hardlydead | (( them gods gonna hurt you son; when you play with a loaded gun ))

Didn't stop you from tearing 'em up like you tried to tear me up.

[ this conversation exists solely to keep him from going insane, evan thinks. just their usual banter. back and forth. and then david will redress and leave and it'll be like it never happened. just another run-in. just another moment of peace in their little kind-of-a-truce.

and then he'll go insane. more insane, anyway.

the silence drags on a little too long before he finally tips just a little over the edge and shoves david back against the couch with both hands, moving so he's got a leg on either side of david's. he's not sure if he's pissed off or not, but he's hard as hell and this is something that he's not going to be able to deal with himself. ]

[ there's some sort of inane, nothing response rattling around his head when suddenly evan shoves him back before he can get it out. fine by him, honestly. if anything, david's just a little annoyed at himself for not moving first, but then evan's on him and he can feel that he's completely fucking hard and he feels a little less annoyed. clearly this was much more urgent for him. ]

[ he almost laughs just out of pure astonishment, but like always, it's easy enough for david to switch gears. tilts his head up to look at evan and reach for the back of his neck to pull him down closer, his other hand dropping to roughly grope him over his jeans. ]

Enjoyed gettin' to see it for a change, feels like.

[ and isn't that nice? to not have to shy away from what he is and carefully curate himself for the comfort of somebody else? for somebody to see the worst part of him and not just want him in spite of that, but want him more because of it? ]

[ there's always a part of him waiting for david to end this (if he doesn't), and one more time it's shut down by david laughing, and looking at him, both hands on him immediately.

it should piss evan off. and it does, a little. but there's more important things at hand here. ]

Yeah. I did.

[ it's half a growl, his hands already digging into david's chest and shoulder. he knows what it's like to have that violence turned on him, and that's never gotten him going. so it shouldn't have hit him so hard to see it turned on someone else.

too bad that it did. he leans in and the kiss is hard, violent - not dangerous, not actually a threat, but with an edge of desperation. the last few hours have been frustrating to the point of infuriating. he needs a release. david's hand over him is probably going to be too much too fast and he doesn't care. ]

[ david matches that energy, leaning up into the kiss with a matching growl. his fingers dig in briefly where he's holding evan's neck, nails scraping against his skin when he forces himself to let go so he can drop it to meet his other hand at evan's pants. ]

[ part of him thinks he shouldn't be so into this, somebody getting off on the sight of him that unhinged and violent shouldn't be something he feels a need to follow up on, but he also can't find it in himself to care much. might later, as he so often does these days, but in this moment he's focused on trying to get evan's pants undone so he can get his dick out and get a hand around it properly. ]

[ it's probably a bad thing, how hard he is when david finally gets his pants open and pulls him out. just on watching someone else fight like a wild animal the way he does. not even doing it himself, just watching. but there's worse things to like, and it's not as if he doesn't know what it feels like to take that.

he breaks off the kiss to suck in a breath and not let it shudder when both of david's hands are around him. he's not sure what he wants from this, but whatever it is he wants it bad. hard and fast and rough. his own hands don't get far enough down to return the favor for david just yet, instead staying on his skin, nails too short to leave marks but trying anyway as he drags them across david's chest and shoulder.

one gets to his neck and holds there as he pushes his way back into the kiss. that'll keep him from making any seriously bad noises for a while. ]

[ oddly, david's not that bothered about himself. not that this isn't doing anything for him, something's definitely stirring, but there's something about the fact that evan got this turned on from watching him. not even just being turned on, but that he stayed this tightly wound for hours afterward. ]

[ he moves a hand to evan's hip to pull him closer, grip hard like he's afraid evan will try to pull away, a low noise rumbling out of him into the kiss. it doesn't seem like it's going to take a lot to get him off, so david strokes him with a firm hand, resisting the urge to bite at his lips with everything he's got. ]

[ it'd be easy to give in like this. let david get him off over this. he's tempted. but a part of him feels like he'd owe david, then - be in his debt, the unforgivable thing. over a handjob. it seems stupid, but they'd always be out of balance then, and besides, he didn't drag david here just for him to get off.

(that first blowjob is different, somehow. he'll never really be able to figure out why.)

he growls against the kiss, hips jerking into david's hands, but he manages to get one hand of his own on david's wrist and squeezes. ]

Get your dick out.

