his body appreciated, to hands on him that border on worship in their touch, but this feels different. or maybe he's just biased. maybe it's just that something about the slow, thoughtful way jeff touches him makes him want to feel less like an object-- a prize for somebody else's consumption. not... that he necessarily objects to that, but he feels those hands broad and warm on his sides, thumbs along his ribs, and his breathing stops completely for a moment because the word that flits through his mind is adored and that might be more terrifying than anything he's encountered in the fog. ]
[ the thought of chasing that feeling scares him shitless for a million different reasons, and he feels a little like he's going insane. fuck that, a lot like he's going insane. who gets like this after kissing someone a few times? ]
[ when jeff pulls away, david's breath comes out shakily, simultaneously relieved and already missing the slot of their mouths together. he closes his eyes and takes a breath like that'll help, but before he's even finished he feels lips on his cheek, his jaw. already tiling his head to encourage jeff when he's at his throat and pushing his hand up into his hair, holding the back of his head, a quiet gasp slipping out of him that he can't even find it in himself to be embarrassed by. ]
[ it's probably not very much of a secret by now that jeff... likes it when david puts his hands in his hair. he hasn't made much of an effort to hide it, and he doesn't bother now either, his hands flexing against david's sides when he slides his fingers into his hair, his breath hot against david's pulse. that soft little gasp, though - that hits him kind of unexpectedly, in a good way. jeff files that away with all the other little sounds david's made, however few, over the course of - well, whatever this is.
there's a tiny voice in the back of jeff's head telling him that he's already in too deep with this man, that he shouldn't be thinking about david in terms of art or committing the shape of him underneath his hands to memory. the way he smirks when he's teasing, the tension in his jaw when he's determined or angry or both, the way his voice gets a little rougher at the edges when he's had enough for one day. they've only kissed a handful of times, but it already feels like there aren't enough canvases in the world to capture all of the things jeff likes about him. all of the things he'd want to remember, if the entity chose to show them a little mercy when they finally found a way out of this place.
but maybe it's not too much - maybe it just feels that way because he doesn't have to hide his adoration away in the pages of an old sketchbook, or in the gentle application of bandages and medical tape, wishing he could do more, or in subtle, silent glances when david's pushing his limits and they both know it, but they also know he's the only thing holding everyone together when the odds seem slim to none. maybe it just feels like a lot because it's all at the forefront instead of pushed away and buried somewhere in the back of his mind.
he can't let himself get too far into his own head. if he does, he's bound to fuck this up. make it weird or awkward or uncomfortable, and while that's kind of par for the course for him on a good day, he's not interested in ruining things so quickly.
swallowing quietly, jeff wets his lips and noses at david's throat where his pulse is, fingers flexing again against his sides. he exhales slowly through his mouth, brushes a kiss against the same spot he nosed at. presses another one an inch below that, beard bristling against thin skin. his hands cradling david's rib cage move idly, almost of their own accord, drifting lower to his waist again before they push back and meet in the middle at the bottom of david's spine, fingers linking together and holding him close.
when the lazy peppering of kisses dips low enough to david's shirt collar, jeff doesn't go any further than that - but he does shift, ghosting another kiss over the hollow of his throat before starting another path up the other side of david's neck. ]
[ david arches just a little against jeff, fingertips scraping lightly over his scalp as he tilts his head however he needs to to keep jeff on his neck. when he focuses on that sensation, on jeff's lips and the tickle of his beard and the exploration of his hands, he can dull the roar of panic in his mind to a dull whisper. focus instead on the way he adores the way his hair feels between his fingers or how feels like he's steadily getting warmer and warmer-- ]
Hold-- [ he clears his throat ] hold on.
[ he pulls back enough to pull off his shirt and drop it next to them on the bed. now they may resume. ]
[ david's voice doesn't necessarily startle jeff, but it does make his heart skip a beat for a moment. immediately, he assumes something's wrong, his fingers at david's back unlinking slightly so there's room for david to get away, get some space if that's what he needs. when david sits back, jeff pointedly ignores the dull, guilty twist in his stomach, focused entirely on david instead.
for whatever reason, david's next move is not one jeff expects - but not one he can he's not very into, either. his eyebrows lift slightly when david starts pulling off his shirt, hands moving off of him to get out of the way and make it that much easier. it's not the first time jeff's seen him without a shirt, and even if they weren't tangled up in whatever this new thing is, it probably wouldn't be the last, either, with how often he turns up in trial without one.
