[ it's not exactly what he expected jeff to do, and david takes it to mean he still feels like shit. lets him settle and then quietly starts to comb his fingers through jeff's hair, brings his other hand to his chest, touch light as it moves up to his neck where his thumb can brush lightly along his jaw. ]
[ neither of them like to bother people with their feelings, and david respects that, he doesn't pry because he knows he'd get frustrated if the shoe was on the other foot. he'd like it if jeff would though, he thinks. if jeff would tell him when he's frustrated or hurt or whatever, but david would have to do the same in return and that's not easy. for a lot of reasons. ]
[ david sits on that thought for a little, looking down at jeff as he strokes his hair in the quiet. almost a little apologetic when he does speak. ]
It's... It's harder now. When you get hurt. [ he clears his throat ] That's what it is.
[ the urge to drop everything when he knows jeff's in trouble is so strong, so difficult to fight to keep his head on straight. sometimes it's the worst possible thing he could do in the moment, but david thinks he wouldn't care at all if it meant keeping jeff alive and getting him through those doors. but jeff would hate that, if saving him meant putting someone else in danger, and david would hate himself for it too. worse than he does when he feels as though he's failed. ]
[ he doesn't regret this — whatever this is between them — but sometimes david wonders if it wasn't on purpose somehow. some dumb little scheme of the entity's, to reach out a hand with something good, knowing the ways it would inevitably hurt too. but more likely it's just the reality of how things are here. ]
no subject
[ neither of them like to bother people with their feelings, and david respects that, he doesn't pry because he knows he'd get frustrated if the shoe was on the other foot. he'd like it if jeff would though, he thinks. if jeff would tell him when he's frustrated or hurt or whatever, but david would have to do the same in return and that's not easy. for a lot of reasons. ]
[ david sits on that thought for a little, looking down at jeff as he strokes his hair in the quiet. almost a little apologetic when he does speak. ]
It's... It's harder now. When you get hurt. [ he clears his throat ] That's what it is.
[ the urge to drop everything when he knows jeff's in trouble is so strong, so difficult to fight to keep his head on straight. sometimes it's the worst possible thing he could do in the moment, but david thinks he wouldn't care at all if it meant keeping jeff alive and getting him through those doors. but jeff would hate that, if saving him meant putting someone else in danger, and david would hate himself for it too. worse than he does when he feels as though he's failed. ]
[ he doesn't regret this — whatever this is between them — but sometimes david wonders if it wasn't on purpose somehow. some dumb little scheme of the entity's, to reach out a hand with something good, knowing the ways it would inevitably hurt too. but more likely it's just the reality of how things are here. ]