[ well far be it from him to deny such a request, even if he has to stop himself from laughing at how sudden and intense it was. if evan feel that badly that he wants to touch him, it's hard to say no to that. david might not be feeling overly invested in his own orgasms right now, but that doesn't mean he has any interest in denying himself either. ]

[ unfortunately he has to take both hands off evan to do it, but david at least makes quick work of opening his pants and pulling himself free, giving himself a few quick pumps to help get him the rest of the way up. ]

[ it's enough. even the momentary loss of touch is fine. he drops a hand down to david as soon as he's out, fingers locking between his, getting the touch, the friction. grinding up against him, trying to get as close as possible.

if he thought about this he'd be furious, so it's lucky for him his brain is fully preoccupied. some slowly-unburied part of him wants a lot more than what he's getting, and that's what pushes him further into david's lap until he can't get any closer. the one free hand grips the back of david's neck, digs fingers up into his hair as the kiss turns into half making out and half a fight, all teeth and violence.

it feels like nothing new and something completely new at the same time. he doesn't focus on it. he's got other priorities. ]

[ something about this sends a few sparks firing up david's spine. he arches and bites back, drags his teeth against evan's bottom lip and pushes a hand back over evan's hip around to his back to keep him close. ]

[ his restraint slips away at the feel of evan's hand, fingers digging in against his back as he shifts forward on the couch. normally he wouldn't try this kind of thing with evan, but part of that fire from earlier is burning again and he surges, wrapping his around around evan to try and lift him just enough to turn them and put his back on the couch where he can fully put his weight into this. ]

[ david moves a little too fast for him to stop, and then evan's the one on his back on the couch. that surprises him, almost wakes him up from this, and it makes him fight - breaking off the kiss to grit his teeth and snarl some wordless argument, the hand on david's neck digging in hard and pulling at him - but it doesn't last very long.

because now david's leaning against him to put weight and pressure against his grip, their grip. it's enough to distract him fast. it shouldn't be that easy, to make him forget he's on his back with david fucking king between his legs, but he can still smell blood and see the fight on the back of his eyes.

again: it's too hard to focus on anything else. ]

[ the little bit of fight from evan only riles him up more, something held over from earlier maybe, something that makes him shift his weight between evan's legs to bear down harder. he puts his arm down by evan's head and breathes out harshly into the space between them, rolling his hips down into their hands, grinding against evan. ]

[ what else is he supposed to do here? really try to fight? that's not going to fly. no, he's only got one option, and that's to get off harder than he has in a long time, only just about managing to restrain the noise he makes through force of will and the violent kiss. his knees clamp against david's sides; his hand tightens, the grip almost dangerous except he manages to loosen it before he comes back to himself.

fuck, but that was bad, he manages to think as the haze clears. bad in a good way. bad in a way that makes him embarrassed, not anxious or really angry. fortunately he's burned out enough that it doesn't show. probably. ]

[ he's finding something like a rhythm, it's hard and fast and messy and he's almost thrusting into that space like he's actually fucking someone. he's partway through thinking about reaching for evan's thigh so he can angle this a little better and really press him down into the couch when those same thighs are tight at his sides and evan's grip around them is too tight for a moment and for a second david's overwhelmed — he didn't expect evan to come that hard or that fast. ]

-- Holy shit.

[ it's equal parts astonished and turned on, murmured against evan's lips. normally david would be satisfied with this, but somebody insisted he get his cock out and now david's the one who's hard as hell. ]

[ he slips his hand away from evan's so he can just get himself in hand to finish off, otherwise he doesn't move. still kissing evan as long as he'll allow it. it shouldn't take long, not when that was one of the hottest things he's experienced in a while. ]

[ it would have been manageable if david hadn't said something. evan grits his teeth and glowers at david, although it's a lot weaker than normal. ]

Shut the fuck up.

[ he doesn't let go of david - he's going to be part of finishing this off whether david wants him to be or not. sure, maybe his grip's not as firm as it was because there's still shuddering reaching his extremities, but it's there. he makes goddamned sure his fingers are caught between david's as this picks up.

the kiss on his end is almost as fierce as before, but with some obvious dropoff. not intentional. just too burned to the edges to keep it going as strong as david is. ]

[ there's a brief grin on his lips when evan tells him to shut up, but he doesn't say anything else, he didn't even mean to say that in the first place. ]

[ it doesn't take long, it's always faster than he expects with evan, both their hands on him is a lot right now even if evan's grip is weaker than before. he rocks into their shared grip a last time, a shudder running through him as he comes. ]

[ it hits him a little differently - a little more literally - now that he's the one against the couch. that this is a thing they're doing. that he's the one who all but dragged david over here for this and got off first, hard and fast. the embarrassment's still clinging to him but he won't show it.

the easier-to-focus-on problem is his shirt. which now has more than just his own traces on it. and he doesn't have an extra. he probably should have kept some here. just in case. he considers punching david in the nose to get him to bleed on it, so he can use cleaning off blood as an excuse, but it doesn't feel like something that'd actually work. or end well at all after this.

once he feels like david's got enough sense back in him to respond, evan lets him go. ]

Guess your ego's really that bad. [ he's scowling, but there's no real heat behind it. ] If me wantin' this from you killing people got you just as bad.

[ he's still leaning over evan. part of him thinks about moving, but his body feels heavy enough right now that just keeping himself hovering as he is instead of fully laying on top of him is about all he can do right now while he catches his breath. ]

[ he lets out a quietly amused sound at what evan says. ] Maybe.