but it feels different. it feels deliberate, significant. jeff wouldn't go so far as to say it's for him, but there's a difference between turning up in a trial without a shirt in front of four other people, and taking it off on purpose in front of just one. there's a difference between wandering off into the woods to go blow off some steam by working out, keeping cool without a shirt - and this.
jeff smiles faintly at david, and the first thing he looks at is not david's newly bared torso, but his eyes. partly checking in to make sure he's all right, and partly just because jeff likes them. when his hands settle back on david again, he puts one of them back over the dip of david's spine and brings the other one up to gently cup the side of his neck, thumb tucked beside the hinge of his jaw. jeff leans in to kiss him softly, light and brief, and when he pulls away again, he skims his hand down from david's neck. ghosts his fingertips along a collar bone, thumbs at the hollow of his throat. spreads his fingers and pulls his palm down to the center of david's chest where he just... stops.
it's too much to say that he's fascinated with the proof of life under his palm - the rise and fall of david's chest as he breathes, the dull but present heartbeat, maybe a little quicker than david expects - but it's easy for him to get distracted by it. comforted by it, even.
jeff looks up again, takes a breath of his own, because he hadn't realized he'd stopped for a moment. he offers another one of those ghosts of a smile and tilts his chin up for a kiss. ]
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hardlydead) wrote2021-11-01 05:44 am
no subject
with david's hands still on him, jeff has no choice but to follow him down, putting a knee up beside him to brace his weight on as david shifts backwards toward the opposite end of the bed, lightly brushing a kiss against his cheek again. when he settles though, he carefully eases himself out of david's grip and tilts his weight, shifting so he winds up sitting beside him instead, shoulder to shoulder, arms pressed close. whatever the reason is for that brief moment of hesitation, jeff doesn't want to do anything worsen whatever it is david's thinking or feeling.
he puts a hand on david's leg, squeezes lightly. leans a little bit of his weight against david's arm, looks at his hand a little above david's knee. quietly, his voice a little bit gravelly around the edges, he asks ]
Okay?
no subject
Yeah. [ he breathes out a soft, self-conscious laugh, puts his hand over jeff's, little things to make it clear he's not suddenly pulling away. he wants to be here, with jeff, where it's not necessarily safe, but it's quiet and it's just them, for the moment at least. ] I'm not - sure what that was about.
[ if he cared to dig into his feelings, he could probably figure it out, but he's not about to do that. ]
no subject
with his arm draped around david, jeff's fingers brush gently against david's bicep, fingertips dragging lazily back and forth. he makes a soft sound in the back of his throat, something that conveys that he's listening, and that david's moment of hesitation isn't a big deal. he's just as content sitting here in the quiet where they can be alone as he is kissing david. just to be clear, though, he offers some quiet reassurance. ]
It's all right.
[ because it is. jeff's not here to pressure david into anything, whether that's - making out, or talking about whatever's on his mind; he trusts that david will come to him when he's ready, but until then, david's company is more than enough for him.
fingers tapping out a soft, staggered rhythm, jeff wets his lips and tries to find something to talk about, which comes easier with david somehow. ]
You know, [ it's a murmur, because they're close enough that jeff doesn't really need to speak any louder than that. ] There's gotta be a football buried somewhere around here. Basement, maybe. Garage.
[ david only mentioned wanting one once, when jeff asked him what he'd want if he could have anything here, but he was paying attention. ]
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[ it's hard not to be embarrassed, but once again jeff proves himself to be safe, and david finds himself relaxing bit by bit, soothed by the fingertips on his arm. ]
Yeah? [ he has to take a moment to figure out why that's something jeff would even think of and then he chuckles, low and quiet. ] Could have a look. [ ... ] Later.
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david's quiet laugh makes jeff smile a little. he gently squeezes david's arm for a moment, then returns to ghosting random, aimless patterns against his sleeve. after a few moments of mostly comfortable silence, he checks in again, just to be sure, idly rubbing his fingers against his left eye. ]
You sure you're all right?
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Yeah. [ he lifts a hand to jeff's cheek, a light attempt to coax him down into a kiss. ] I'm sure.
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what's michael gonna do if he creeps upstairs and finds two grown men making out on a shabby bed? kill them? he's certainly not going to tell anyone, which is really kind of the bigger concern.
so jeff is easily coaxed, and he leans down even though the angle is slightly awkward with the both of them sitting side by side, and he catches david's mouth with his own, soft and gentle, his other hand drifting to touch the back of david's hand at his cheek. ]
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david's earlier blip of hesitation is still at the back of jeff's mind, so he's cautious of coming on too quickly or too aggressively, but eventually he breaks away for a moment, keeping close enough so that when he murmurs, his lips brush david's. ]
Come here?
