[ david opens his mouth to argue back, but stops for a second when something finally clicks. evan really doesn't understand what the problem is, doesn't get why david's been so pissed or why he gets so pissed whenever evan tries to restrain him or tries to get him to beg or whatever other shit. ]
[ of course, david could concede that he's not exactly helping by never telling evan outright to stop, but he always thought the problem was obvious. apparently not. ]
Because that wasn't what I wanted.
[ david gestures in the direction of the bedroom, a frown on his face as he tries to gather his thoughts enough to explain himself or make some kind of point. considering thinking deeply about his own mental state is about the last thing david wants to do right now it's not easy, but he's trying. ]
It's like you don't understand I'm not after some big, strapping man-- [ distinctly mocking tone as he gestures to evan, though hopefully he gets that it's at the concept and not him. ] to hold me down and fuckin' show me what for, and I don't need to act like this is something it ain't just to feel okay with it.
[ he especially emphasises that second point, because occasionally david gets the feeling he's... unique. among the other survivors evan fucks. that they all seem to need him to shove them around, take control, let them feel like they had no choice but to fuck the big monster. ]
[ david doesn't need that, and there's a million ways he could try and pick the psychology of that apart — because he's never really thought of himself as morally superior. because he's lied to just about every partner he's ever had, even here, so being honest in secret is ironically kind of fitting. because sometimes he feels like the entity must've got it wrong and he should be on their side of things. — but he's not going to do that kind of introspection now or anytime soon. ]
no subject
[ of course, david could concede that he's not exactly helping by never telling evan outright to stop, but he always thought the problem was obvious. apparently not. ]
Because that wasn't what I wanted.
[ david gestures in the direction of the bedroom, a frown on his face as he tries to gather his thoughts enough to explain himself or make some kind of point. considering thinking deeply about his own mental state is about the last thing david wants to do right now it's not easy, but he's trying. ]
It's like you don't understand I'm not after some big, strapping man-- [ distinctly mocking tone as he gestures to evan, though hopefully he gets that it's at the concept and not him. ] to hold me down and fuckin' show me what for, and I don't need to act like this is something it ain't just to feel okay with it.
[ he especially emphasises that second point, because occasionally david gets the feeling he's... unique. among the other survivors evan fucks. that they all seem to need him to shove them around, take control, let them feel like they had no choice but to fuck the big monster. ]
[ david doesn't need that, and there's a million ways he could try and pick the psychology of that apart — because he's never really thought of himself as morally superior. because he's lied to just about every partner he's ever had, even here, so being honest in secret is ironically kind of fitting. because sometimes he feels like the entity must've got it wrong and he should be on their side of things. — but he's not going to do that kind of introspection now or anytime soon. ]