[ there's more to it than that; some of it david fully understands, some of it just dim notions in the back of his head. being wanted does a lot for most people, it's why david's (usually) so free and easy with compliments. evan's the only person he holds back with, because he's pretty sure evan would rather break his own nose than hear that from him. ]

[ but there's a depth to it that's different. something that leaves a static feeling lingering in his chest even now they're done. the fingers of one hand curl in the couch cushion as he looks down at evan, ideas flitting through his mind that he pushes away quickly. he's not the right person for that shit. neither of them are. ]

[ no snide response puts him off a little, but - okay, they just finished this, maybe he's still recovering. evan shoves it all aside in his head. it wouldn't surprise him if david really was that egotistical.

for a while david just looks at him, and that unsettles him a little more, but he doesn't let it stick. he moves to put himself away and nudges david up with a hip. ]

I gotta clean this off.

[ and his shirt. and maybe go buy a new one because this one needs to get washed immediately and someone will see him coming home, he knows it. if he's lucky it'll be someone who doesn't give a fuck. but he's rarely that lucky. ]

[ evan saying that makes david suddenly aware he's still covered in blood from earlier. he pushes himself up, shifting to sit at the end of the couch and put his dick away, glancing at where a sweaty hand left blood behind on the couch. ]

[ could be worse. he looks at evan's shirt, trying not to look smug after the times evan's left him looking a mess. if he's not nowhere to wash up or no change of clothes it could be a problem, but some water and a sink'll probably take care of it. ]

[ usually it's evan who's left feeling weird and uncomfortable, but his time david's a little zoned out. he stares at his arms, brushes a few flecks of dried blood away with a frown. coming down the other side of all this, he's not sure what to make of it all. why was he so ready and eager to come out here when he tries so hard not to lean into this part of himself? there's something that tugs at him, some notion of honesty and vulnerability and how disgusting and weak that is rattling in the back of his head that falls away before it can fully form. ]

[ evan gets up and heads into the bathroom, yanking his jacket off on the way.

the shirt's not ruined, but he's going to have to wash it, and fast. probably buy a new one on the way back just in case. he pulls it off and scrubs it hard in the sink, ignoring the bloodstains because those don't matter. nobody questions blood. everything else, though -

there's not a lot in here. he needs to keep more, he thinks, and those little thoughts keep him from losing control over how easy it was to get david over here, get his hands on him, let him shove him back against the couch. too easy.

it takes a few minutes, and he's certain the smell isn't going anywhere, but he pulls the shirt back on anyway. going home shirtless isn't something he'll have an excuse for, so until he gets another one, this'll have to do.

david's still out there when he comes back. at this point, evan's really not sure what to say. or do. ]

You, uh. [ this is why he could never really date. ] They get you anywhere else?

[ there's no awareness how long he's just been sitting there until evan comes back and he realises he's just been here the whole time. he looks up, and the moment it takes for him to pull himself back to normal is probably noticeable, but he pushes through. ]

No-- nah, I'm good.

[ he looks around for his hoodie and then remembers he left it in the kitchen. david stands, offers a tired smile. ]

I should get outta here. Go shower, maybe.

[ the unsettled look david has - not on his face so much as just about him, the lack of outright confidence and arrogance evan's used to hating - puts evan off, too, just like it did before he tried to clean up. he pulls his own jacket back on, nods at david's assent that everything's fine. glances at the couch, but everything got on him aside from some blood.

and, again, blood's fine. nobody questions blood. ]

Yeah. Get the blood off.

[ nobody on their side questions blood, he remembers. just walking around is probably going to get some strange looks.

he waits until david's got his hoodie to head for the door to let him out first. and then to wait, as usual. something he almost forgets in all the mental chaos. they can't leave together. even if nobody's watching, somebody will see it. ]

[ he can't believe he came here without even making an attempt to wash first. david pulls his hoodie on, trying not to think too much about it. he'll get back, say he needed to wind down after such a busy day, and in a way it's not untrue, and nobody will question it. back to business as usual. ]

[ there's a lot swimming around his head, thoughts he has to push aside. business as usual. he looks at evan, not offering much but a light nod to say goodbye before he leaves. ]

[ evan lets him out, and shuts the door, and goes into the kitchen to wait. he lets everything in his head simmer. stares out the tiny cracked window above the sink and sees nothing, partly because there's nothing to see and partly because he's not focusing on that.

this is all a mistake. a huge fucking mistake that's going to destroy his life and probably get him killed. the only saving grace here is that it'll do the exact same thing to david, so he doesn't have to worry about david telling someone.

it should be easy to stop. but it's not. he's too sunk into this to stop. especially after tonight.

he leaves ten minutes later, furious with himself and everyone around him. he needs a new shirt, after all. ]

(( them gods gonna hurt you son; when you play with a loaded gun ))

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