[ the hand at the back of david's neck slides a bit, passing in between david's shoulder before drifting back up, and only if david allows him and is willing, he attempts to help him over and into his lap. ]
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[ --and then jeff asks him to move and his brain stalls the moment he realises what's being asked exactly, hesitating again because he's never... done... that. before. he's not giving jeff an opportunity to stop hom this time though. once the moment passes, david swings a leg over jeff's lap and smiles down at him once he's settled. it's deeply strange for him right now, but david can't say he has any complaints either. ]
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for jeff, this is also - a little more intimate than he's used to, if he's honest with himself, or at least more intimate than he's been with anyone in quite a long time, so it's strange to him too, even though he's the one who initiated it. but like most instances in which he feels a little awkward, he powers through it.
instead of diving right back into kissing david, jeff decides to give them both a little bit of time to adjust. he smiles faintly back at him, and shifts minimally to get more comfortable with david's weight in his lap. idly, he puts his hands at the outside of david's knees, thumbs smoothing over his kneecaps for a moment, but they only linger there for a moment before they're moving again. carefully, almost like he's wary of spooking david, he catches his right wrist and gently turns his arm outward so he can see the tattoo on his forearm.
until now, he's never really been afforded the opportunity to look at david's tattoos up close. jeff knows what they are, but like this, without the threat of death or someone to catch his gaze lingering for perhaps a little too long, he can really take in the detail. lightly, he traces his thumb over the lion's crown. ]
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[ he watches jeff inspect his tattoo. gently, after some moments, lifts a hand to push some hair out of his face and tuck it behind his ear. he's wanted to do that a lot, now david thinks about it, when he's seen jeff working on something and some of his hair falls in his face. he grazes his knuckles down the side of jeff's face while he's focused, traces his thumb lightly over the curve of his bottom lip. his own expression thoughtful like he's never fully considered jeff's face before. ]
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jeff drops his gaze again, shifting his attention back to the ink on david's forearm, his thumb tracing some of the softer line work, the shading that someone obviously took their time with. it's a beautiful piece of work, and jeff absently wonders what the significance is behind it, if there's any significance at all. god knows he's got tattoos that mean shit all - but he's also got some that are important to him, too.
when david ghosts his knuckles against jeff's cheek, jeff doesn't pull away. instead, he almost leans into the touch without even really thinking about it, gently nudging his jaw against david's fingers. when that thumb passes over his lower lip, jeff doesn't exactly kiss the pad of it, but he leans his mouth into it subtly, all while keeping his eyes on david's arm, on his own hands as he maps out all the lines of ink and the strong muscle underneath.
when he does finally say something, his voice is low, a little gravelly and stuck between a whisper and a murmur. ]
Was this one first? [ jeff taps two of his fingers against the back of david's right arm, glancing up to look him in the eye. after a second, he moves one of his hands, and very softly catches a knuckle under the edge of david's jaw, gently trying to coax him into turning his head a bit to expose the rose hidden behind his ear. ] Or this one?
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Rose were first. [ he tilts his head a little, eyes hooded as he looks at jeff out the corner of them. ] When I got serious about rugby. Thought I was gonna go pro.
[ that last bit he says with a smirk pulling at his lips, amused, but a little sad the way you only can be thinking about the things in life you've fucked up. ]
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he's not unfamiliar with the emblem, but he'd never really been able to place it properly until now. jeff feels a little bit stupid about it, honestly, because it's not the first time david's mentioned that he used to play rugby and it probably won't be the last, but jeff never made the connection between the two. he passes his thumb over a petal, then lets his hand fall away.
curiously, he tilts his head a little, leaning to look at david again. ]
What stopped you?
[ david's built for rugby. with the way he moves in trials, there's no doubt that he would have gone pro. that he should have gone pro, and jeff can't imagine that david would have given that up unless he was forced to stop playing. david just doesn't seem like the type to give up if there's chance he can make something work.
but, you know. maybe it was out of david's hands. jeff's eyebrows pinch slightly, and he makes a small, vague gesture at their surroundings with one hand. ]
This?
[ getting dragged to hell to be a never-ending dinner show for some eldritch horror? jeff doubts it, but you never know. he drops his hand again, his palm settling over one of david's knees. ]
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[ it shoots him back to the night he arrived in the fog, the man in the pub who wouldn't let it lie no matter how many times david asked him to leave it alone — what did that referee call you that upset you so much? — again and again. david shakes his head and shrugs, dismissive. it's no big deal. ] Just didn't work out.
[ he dips his head, noses lightly at jeff and presses a couple of kisses to his face; his cheek, the corner of his mouth, far more interested in that than in talking about himself. about his incredible ability to ruin his own life despite being born in a world with no shortage of opportunity. those are miserable thoughts and he'd rather not focus on them, not right now, with jeff right here under him. smooths his hands down the sides of his neck, past his collar to rest on his chest as if to confirm that fact for himself. ]
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jeff feels bad for prodding at all, but before he can get too awkward or anxious over it, david leans in peppers a couple kisses across his face. jeff exhales quietly through his nose, easily distracted at the moment by david's closeness and the warmth of his hands as they slide against his neck, settle on his chest. he makes a small sound in the back of his throat without even really noticing it, just a quick, low, contented note. his hands at david's knees drift a little, skimming up along the outside of david's legs, stopping about midway up. he likes feeling david's weight against him, whether he's just leaning, or seated in his lap, he's decided.
jeff takes one of his hands off of david's thigh and reaches up to squeeze one of his wrists where his hands are resting against his chest. from there, he moves again. hooks two fingers in the collar of david's shirt, lazily smooths his knuckles across the subtle rise of his clavicle underneath, and then gives his shirt collar a gentle tug as if wordlessly asking him to come closer so he can kiss him properly, even though david's already close enough. ]
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[ he practically chases after that noise jeff makes though, already searching out his lips for a kiss before that tug on his collar makes him shift closer, draping an arm over jeff's shoulder as he (a little awkwardly, there's no need to talk about it) shifts himself on jeff's lap to pull himself forward, body as flush to jeff's as he can make it. his other hand moving back up to his neck, bracing under his chin to tilt his head up so david can kiss him properly. ]
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he keeps his hands light on david as he moves, just so he doesn't get in the way of anything, and when david finally settles again, so close that they're touching in more places than they're not, jeff lets his hands drift a little again, broad palms sliding up along the outside of david's legs up to his hips. they stop at david's waist, fingers flexing a little when he tilts jeff's chin up, and when david leans down to kiss him, jeff leans up just a little to meet him. jeff's used to being at least a little bit taller than the majority of people he knows, but in his lap, david's slightly taller. having to look up to kiss someone is different, but right now he can't say that he minds it.
jeff kisses david slowly, not quite lazy but definitely not in any kind of rush, and when he moves his hands from david's waist to his lower back, his fingers unintentionally slide under the hem against warm skin. ]
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[ he drapes an arm over jeff's shoulder, brings his hand to the back of jeff's neck where he can lightly skim his fingers up and down the skin, his other hand moving from where it is at jeff's jaw to cradle the side of his face. touch gentle, but firm and deliberate at the same time. ]
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slow, like he's painting out a mental map, jeff glides his hands up the length of david's back, shirt gathering up around his wrists as he kisses him. he catches his bottom lip between his own, swipes his tongue almost tentatively against it, and when he drags his hands back down, he pulls them forward a bit, following the shape of david's rib cage around to the front until he's holding his sides, thumbs stroking short, soft lines alone the ridges of his bottom ribs.
something about sneaking away to go and make out makes jeff feel— not young, but younger. takes him back to when life felt a little easier. never easy, but anything before the fog seems like a walk in the park in comparison. getting distracted like this is dangerous and maybe a little reckless, especially considering where they've sneaked off to, but jeff hasn't forgotten the risk. he's just - weighed it against the reward, and found that the reward is worth whatever might happen to him if they get caught. maybe not so much if david gets caught up in michael's bullshit too, but jeff doesn't intend to let him.
that's nothing he wants to think about though, when there are much nicer things to occupy his mind with. like the way david's chest expands under his hands with every breath, and how the weight of him in his lap isn't heavy, but solid and real. grounding, in a way jeff can't really properly describe. like the way his fingers ghost against the nape of jeff's neck, sending a small shiver racing down the length of his spine. the way their mouths fit together. a million things he wants to immortalize in rough lines and bold, thick stripes of color.
jeff pulls away somewhat suddenly, just a fraction. just enough so he can tilt his chin down and take a deep breath, just a bit overwhelmed for a moment by how much he likes david. he wets his lips, forehead lightly bumping against david's brow just briefly, but he only needs a second. he exhales slow and easy, turns his head slightly so he can kiss the high point of david's cheek, then the soft bit of skin by his ear. the edge of his jaw, then just beneath at the slope of his throat. ]
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[ muffled though, by the sensation of jeff's hands travelling up his back, around his sides. david's no stranger to having his body appreciated, to hands on him that border on worship in their touch, but this feels different. or maybe he's just biased. maybe it's just that something about the slow, thoughtful way jeff touches him makes him want to feel less like an object-- a prize for somebody else's consumption. not... that he necessarily objects to that, but he feels those hands broad and warm on his sides, thumbs along his ribs, and his breathing stops completely for a moment because the word that flits through his mind is adored and that might be more terrifying than anything he's encountered in the fog. ]
[ the thought of chasing that feeling scares him shitless for a million different reasons, and he feels a little like he's going insane. fuck that, a lot like he's going insane. who gets like this after kissing someone a few times? ]
[ when jeff pulls away, david's breath comes out shakily, simultaneously relieved and already missing the slot of their mouths together. he closes his eyes and takes a breath like that'll help, but before he's even finished he feels lips on his cheek, his jaw. already tiling his head to encourage jeff when he's at his throat and pushing his hand up into his hair, holding the back of his head, a quiet gasp slipping out of him that he can't even find it in himself to be embarrassed by. ]
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there's a tiny voice in the back of jeff's head telling him that he's already in too deep with this man, that he shouldn't be thinking about david in terms of art or committing the shape of him underneath his hands to memory. the way he smirks when he's teasing, the tension in his jaw when he's determined or angry or both, the way his voice gets a little rougher at the edges when he's had enough for one day. they've only kissed a handful of times, but it already feels like there aren't enough canvases in the world to capture all of the things jeff likes about him. all of the things he'd want to remember, if the entity chose to show them a little mercy when they finally found a way out of this place.
but maybe it's not too much - maybe it just feels that way because he doesn't have to hide his adoration away in the pages of an old sketchbook, or in the gentle application of bandages and medical tape, wishing he could do more, or in subtle, silent glances when david's pushing his limits and they both know it, but they also know he's the only thing holding everyone together when the odds seem slim to none. maybe it just feels like a lot because it's all at the forefront instead of pushed away and buried somewhere in the back of his mind.
he can't let himself get too far into his own head. if he does, he's bound to fuck this up. make it weird or awkward or uncomfortable, and while that's kind of par for the course for him on a good day, he's not interested in ruining things so quickly.
swallowing quietly, jeff wets his lips and noses at david's throat where his pulse is, fingers flexing again against his sides. he exhales slowly through his mouth, brushes a kiss against the same spot he nosed at. presses another one an inch below that, beard bristling against thin skin. his hands cradling david's rib cage move idly, almost of their own accord, drifting lower to his waist again before they push back and meet in the middle at the bottom of david's spine, fingers linking together and holding him close.
when the lazy peppering of kisses dips low enough to david's shirt collar, jeff doesn't go any further than that - but he does shift, ghosting another kiss over the hollow of his throat before starting another path up the other side of david's neck. ]
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Hold-- [ he clears his throat ] hold on.
[ he pulls back enough to pull off his shirt and drop it next to them on the bed. now they may resume. ]
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for whatever reason, david's next move is not one jeff expects - but not one he can he's not very into, either. his eyebrows lift slightly when david starts pulling off his shirt, hands moving off of him to get out of the way and make it that much easier. it's not the first time jeff's seen him without a shirt, and even if they weren't tangled up in whatever this new thing is, it probably wouldn't be the last, either, with how often he turns up in trial without one.
but it feels different. it feels deliberate, significant. jeff wouldn't go so far as to say it's for him, but there's a difference between turning up in a trial without a shirt in front of four other people, and taking it off on purpose in front of just one. there's a difference between wandering off into the woods to go blow off some steam by working out, keeping cool without a shirt - and this.
jeff smiles faintly at david, and the first thing he looks at is not david's newly bared torso, but his eyes. partly checking in to make sure he's all right, and partly just because jeff likes them. when his hands settle back on david again, he puts one of them back over the dip of david's spine and brings the other one up to gently cup the side of his neck, thumb tucked beside the hinge of his jaw. jeff leans in to kiss him softly, light and brief, and when he pulls away again, he skims his hand down from david's neck. ghosts his fingertips along a collar bone, thumbs at the hollow of his throat. spreads his fingers and pulls his palm down to the center of david's chest where he just... stops.
it's too much to say that he's fascinated with the proof of life under his palm - the rise and fall of david's chest as he breathes, the dull but present heartbeat, maybe a little quicker than david expects - but it's easy for him to get distracted by it. comforted by it, even.
jeff looks up again, takes a breath of his own, because he hadn't realized he'd stopped for a moment. he offers another one of those ghosts of a smile and tilts his chin up for a kiss. ]
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i hate these idiots
leave them alone they're doing their best
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